Flirty friend and my guy... HELP!

[BackUpOrGetStng]

The problem is that it doesn't matter how much she ignores this girl, her husband isn't ignoring her. Sounds like he doesn't want to block her, but OP hasn't directly said that she asked, only that they talked about it.

Essy you should call her out in front of everyone. Next time you're all at a gathering and she won't stop blabbering to him, ask her in front of everyone if she has a crush on hiim. Don't yell, or seem upset, just be matter of fact and point out how much she in contact and how she focuses solely on him within the group, an then watch her turn white.

[essy]

I am obsessed with what she is doing coz I love my partner....and quite heart broken about this friend (that i thought was)
If he didnt matter to me none of this wud bother me and if she wasn't a friend I would stop all this and just tell her to piss off and be really upfront about it to her face but things are not like that...

He does not hate this attention... everyone loves positive comments and attention all that warmth is just gone too far and OVER the limit...
She's obviously trying to piss me off.. see how i react.

Its weird coz if she was a stranger to me things would be a lot more easier and straight forward but she's someone i know and from someone you once thought was a friend ending up totally disrespecting you... you feel like you want to pay her back

[essy]

Yes! You know what i'm trying to say
He likes the attention... and of course everyone loves the attention, the 'you're so funny' 'you're totally right' 'I agree with you' 'you're my type' etc.. its just wow... so full on and over reacting....

I'll take your advice and do it! haha sounds fun! in front of a crowd would be awesome to see x

[BackUpOrGetStng]

If it's really that bad, then tell your husband to block her or you're leaving him and he can have her. If you're not willing to leave over it, then start entertaining attention from other men, and start texting with them all the time. Short of that, or telling her to stop texting him, there isn't much you can do.

You could beat the shit out of her, and that would be awesome, but I sense if you're scared to talk to her then you're scared to fight her. I say start with bringing it up in public.

[searock]

Essy, it sounds to me that your husband does have feelings for this woman - at the very least, he gets his ego stroked by her constant attention. You should talk with him about it, tell him that you think he should set some clear boundaries with this woman, he should not respond to her flirty glances and all that and he should respond firmly to her flirty comments by saying something like "I'm married, it's inappropriate for you to talk to me that way". Until he stops entertaining her flirting, she is going to continue doing it.

[essy]

Ye he's not responding to her flirting, he just doesn't say anything at all..
The others around us would just change the topic instead its so weird...
When i say things like 'Hey maybe we should have a catch up with our mates (including her) he'll just agree but that's all.

I'll test her in public that should really help!

[searock]

You shouldn't be focused on her, you should be focused on your husband. Have you asked him why he's never told her explicitly to stop flirting with him?

[essy]

Ye its really funny coz this one time... when it was pretty much at its peak, I told him and got all angry about it..
He fired back at me saying why I am complaining to him when she's the one doing all the flirting...
I said i wasnt so angry at him and was more angry at her.... I also later told him I was angry at him a little coz he did nothing about it... and i'm pretty he knew what she was doing...
He continuously fired back at me and told me to tell her and he didnt want to argue about this anymore and completely just hid under the blanket and fell asleep...

He takes the attention, doesn't do anything back to her
I would have to take some action i guess

[essy]

I would love to b**ch slap that girl
But i'll try and do it in words haha

[essy]

Ye i asked him y he hasn't done anything about it when we were having that argument and he said he doesn't feel like she is flirting....
And he also said ' even if she did, it doesn't change anything coz i dont care'

Nowadays I think he is avoiding her, well doesn't care what she does, doesn't really care if she joins our catchups or not...

[searock]

So if he doesn't care he should have no problem telling her to please stop flirting with him because it's inappropriate, given that he is married, right..?

Also, I don't understand why you had an actual argument over this. I'm thinking that maybe you were too confrontational when you brought up the subject? I think you should talk to him again, calmly and without placing any blame on him. Just tell him clearly that her behavior is making you uncomfortable, and it would make you very happy if he could just tell her once and for all that her behavior is inappropriate. Tell him that you know that she is the one that's doing all the flirting and you're not accusing him of anything, just ask him if he could please tell her to stop, since you think that would be a lot more effective than if it were you who told her.

[essy]

YES! very true!

Don't know why he didn't say it back then... or said anything even when we were married and she still had that thing going on (well wasn't so bad compared to when we were just dating),

Maybe he didnt have the guts either..
I would love it if he said it...

I feel i should do it too but it would make me lose! its like war between the 2 girls, and i just wished he said it and that would make me feel as though i won this stupid game

[essy]

Ye so true... I think sitting down and telling him 'that you know that she is the one that's doing all the flirting and you're not accusing him of anything, just ask him if he could please tell her to stop, since you think that would be a lot more effective than if it were you who told her.' would definitely help xx

[searock]

I think so too... if you do decide to talk to him, give us an update :-).

[essy]

hahha will do!

thanks searock and everyone else who helped me out on this xxxx