Please help me clean up the mess I've made!

[Ellynn]

Ok, thats what I thought... I didn't think he was....cuz I never saw it mentioned...

[dreamer101]

So if I just say nothing, will he eventually come around? I find it hard to believe that he has these kinds of feelings for me, but I had ONE chance to say yes a year ago, missed it, and now the window of opportunity is closed forever.

If I never say anything, and allow things to continue like they are, will we just NEVER be more than friends? Would he sit by and watch me date and marry another man and STILL say nothing?

if he has been burnt in the past by girls that he wanted and ended up being friends with, then no he won't eventually come around. and no neither will would he be at your wedding. neither of you hvae had a serious relationship so neither of you know if the other would stick around as a 'friend' if you found your soul mate, from a guys POV, i doubt that he would. and then as ellyn said somethings gotta give. so what is ur hesitation? you like him, are attracted to him, need him, want him, etc etc .. then why cant you just tell him? phew if only women came with a manual .. jokes.

look the windows of opportunity isnt closed, it just got bigger, why? because friendship i beleive is the foundation for love and relationships. you already have that. and the guy has already confessed his desire for you, and his actions confess that too. and if anythign that desire would have grown, he is prob just controlling it because he has been burnt in the past. just need to open the curtains now i think.

in any case whatever happens as ellyn said, at least you know... and can take solace in knowing that you were true to your heart. the loss or gain will then be his.

[vashti]

The truth is, I think he's content with things exactly the way they are. I mean, why wouldn't he be? I provide stability, ego-stroking, and emotional security. He's got a WIFE to get all his needs met, but he still gets to date other women. Me, on the other hand....SOMETHING IS ABOUT TO GIVE. I'm 29 years old, and I'd like to get married again and have another kid before it's too late

Ah, sorry. I took this literally.

[Ellynn]

Vashti....Ahh.....thats where you got that from... Its ok...I've misread a few of these things myself a few times...

Dreamer is right... Friendship is the basis to any relationship... Its what holds you together and goes hand in hand with love..

So do yourself and this guy a favor....and totally just tell him how you feel. Lay it all out... And then whatever happens happens.. Then at least you know...and can go from there.

[Gigabitch]

IMO, you two need to get a little drunk and get into bed already. Either it'll work or it won't, but at least something will happen.

You shave his back hair. That's pretty intimate. You deserve an orgasm.

[Sooky]

Neither of is is Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie, but we both do okay. He's not the best-looking guy I know, or even the best-looking guy in my "Maybe" pile right now. But as the months have passed and we've gotten closer and spent more time together, I have become more and more attracted to him, like I tend to do. Many years ago, I realized that how attractive I think anyone--man or woman--is, depends largely on what I think of them, and my opinion about someone's looks changes as my opinion about THEM changes. Currently, I think he's hot. And he has NO idea.

I agree with everyone else. If you really like him and are attracted to him etc... Go for it! Like you say you'd rather get on with your life whether he's interested or not. If your going to distance yourself from him as a friend anyway, why not take the chance and tell him how you feel.

Because your so close, if your honest, the worst he can really say is no he doesn't feel that way. However, if you walk away then theres a 100% chance you've lost, so why not just tell him how you feel. Sounds to me like he definately still likes you in some shape or form anyway and as you say he liked you in the past so why not just tell him?

Good Luck!

[221bBakerStreet]

IMO, you two need to get a little drunk and get into bed already. Either it'll work or it won't, but at least something will happen.

You shave his back hair. That's pretty intimate. You deserve an orgasm.

Awesome. B-)

[Gigabitch]

Tell us how it all works out- you should be jumping him soon....

[221bBakerStreet]

Oh, don't doubt that I will keep everyone up to date. Just to let you guys know, the last several days we've been hanging out together 8+ hours a day, which is why I haven't had time to get on here for a while.

But you may have to be patient, I am going to wait at least a week or so before I do anything. We're taking a trip out of state together in two weeks; I may say something then. OR--we always share a bed when we travel. Maybe I'll just get him drunk and have sex with him. (I'm kidding?)

But, to be honest, I am still giving my next move a long, hard, think. When you know each other as well as we do, you see EVERYTHING. As I've been advised here, I'm giving serious thought to what I really want before I do anything. We understand each other, and I really dig the dude, but he's FAR from perfect (likewise, I am sure!).

Often, we take the puppy and my son to the local park/playground, and a lot of our talking gets done while we sit at a picnic table and they play. This afternoon, at the park, he reiterated to me that he WAS a one-girl man, looking for a relationship. He's said that a few times now, during our heart-to-hearts. He seems to think that I seem to think that he's only interested in playing the field, and that I don't take him seriously.

Plus, I'd be lying by omission if I didn't say that I am still trying to figure out exactly WHAT approach to take when propositioning a man. Call me old-fashioned, but I've never done it before.

He made out with a dumb, ugly, loser girl that he doesn't even like, night before last, just cause she was offering. It pissed me off. He has NO idea.

Also, while he's been at work all this week, I've been hanging out with his roommate/best friend, every night but tonight (Roommate had a paper to write tonight. All three of us are f/t college students). I've had to reassure my friend a few times already that I am NOT attracted to/interested in Roommate, but lately Roommate and I have been hanging out together a lot. I can tell that's pissing HIM off, and he THINKS I have no idea.

The truth is, Roommate is cool guy (cute, too!), and he's fun to hang out with when my friend isn't around. But I'm really NOT into Roommate, nor him into me, as far as I know. I may just be enjoying making my friend uncomfortable. That's legal, isn't it?

[Ellynn]

Its legal....but its also messing with his mind... I mean you like him.....he likes you. He tried to be in a relationship with you in the past....and you turned him down.. Now you guys are friends.. Spend ALOT of time together.etc...

And now your trying to make him jealous? Why? You know he likes you.... Why not just cut to the chase and make a move... If anything....just kiss him... I mean you said your not good with bringing it all up....so maybe your actions will get the point across loud and clear..

If you don't do something soon, you might miss your chance once again....and possibly for good.. What if one of these loser girls end up really striking his interest? Now that will hurt you.... Why do all this back and forth stuff when its been going on for too long already?

Do something!

[221bBakerStreet]

Ellynn, I DON'T know that he likes me.

Yes, it's childish to make him jealous, and I admit to that. But I'm hanging out with Roommate cause he's cool people, not JUST to make my friend jealous.

I'll be honest, I'm having a hard time working up the courage to throw myself at a man, even if he IS my best friend. Seeing that he's uncomfortable with me spending time with other single guys is making me feel better about approaching him. I'm still not sure that his "jealousy" isn't just the possessiveness of an only child who is not used to sharing his toys.

[dreamer101]

You still don't know if he likes you? are you kidding? look just give me his contact details and i'll tell him myself.

in all seriousness, if you keep sleeping on it like this, and when do you tell him then he just might get angry for messing with him like this. its not very nice.

[Ellynn]

Ok, but it definately sounds to me like he does.. What do u have to lose? I mean you spend alot of time together as it is... If you find out he doesn't like you like that, then you know you need to distance yourself from him and find someone who does like you like that... Cuz, face it, not alot of guys will deal with you hanging with your best guy friend for 8+ hrs a day...

And honestly, maybe you need to just throw yourself at him. I know it seems desperate....but he tried with you already in the past..and you shot him down...!!

Do you really think hes gonna try again? I mean rejection hurts! So, he probably figures if he can't have u as a gf, he will settle for a close friendship..

The ball is in your court hun... Unless you want to sit here pineing away forever..u need to do something! Otherwise, the opportunity is gonna pass you by and your gonna be kicking yourself later on.. Or, your just gonna be stuck in a rut for a long time....

I know I may be blunt......but just trying to help! You seem unsure in some way.. Like you like the chase and wondering more then the actual catch... So figure out what you want and then go for it...

[221bBakerStreet]

Well, I figure we're already stuck in a rut after more than a year, so another week or so won't hurt.

The truth is, my plan--such as it is--is to just back off a little and try to get some perspective. But--since his last makeout with the Dogface, our HULK SMASH argument, and me spending so much time with Roommate, I figured all that was not the best note to go out on. So I am going to spend a few days getting our friendship back on track, to be fair, then I am going to try to cut down on the amount of time we spend together, and get my head on straight.

Plus, I may be a little old-fashioned, but my mama taught me that if a man really wants you, he'll come find you, not the other way around. And ONE turn-down a year ago would not put off a man who really wanted me. I feel like I'm making excuses for him, but the bottom line is, he's just not that into me in any non-platonic way.

And, as much as it sucks, the next natural step from THERE is to get on with my life. I am NOT interested in wasting years and years being single, and "best friends" with a single man. If--God Forbid--I did wind up hooking up with Roommate (not a chance!) it may jog him out of his rut.

Am I being a complete psycho? Someone tell me I'm psycho, quick. Roommate is on his way over here right now and will arrive any minute.

[vashti]

Haven't you told him recently of your deeper interest in him? If so, I'm inclined to agree that you've given him the invitation. I think he is dragging his feet because he is unsure. That being the case, I think you should repair whatever damage you may have done by attempting to make him jealous, lay all your cards on the table, and then tell him you need to back off all the hanging around together if he does not reciprocate your interest so you are free to find someone who loves you.