Other Woman Same Bed No Sex, Am I a Bad Boyfriend?

[regretfulidiot]

Thanks for the responses. They were helpful to me.

When I look back on our four years together, I think I've had a very negative impact on my girlfriend's life. The only humane thing I can do at this point is just to say out of her life and pray every day that she will move on and one day be happy again.

[regretfulidiot]

Did you gf know that all of you would be sleeping in the same room? and that there were 2 other girls going? also why didn't she go?

That's the thing. I didn't even know girls were going until on the car ride over there my friend informed me that two of his female friends would be meeting us there. I thought it was just going to be guys and that's why I didn't invite my girlfriend. I didn't think she'd feel comfortable hanging out with a bunch of males for the weekend. I called my girlfriend when I was in Vegas and told her that girls went with us. She was pretty upset.

I wasn't trying to be deceptive at all, but I guess I didn't make it clear that the girls would be staying in the same room with us. When I later clarified this issue, my girlfriend became even angrier. Then, when I mentioned the fact that one of them had slept in the same bed as me, my girlfriend was beyond furious.

Now you see what happens. I don't think I cheated. I never touched or even flirted with anyone. But I did some suspicious things and due to my inability to be open and upfront about my actions I caused immeasurable pain for someone I loved. She believed in me more than any other person in the world. I let her down.

[Gigabitch]

And now you're just going to let it go. Lame. She's put up with your shit for this long, she must care for you, and you're just going to skulk away with your tail between your legs, is that it?

[Asip4u]

And now you're just going to let it go. Lame. She's put up with your shit for this long, she must care for you, and you're just going to skulk away with your tail between your legs, is that it?

I agree with you to a certain extent. If he truly didn't do anything he shoud do everything to get her back. All the guilt and the fact he's saying he has done things before and she put up with his shit, maybe it's worse than it looks.

[Doc Durian]

I've been in that sort of situation a time or two before, Regretfulidiot. Well, actually twice to be exact.

First time, I lied about it all and it stung me in the arse a few months later. I tried to explain to her that because the situation was so potentially misleading if I had said anything, she would have blown her top anyway (jealous sort).

Another occasion, and a different girl later, same situation more or less except I called her and explained the situation. That made a normally non jealous type suspicious and as the trip progressed as well as my frank admissions so did our relationship end on the phone with a very girlish scream of "Go @%#! yourself you lying rat bastard" and something about all my worldy possessions going into the skip bin across the street (house being built at the time).

Sometimes it's a lose/lose situation when other women are in your peripherals.

[Gigabitch]

You should have offered to fly her out immediately when you found out there were going to be other girls there. That was just a disaster waiting to happen all around.

[regretfulidiot]

And now you're just going to let it go. Lame. She's put up with your shit for this long, she must care for you, and you're just going to skulk away with your tail between your legs, is that it?

That's true. She's put up with a lot because of me. And she loved and cared for me more than any other person ever had. But I haven't just made any mistake, I've obliterated her trust.

Even if I never made another mistake as long as I lived, my girlfriend would second guess everything I did. I think it would be cruel of me to ask her to continue to be with me. When you truly love someone, don't you want that person to be happy? don't you want her to feel secure? Even if this means relinquishing all ties to this individual and allowing her to move on.

I've spent too many years caring about myself and more often than not, putting myself first. I just want my exgirlfriend to be happy and lead a fulfilling life. I think the only way i can do this is to walk away.

[Doc Durian]

You should have offered to fly her out immediately when you found out there were going to be other girls there. That was just a disaster waiting to happen all around.

That one never occurred to me.

[regretfulidiot]

I tried to explain to her that because the situation was so potentially misleading if I had said anything, she would have blown her top anyway.

Sometimes it's a lose/lose situation when other women are in your peripherals.

That's exactly what I thought. I didn't actually do anything. No touching, no intentions, no flirting, nothing. I just went to sleep. But the whole situation looked so suspicious it would be a nightmare to try to explain (especially since it's vegas, city of sin). Since I didn't engage in adulterous behavior nor did i have any intentions to do so, couldn't I just avoid talking about this all together?

That's what I thought at the time. But now I know that any sort of dishonesty is disastrous, even when at the time the subject matter onto which the dishonesty is applied appears benign.

[Gigabitch]

Newsflash: no relationship is completely without doubt. Girls who are worth fighting to keep are few and far between. Believe me, the fact that you're just going to let her go is going to hurt her more than the fact that you acted like a weasel about the Vegas trip.

[Doc Durian]

Depends on the gal.

Some women can't stand to know that you were once in love with someone other than them, others find solace in the fact that you both have been down the same route and understand each other because of it.

Just imagine had you told her the scenario as soon as you realized it and also imagine that she was unable to fly out for her work/school/whatever reasons.

Would she have let you stay in the company of other women without her presence? Would she have said, "Have a good time and I can't wait to see you when you get back"?

Or would she have said, "This is absolutely not happening. Get on a plane and come back here this instance or we're over"?

You have to weigh these things up, also. Trust is a two way street.

[girl68]

Let the dust settle then try to ring her and talk. Use I statements. I screwed up, I didn't know, I should have told, I shouldn't have lied, I understand etc.

And in what other ways have you negatively impacted her?

For the record I agree you didn't cheat. But you did wrong- but I know you know that.

[Gribble]

If you didn't lay a finger on her and absolutely nothing happened, why the hell would you tell your girlfriend? Ignorance is bliss. You could have spared the both of you all this pain by keeping your fat gob shut.

[Gigabitch]

If you didn't lay a finger on her and absolutely nothing happened, why the hell would you tell your girlfriend? Ignorance is bliss. You could have spared the both of you all this pain by keeping your fat gob shut.

You, love, while being a blast, I'm sure, would make the shittiest boyfriend on the planet. I'm glad you know this about yourself.

[Doc Durian]

Sparing someone unnecessary suspicion or hurt makes him a bad boyfriend?

It's still a damned if he does, damned if he didn't scenario.

The bad boyfriend would have slept with one or more of the girls and still not mentioned a thing about it.