confused husband...looking for answers

[smackie9]

Why are you asking us what to do? Your wife is cheating on you. She can tell you that the sky is red but should you believe her? hell no! It's a no brainer that you should be seeking legal counsel and she needs to pack her shit up and move to her mother's. Kick her out!

[michelle23]

Imagine if this was the other way around and you were the one sleeping with someone else while your wife is at home pregnant and looking after your child. Do you think she would be nice about this? Would she try to understand? Try to forgive? I know i wouldnt. Id have to stop myself from killing him stone dead...

It doesnt matter that this guy is old. That dlesnt make what she did any less bad. Shes asking permission to continue sleeping with him! Jeez man pack your things and go to your parents.

If you want this to work, you have to make her beg for forgiveness, beg for counselling and swear she will never even smile at this man again. The only way to show her your not gonna put up with this is to leave. Take control. You will then have all the power when she comes crawling on her hands and knees. She needs to be truly sorry and needs to understand the pain and destruction she has caused before you can even consider taking her back

[Idainaru]

Well, first i would go to him and say to him that he is a piece of shit with no moral. Even if he loves her, he doesnt respect the fact that she is married to you, has a baby with you and carries another baby too...and you were good friend to him. I would spit him in the face. perhaps good punch in stomach too.

Another thing, i would say to her..That she is whore, and that i am thankful that i discovered it now that i am just in later 20. So i didnt ****ed up my life and spent so many years with her. That i will find a person which will respect and love me. And hope she would be happy with him (because she wont, building foundations on another mans sorrow wont bring any luck).

Then i would left her. Children can be fine if you be there for them. Perhaps you can adopt them by law or something if you find another woman. Not sure about laws in your country.

Thats what i would do, because i think of such situations since my situation is also not so perfect.

[surfhb2]

Beyond crazy!

Your wife is mentally ill. Lol.

[Empty Road]

I'm confused why you are confused.

[distraughthubby]

it has been brought to my attention, by the neighbor that informed me of this whole situation, that it is still possible for men to get someone pregnant even in their 70's. does anyone know whether this is true? because i suppose there is a chance it isn't even my kid. i couldn't bring myself to ask her about that, but it was brought to my attention.

other than that we did talk for quite some time yesterday and after hours of that, all i really got out of it was, that she loves me she is very very sorry, but she loves him too and she will "try" to stop sleeping with him. i of course was not happy with that and questioned that to which she kind of went crazy about just asking her to quit cold turkey.. its like smoking or alcoholic, you don't just quit cold turkey with something like that or loving someone. wasn't really sure what to do with that. we will talk more again today after i get off work. i am scared to ask about whether there is a possibility the baby is his... if i ask her and she says that yes there is chance then i am packing, taking my son and leaving. i'm not going to stick around and wait to see if the baby is mine or his.

[michelle23]

There is a chance the baby is his. Stop talking to her about this. Your wife doesn't love you. She has been having an affair behind your back. It doesn't matter that this guy is 70. What difference does it make? Its betrayal.

Maybe if it happened once and she told you the truth herself and was truly sorry and begged for a second chance and promised she will never see him again-then yes you could consider trying to work on your marriage.

But your wife has told you she loves him, she is not gonna stop sleeping with him and she doesn't really care whether you are okay with that or not. Don't be a fool for her. Get out of there now. Go and speak to a divorce lawyer today after work. Ask them what are your rights to your son right now. How should you handle this situation? Legally, you cannot just take the child and go. That would be kidnapping.

You need solid legal advice before you can decide what action to take. When you get home this evening-move all your stuff into the spare room and sleep in there until you have an action plan. Tell your wife no more talking, you are leaving and as of now you are trying to sort out your legal rights with regards to your children before you go AND you want a DNA test as soon as your baby is born.

Start telling yourself your marriage is over because it IS over. You need to accept that now and you need to figure out the next steps. Will your wife make it difficult for you to see your children? You need to ask her is she going to be civil and allow your access to your kids without making things difficult for you?

If you cannot trust her in that regard then you may need to get a social worker or the courts involved to help you set a proper custody agreement where your legal rights to your children are looked after

All you should be focusing on now is a plan to leave where you and your children are protected and where you can have regular access to see them. That is it. Let her go and be with this man. There are better women out there. You will torture yourself if you stay with this woman after all of this. Shes not even sorry. She is selfish

[distraughthubby]

i know you're right Michelle, i was just hoping to possibly save my marriage. but i already got a text message from my spy and she was over his house this morning. i don't know that they were doing anything sexual, but she wasn't even supposed to go over there.. she was over there for almost an hour, so i guess she isn't trying too hard to not sleep with him. i guess it's over, i just didn't want it to be, i thought maybe there was still a chance. as far as the DNA test, i assume i wouldn't need it, he is black, we are white, so it should be fairly easy to tell. i am actually going home now to tell her. the house is only in my name, i bought it before we were together, so i think i can have her leave? i plan on asking her to pack and go to her parents.

[michelle23]

I know this is so hard for you and I am truly sorry. It is really admirable that you would even consider staying with this woman after all she has done but you need to know when to give up and let go. It takes two people to make a marriage work and she is pulling against you.

You still need a DNA test. Babies change. My sister looked chinese when she was born. Really thick dark hair and darkish skin. Now she is pale white like a ghost-like me and my dad. You cannot tell with babies-they change so much in the first year and you cant determine the eye color till the are at least 6 weeks old. There hair could change 5 or 6 times in the first 6 years... Get the test. Even of the baby looks black-it doesnt matter. Get it anyway just so you know for sure that you have done everything you can to be a good dad.

Do you want to live next door to this man and see your ex wife coming and going to his house every day? Legally the house is half hers I assume since you two are married? I think you should sell the house, split the money in the divorce and move away but for now, yes you would be well within your rights to ask her to leave. If selling is not an option, you could rent it out and try to buy a new house for yourself elsewhere. All of that is your choice but my guess is it will be very hard to live next door to this man

[distraughthubby]

well, that did not go as well as i had hoped. i told her i knew she was over there with him again this morning. she then gave me a hard time about not trusting her and spying on her!!!!!!!!! ha, she is mad at me for not trusting her even though she was off f***ing him again. wow, she is not the person i thought she was. i just wonder how long this has actually been going on and if there were others now. i suppose that isn't important now. she told me i should leave, because if she leaves she isn't going to her parents, she will just go next door and stay there until she gets the house anyway. i told her to go ahead and go then. so, now i don't know what to do. i don't really think i can stay there and live next to them, i dont think i can deal with that, and i have no idea how to explain that to my son, why his mom is now next door living with the neighbor... i have no idea what i am doing, what to do, this is just too much...

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You have proof of infidelity, so she definitely won't get the house if she is dumb enough to try.

Sorry dude, but this is your punishment for being white.

[surfhb2]

I'm calling Troll

[michelle23]

You need support. I know this is awful for you and you are probably ashamed or embarrassed but don't be. Tell your family. They will be on your side and they will help you get through this. Its much easier when you have someone who will be there to listen and just hold your hand and they may even offer some helpful advice too.

Tell your family though that you don't want them b**tching and whining about your wife. Yes you all know she is a wicked witch but you dont need to hear that a million times. You want solutions, help and support-not a ranting session that will go on for 6 months. Make that clear before you tell them.

You do need to speak to a divorce lawyer straight away. Discuss putting your house on the market. You cant live next door to her. Tell her to go and tell her you want custody of your son and she can see him X amount of times a week. See what she says?

[distraughthubby]

Thanks everyone. i appreciate it. i talked to my sister she works for an attorney, a bankruptcy attorney, but he is going to recommend someone for me. i dont think i have a choice but to move forward. thanks again.

[smackie9]

I wish you all the best and future happiness once this is all said and done. Good luck Please let us know how it goes for you....we always like an update.