Now I'm Hurt

[shheadz]

erm not to state the obvious but YOU'RE LEAVING HER. why should she put you up? just because you had sex recently and possibly again before you go. i'm sorry dude but who the hell are you to expect her to put you up full stop when you are fckking off into the sunset and leaving her behind. AND BTW you held her hand thru the abortion because if you hadn't you would have been an arse. why would you even mention that?! fck sake! MEN!

Oh eco.. So jaded. I mentioned holding her hand through the abortion to show how much emotional sh!t we've been through together. I thought that was clear. That's what that whole paragraph was about. The point being that it shouldn't be easy for her to leave me high and dry, which is what's she's doing.

I'm not leaving her like you put it. I'm leaving because of work. We've been broken up for a long time now. She's known for months I was leaving. We're supposed to be friends right now, and considering all I've done for her financially, and with my time, giving me a place to stay for a couple days is about returning a f*cking favor.

[Dogtoast]

I'm really sorry you're feeling the way you are bud. I appreciate the help you've offered up to me over the past couple days. I know I would be in your exact same position if I wasn't going through NC right now. Its so hard because of our work situations with our exes though.

If anything man, seeing what you're going through is like a window into the future for me. My ex goes cold at the drop of a hat, and as soon as I get sucked into her, she'll go cold and my heart will drop again.

Again I've appreciated all the help, so just know you've helped me out a ton!

The silver lining is that theres a light at the end of the tunnel. You are finally leaving and subsequently leaving her behind. You can start over and will be forced to not have any contact with her.

[ecojeanne]

Oh eco.. So jaded. I mentioned holding her hand through the abortion to show how much emotional sh!t we've been through together. I thought that was clear. That's what that whole paragraph was about. The point being that it shouldn't be easy for her to leave me high and dry, which is what's she's doing.

I'm not leaving her like you put it. I'm leaving because of work. We've been broken up for a long time now. She's known for months I was leaving. We're supposed to be friends right now, and considering all I've done for her financially, and with my time, giving me a place to stay for a couple days is about returning a f*cking favor.

look as i read what you wrote i decided to put myself in her shoes to try to understand and imo if i cared for a guy and just had broken up and got back sleeping with him just before he was about to leave. well...i would be feeling a little hurt and abandoned (no matter whether it is for a poxy job). and then after sleeping with me the guy having the cheek to ask for me to put him up (as a favor as you put it) i would be angry and insulted. and i would have responded with: 'fck you shithead NO, find your own digs'. because quite frankly i would be angry that this person was leaving and just using me before they hopped skipped and jumped away from me. so no...she was too fckin' nice to you...sorry dude but YOU are just looking at it as: why the fck doesn't she do this after all I did for her and after sleeping with her...fck that, SHE'S probably thinking: why is he still leaving me after we slept together? why did he not change his mind? AND WTF? he only slept with me so i would put him up for the few days before hand, he's leaving so he needs to look after his problems instead of treating me like this

wake up man. you're acting like a shithead

[shheadz]

You're still off base eco. I didn't sleep with her. She slept with me. Yes, in my mind there is a difference. She invited me to her place. In fact, she asked me to come over and move some new furniture into her house, which I spent half the night doing. She'd been feeding me the "friend" line for so long, that I went over there without any expectations of anything. The last handful of times we hung out there wasn't anything.

The next morning she crawled onto the same couch with me. She started kissing me, and started taking my clothes off. Hell, after wards she said, "Thanks. I really needed that." like I was some kind of booty call for her.

I talked to her on IM 5 minutes before texting her, and she liked the idea of blowing off her friends to spend a couple more weeks hanging out with me before I was gone for good. I don't see the difference between spending all our remaining days hanging out together, and spending a few nights at her place before I leave. Either way we were going to be together.

You need to get off this kick that I some how seduced her for a piece of ass, and now I'm using her one last time before I hit the road.

[IncognitoSir]

look as i read what you wrote i decided to put myself in her shoes to try to understand and imo if i cared for a guy and just had broken up and got back sleeping with him just before he was about to leave. well...i would be feeling a little hurt and abandoned (no matter whether it is for a poxy job). and then after sleeping with me the guy having the cheek to ask for me to put him up (as a favor as you put it) i would be angry and insulted. and i would have responded with: 'fck you shithead NO, find your own digs'. because quite frankly i would be angry that this person was leaving and just using me before they hopped skipped and jumped away from me. so no...she was too fckin' nice to you...sorry dude but YOU are just looking at it as: why the fck doesn't she do this after all I did for her and after sleeping with her...fck that, SHE'S probably thinking: why is he still leaving me after we slept together? why did he not change his mind? AND WTF? he only slept with me so i would put him up for the few days before hand, he's leaving so he needs to look after his problems instead of treating me like this

wake up man. you're acting like a shithead

I disagree, he didnt go to her looking for sex first of all. As I recall, SHE initiated sex. Why would she sleep with him while KNOWING that he's about to move a away very soon? So you mean to tell me that she has sex with him and now she just wants to push him away again and thats ok in your book, but the fact that he's hurt for what looks to be him getting used for some sort of emotional gain by her is ok? That makes no sense to me. Sex between two people who were in love means a lot more than JUST sex. There's all kinds of emotions tied into having sex between them and there always will be. Maybe she's hurt because she had sex with him and he's not opting to stay with her afterward, but he never said that he would.

I'm not just jumping on his side, but if its ok for him to spend the night, cuddle, and have SEX with her, whats the big deal about him spending a few nights over. Like he said, they're friends right, why wouldn't she want to help out her friend in his time on need......kinda like what he did for her, when she needed him.

I feel you bro, you feel like she used you for what she wanted both emotionally and sexually, but she cant let you crash for a few days, I get it.
All about her being in control though, that sux. I hope you can find somewhere to stay man, g'luck.

[ecojeanne]

well you are wanting to use her, that is a fact. you need a place to stay and you want her to allow you to stay with her. and you are expecting her to allow you to use her.

secondly she may have needed the booty call at that time, but if that was all it was she wouldn;t have been all that interested in hanging out again, because trust me most women are able to go without for a hell of a lot longer than men and when they get a fix can pretty much do without for a long time..speaking generally of course, unless she's a nympho.

she wanted to be around you coz she cared for you, so my point in my last post still stands. you have full control of your body buddy, so unless she gave you viagra and tied you down, you wanted it just as much.

[shheadz]

well you are wanting to use her, that is a fact. you need a place to stay and you want her to allow you to stay with her. and you are expecting her to allow you to use her.

Are you using a friend when you borrow their lawn mower? You're only using someone when you're constantly taking, and never giving back. Beyond that we'll just have to agree to disagree.

[ecojeanne]

Are you using a friend when you borrow their lawn mower? You're only using someone when you're constantly taking, and never giving back. Beyond that we'll just have to agree to disagree.

eh YES i am using my friend. it's called being useful for a reason. do you expect your neighbor to give you the lawnmower? or do you ask politely and respect their decision if they say no?

[Luca]

I bet that it would be hard for her to have to stay with her, knowing you are leaving. She may be being selfish, but honestly it probably would not be good for either of you if you were to stay there. Imagine how much harder it would be for you to leave?

Is she aware you are/were seeing other people? Maybe that is another complication she is worried about. If both of you are starting to move one and dating, it would be difficult for you do be sharing living space.

[shheadz]

eh YES i am using my friend. it's called being useful for a reason. do you expect your neighbor to give you the lawnmower? or do you ask politely and respect their decision if they say no?

No, I wouldn't respect their decision to say no if they were constantly borrowing stuff from me. I'd be pretty pissed.

I might see this whole thing differently if I thought she had any true feelings for me, beyond the "Well, we had some good times together, and you'll always have a place in my heart." Then maybe I could understand her not wanting to cross certain barriers before I leave, like staying at her place.

You know, a few weeks back when I decided to completely break contact with her, it wasn't something I decided to do out of the blue. She started texting girls that she never talked to before... girls that she knew liked me.. and started making sure they knew her and I had split up. Like she wanted them to know I was back on the market.

If she still cared about me, she has a really funny way of showing it. So no, at this point this is one friend that's done so much for the other, and not being able to get a simple favor in return.

[Gigabitch]

Maybe you should stay with Headache Girl.

[shheadz]

Is she aware you are/were seeing other people? Maybe that is another complication she is worried about. If both of you are starting to move one and dating, it would be difficult for you do be sharing living space.

Yeah, I know. I tried to let he know that if she's seeing someone, then I'd understand her feeling weird about letting me crash at her place for a few days. She doesn't have any reason to think I'm seeing someone else.

[castingstones]

look as i read what you wrote i decided to put myself in her shoes to try to understand and imo if i cared for a guy and just had broken up and got back sleeping with him just before he was about to leave. well...i would be feeling a little hurt and abandoned (no matter whether it is for a poxy job). and then after sleeping with me the guy having the cheek to ask for me to put him up (as a favor as you put it) i would be angry and insulted. and i would have responded with: 'fck you shithead NO, find your own digs'. because quite frankly i would be angry that this person was leaving and just using me before they hopped skipped and jumped away from me. so no...she was too fckin' nice to you...sorry dude but YOU are just looking at it as: why the fck doesn't she do this after all I did for her and after sleeping with her...fck that, SHE'S probably thinking: why is he still leaving me after we slept together? why did he not change his mind? AND WTF? he only slept with me so i would put him up for the few days before hand, he's leaving so he needs to look after his problems instead of treating me like this

wake up man. you're acting like a shithead

Wow eco, tell us how you really feel! I honestly think you are WAY off base. I cant really believe you think like that. Let me tell you something, GIRLS ARE NOT ALWAYS THE VICTIM! I personally have heard (out of a womans mouth) "I slept with him so he knew what he was missing!" and ive heard it more than once. Does that sound innocent to you? You need to change the way you think.

Shheadz, I really dont think you should have asked to stay with her, i know your supposed to be friends now but you should know how that works out. Just stay somewhere else and dont worry about it anymore. Start a new life in NY and leave it behind you. It sounds to me that maybe there was WAY to much drama for a young relationship to endure and it failed. Its a big world out there man, take care.

[shheadz]

Maybe you should stay with Headache Girl.

Swept my legs out from under me Giga. But no, I decided not to lead her on anymore since I'm not going to be around for too much longer. No point in starting something that can't be finished.

[ecojeanne]

i think you have just decided to have a hissy fit for not getting your own way. i also think that you need to talk to her and find out how she feels. i guarantee there is a lot more to the story that you believe. you are the man in this scenario and you see things black and white. women see things more gray. have a think about it more deeply before you go all james brown on her. you haven;t given the benefit of doubt here. have more respect before you go off on one.