Talk Me Out of Flying to Germany to See my Ex

[Kyrina]

Then go to a friends put your books and other stuff you dont need straight off into storage, abusive and alcholic, jeeez girl get the hell out of there forget the books and evrything you dont need they are material look after you other things can be replaced.Being a a$$wipe that beats his wife no matter for what reason or if some believe you deserve it, ignore them and get your ass free of him.Do you really think he wont get drunk and whoop your ass when he knows your leaving.Get your head straight take one step at a time and leave the first step you have places to go so go, it doesnt mean you have to stay there friend hop if you have too but you need to think
1 leave (go to friends)
2 job (get to support yourself so you dont weaken and go back to him)
3 self (think about you sod the world )
Its not easy and you will have rough times ahead but do you want to have a life or be a doormat your on the right track if he's what you say.Cos honey he make take you to swish hotels etc but why is it just the anniversary or is he covering his guilt over his habits by treating you to luxury. Earn your money give yourself self esteem hell i would rather knacker myself with 3 jobs then accept luxury decorated with booze and fists.
You may not be able to replace all your books but its time to forget materialistic and think of your health and sanity.


S is a good guy most of the time wow is he in therapy trying to deal with his problems,if not well i never saw a guy that was good pissed and flashing his fists

[HeartIsAching]

I would really like to practice my German though. I would really like to practice my German on M.

Some useful phrases in German for your intention:*

Bitte kommen Sie hier mit Ihrer Unterwäsche in der Hand.

Darf ich dich ficken?

Ich habe keine Scham.







*the first two are jokes. The only one you need to learn is the last phrase.

[Kyeema]

Bitte kommen Sie hier mit Ihrer Unterwäsche in der Hand.

Darf ich dich ficken?

Ich habe keine Scham.

I wonder what you really intended to say with the last one... you know that "Scham" has 3 different meanings, don't you? Well, at least as a native speaker of German I've had my laugh! :o)))

Interesting however that the second one is the only grammatically correct and unambiguous German phrase you used - do you have experience with it? *ggg*

[HeartIsAching]

I wonder what you really intended to say with the last one... you know that "Scham" has 3 different meanings, don't you? Well, at least as a native speaker of German I've had my laugh! :o)))

Interesting however that the second one is the only grammatically correct and unambiguous German phrase you used - do you have experience with it? *ggg*

LOL, my German hasn't been used for 20+ years, and I was never all that good at it anyhow.

[RebeccaOverseas]

Some useful phrases in German for your intention:*

Bitte kommen Sie hier mit Ihrer Unterwäsche in der Hand.

Darf ich dich ficken?

Ich habe keine Scham.







*the first two are jokes. The only one you need to learn is the last phrase.

I think "Ich habe keine Scham" is kind of evil to say. I DO have a sense of shame.
"Darf ich dich ficken?" or, "Can I f*ck you"made me laugh, as did "Bitte kommen Sie hier mit Ihrer Unterwäsche in der Hand", which is something about him coming to me with his underwear in his hand.

[RebeccaOverseas]

Then go to a friends put your books and other stuff you dont need straight off into storage, abusive and alcholic, jeeez girl get the hell out of there forget the books and evrything you dont need they are material look after you other things can be replaced.Being a a$$wipe that beats his wife no matter for what reason or if some believe you deserve it, ignore them and get your ass free of him.Do you really think he wont get drunk and whoop your ass when he knows your leaving.Get your head straight take one step at a time and leave the first step you have places to go so go, it doesnt mean you have to stay there friend hop if you have too but you need to think
1 leave (go to friends)
2 job (get to support yourself so you dont weaken and go back to him)
3 self (think about you sod the world )
Its not easy and you will have rough times ahead but do you want to have a life or be a doormat your on the right track if he's what you say.Cos honey he make take you to swish hotels etc but why is it just the anniversary or is he covering his guilt over his habits by treating you to luxury. Earn your money give yourself self esteem hell i would rather knacker myself with 3 jobs then accept luxury decorated with booze and fists.
You may not be able to replace all your books but its time to forget materialistic and think of your health and sanity.


S is a good guy most of the time wow is he in therapy trying to deal with his problems,if not well i never saw a guy that was good pissed and flashing his fists

I have thought about putting my books in storage and just leaving. I know that everything I have can be replaced, or that I could return to the storage facility later to pick my things up. But, we've been together 7 years, married for 6, and it is just really hard for me to go through with it...especially all alone in Asia. I went back on an anti-depressant 3 days ago, and just (a moment ago) finished a therapy session, so I am trying everything I can to get my head in a good place.

S is loaded, which is really funny, because he was the first boy I ever dated that was poor, then he turned out to make more than anyone else I've ever been with. We have a really luxurious lifestyle, including traveling internationally 3 weeks a month. I know that doesn't matter, as he is a real shit to me, but I am trying to show you the full picture. I've been a housewife for the last 2 1/2 years (not by choice...it is so bloody hard to get a good salary as a foreigner in Singapore) and I've been given everything someone could want materially. I think the comfort level that I have will be hard to walk away from.

I like your leave, job, self plan. I'm learning German and might look for a job there (for an English speaking company - my background is software marketing) if I leave S. Germany is a country that I've always loved, M was always only just a part of that, and I really like the work culture. I also have enough money to live on for awhile, why I sort things out.

I am just so damn confused.

I have decided that I cannot fly to Germany to see M. I have to let him go. It is going to be really, really hard to grieve over M and S at the same time, but life is tough. Hopefully I will have the courage to leave my marriage, but there is always a part of me that wants to make it work, because at the end of the day, I do love him. I cannot forgive the bruises, though.

[Kyeema]

I think "Ich habe keine Scham" is kind of evil to say. I DO have a sense of shame.

Well, you could see it like that, but you don't have to... because what you mean by shame is "Schamgefühl" - nobody would really say "Scham" in that case, because "Scham" has a second (and a third) meaning: it's used for the (especially female) genitals (pubic). And it's the Arabic word for Syria. So it's your choice what you make of it *ggg*

"Darf ich dich ficken?" or, "Can I f*ck you"made me laugh

"Darf ich" does not mean "can I", but "may I" or even more strongly "am I allowed to"... makes a slight difference, doesn't it? ;o)))

"Bitte kommen Sie hier mit Ihrer Unterwäsche in der Hand", which is something about him coming to me with his underwear in his hand.

I don't even know how to put that into correct German because it's so context-dependant... but it has a certain charm saying it like that... "Sie" implying you talk to a stranger, and "hier" instead of "hier her" or "zu mir"... nice! *ggg*



I also think a fresh start would be best for you... it will be incredibly hard, but in the end you'll gain so much out of it: your emotional freedom and independence, you'll be able to finally learn how to really love yourself and treat yourself in a gentle and positive way... with all this you'll open the gates for a man who will love and appreciate you the way you are. No more abuse needed!

What I'm not so sure about whether you'll be happy in Germany especially if you don't know anybody here. I think both Germany and Austria (where I live) are very "strict" countries. People generally are not very open-minded and society expects you to be a certain way based on very old traditions. You won't experience the freedom and positiveness you may experience in the US or Australia where people tell you to go for your dreams whilst here they tell you how stupid you are for having those dreams and to stick to the old rut you're in because that's the way it is. When you're different here it can be very hard to fit in. I speak from my own experience... and I have friends who moved her or just came to visit and told me they felt they couldn't breathe properly because everybody was so cold and narrow-minded. A friend of mine who moved here from South Africa for love even got severely depressed, first because of the weather and second because she found everybody was so cold and unfriendly which she wasn't used to back home. I don't say everybody is like that here, there are plenty of nice and warm-hearted people all over Austria and Germany, what I'm talking about is the general ambiance or atmosphere or whatever you might call it. Of course I'm speaking just out of my own experience. Somene else might feel completely different about all this. All I want to say is: think carefully about where you really want to start over! And if you do have some money why not start in an ashram or another kind of retreat or by joining a development aid project (building schools or so) for some time and find out what you really want in life?

Big hug
Kyeema

[Kyrina]

Rebecca, only you are able to make the decisions, but i would urge you to at least if you want to stay with your husband to get him into therapy, if he wont go then he doesnt think your marriage is in trouble and he believes he has total control over you.
i DONT BELIEVE MEN WHO HIT ARE WORTH A CRAP to be honest hun you have a lot of reasons to stay (so you believe) but think about it although you love this guy are the other reasons really worth any value.If he loves you then he will do therapy and you get the breather to see what you need to do.
Everyone who moves to a new country will have a hard time about something but you have access to the internet and can look for jobs in Germany without leaving your home, I do think you are having a hard time of it and fear is holding you back but come on you have a long life before you do you really believe you will be happy has a doormat to your husband.M by the reading of other posts doesnt want you for some reason maybe you are desperate and believe your life cant go forward without a man at your side.However you really need to sit down and look at the pro's and con's of stay with your hubby,its ok thinking on them but how about give yourself a week and write down for example
Con = beatings, now write down how these make you feel and what could be done to change this if possible
with the pro's = you love him =why do you love him is it love or just a emotion you have set with him by this i mean you loved him to marry him but that was 6-7 yrs ago is it still love or a habit for you now
I say write this all down because to me your going circles in your head to much to think about and not enough clarity.
I know you can't write a thread with every little thing you come up with for a answer but you can get an objective view,like now with this thread.
If you need to just run a Q+A by me do it send me a pm and i will answer you but also the threads give you a view from many people so your choice....The most important thin to keep forefront in your mind is what is BEST for you.