I don't know how to Feel.

[Rosebud]

This thread has just made me angry. I LOATH guys who are so ****ing full of their own cum they can't see when a woman is trying her best to please them. Much less appreciate her. PISSES me off to no ****ing end.

Hayward you have just brought a tear to my eye by saying that. I have some crappy realtionships in the past and I promised myself I would do my best on the next on and that is the one I'm in now, so It ruly apprecaite what you just said more than you can imagine.

[whaywardj]

I have a ton of mixed up feelings. And to behonest I know I'm not going to stop him from going but do you really think this is leading him to leave me?

No. Yes. Maybe. Depends on the experiences we've had with our respective ex-spouses and SO's. Mybe he's NOT leaving you and I'm just reading into it.

But he sure's the hell isn't choosing to be with you and his daughter -- even, it appears, during the rest of the year when "hunting once a year" can't be an excuse. And that's the point isn't? He's not there for you. And hasn't been recently, either sexually, emotionally and now physically. In that order, likely.

Looks awfully like a one, two, three tango out the door to me. Frustrate you enough, and you'll ASK him to leave and he won't feel guilty afterwards while he and his buddies count how many deer antler points they can shove up their asses before having to fart.

[whaywardj]

I think you and Independent might want to share notes, Rosebud.

BOY! I wish I could biatch-slap this guy!

[indigosoul]

Hi Rosebud,

I'd like to add, as someone whos been on BOTH sides of this, that Hayward and Shh both make good points. But you want to take their advice in the correct order:

"Just a clear, unrevocable message that some shit's happening you, Rosebud, want explanations for. " Should come first.

THEN:
" I'd kick him to the curb if he didn't straighten up." But to be fair, make sure that your criteria for this is crystal clearly communicated, in many forms, and many times. Some men are slow learners. But almost all WANT to do good.

Meantime, remember that Indep. also made a good point about HIS needs. So, what to do when you have competing interests? NEGOTIATE.

You could, for example, say that you support him going off hunting IF he would, say, take you out for a movie or dinner 2X next month. Offer to arrange for the childcare, and that YOU get to choose the restaurant or movie. Put the agreed dates on the calendar. If this doesn't work, find something that does & make you BOTH happy. Don't settle on this. If the relationship is healthy, this is more than possible, tho may take some getting used to.

I agree w/W, that something is amiss, but it sounds like lack of communication is the problem. To further Indeps point, it is all in the attitude. Men IMHO( W., feel free to confirm) LIKE and RESPECT a woman who knows what she wants and how to get it. Esp. cheerfully and w/o yelling. He works long hours and is likely tired (not an excuse, just how it is), so he will appreciate you organizing him & your relationship. Trust me, this comes from 15 years married experience (with the same guy)

[Rosebud]

Ok, Let me put all this on the table here. we've been together for 4 years, didn't sleep with each other for 2 months after we had started dating. were around each other all the time day and night, awesome attraction and everything. In his eyes I was his prize possesion as he was mine. We did everything togheter including Softball. We break up a couple times and split for a couple months, I dated someone else and he slept around with quite a few people. We get back together. Now mind you we broke up becasue he wanted to settle down, I was only 21 and didn't want that.

So we get back togheter ad we have been togehter ever since. Now we have had trust issues with each other mostly me but i overcame them. When I got pregnant the first time he was happier than hell and I was scared as shit. Because of our problems I had an abortion. I was a train wreck and told him I had a miscarriage becasue I didn't know if we'd last. In my heart I know that was the right thing for me. he now knows the truth and he actually did all along. The second time I got pregnant I knew it was meant to be and I went thought everything hence my daughter.

While Iw as pregnant he acted suspicious I would call him and he would not answer nor call me back ( mind you I was considered pre-term) and I automatically assumed he was cheating which I checked his phone and saw another girls number. We got through that. Our sex life went down the tubes but he was still very affectionate and caring about everything. He would go out of his way to do things forme. I quite my job becasue I was irresponsible and he was upset and had to work a lot to make up fr me not working. I wentr back to work in june of last year and my daughter and father got sick (dad has cancer) So i had tot ake time off the job refused so again being irresponsible I quit. ANd have been home with ehr ever since.

Now, he is a wonderful person. He goes out of his way for me for little things, but he's not romantic. he compliments by body but not what I do. he's still very affectionate but when he's up to it. he trys to manipulate me by being a smart ass. I knwo this is all my side of the story and I'm sure he comes off as a jerk but I'm not perfect either, I crave attention from him, and I can be selfish as well. But now I find myself at a poitn where I constantly think is all this for nothing? And I know there's better people out there, but I do want to go through that again? And Am I not doing something enough?

Sorry I think I'm rablign again, and I know you guys will get on me for some things on here but that's ok, I need to hear what you have to say. Just remember I am very sensitive right now.

[indigosoul]

No. Yes. Maybe. Depends on the experiences we've had with our respective ex-spouses and SO's. Mybe he's NOT leaving you and I'm just reading into it.

But he sure's the hell isn't choosing to be with you and his daughter -- even, it appears, during the rest of the year when "hunting once a year" can't be an excuse. And that's the point isn't? He's not there for you. And hasn't been recently, either sexually, emotionally and now physically. In that order, likely.

Looks awfully like a one, two, three tango out the door to me. Frustrate you enough, and you'll ASK him to leave and he won't feel guilty afterwards while he and his buddies count how many deer antler points they can shove up their asses before having to fart.

Easy W, you got some transference symptoms going on... Where's the thoughtful solutions? Careful not to bias something that may not yet be.

[indigosoul]

Rosebud, we posted simultaneously. Please read my response ^ above your last post.

[shh!]

Rosebud, how old is he? You both sound painfully young to be dealing with the responsibility of a child.

[whaywardj]

Point taken, Indigo. Positively transference occurring. And, yes, Rosebud, Indigosoul's measured and reasoned suggestions are the most appropriate of the approaches so far offered up. PROVIDED (Indigo), you, Rosebud, haven't already come to your wit's end TRYING to be reasonable...and it hasn't worked.

Now I'll read your post above to see when I should change which foot I've got in my mouth.

[Rosebud]

Thank Indigo for advice and that Is omething that I can do as i ahve done that in the past as well. Set a date and do something, but again we run into the problem that it may get cancelled due to his work schedule as he doesn't know what is shcedule is until Wednesday of that week for that week. Grrrr, ANd i agree with all of you.. It's just taking me some time to digest.

[Rosebud]

Rosebud, how old is he? You both sound painfully young to be dealing with the responsibility of a child.

She would 22 months old Shh. And such a wonderful child. She is the my little angel.

[whaywardj]

Alright, Rosebud: STOP the music! Take a deep a breath, and deal with ONE thing at a time.

First, what's the foremost priority in your life right now?

[shh!]

No, I meant how old is your guy?

And I have been assuming all along that he has a history of selfish behavior which you have tried to address repeatedly. Am I wrong? Most guys don't go from being selfless generous creatures to completely selfish overnight, and most girls will definitely be complaining about it right from the beginning, so I am assuming he is not unaware of your unhappiness.

[Rosebud]

Alright, Rosebud: STOP the music! Take a deep a breath, and deal with ONE thing at a time.

First, what's the foremost priority in your life right now?

In my life..My priority?? My duaghter, she comes before all!

[Rosebud]

No, I meant how old is your guy?

And I have been assuming all along that he has a history of selfish behavior which you have tried to address repeatedly. Am I wrong?

He's 28. And yes he does. I do think a lot of it come's from his parents, but again I won't make excuses I'm just trying to help give info. No your not wrong at all.