Men with kids

[lilly1185]

Mentor and student a la lesbian BDSM?
That sets my alerts off all at once.

It's good though that you've been supportive of her. It shows you're patient at the very least.

[Perryville]

That's one of the things I don't understand. When she comes to visit the kids, she always wants sex (sometimes I do, sometimes I don't) and when we do, she is blown away, and begins to cry and get all guilty and sad. She tells me she loves the kids, and me but can't be "something she isn't", whatever that means.

[lilly1185]

Sounds like a personality disorder. I'd recommend not having sex with her and her being evaluated.

It sounds like she has a lot of guilt, and doesn't know how to balance being responsible and doing what she wants.
Some people have a hard time maturing after highschool

[Only-virgins]

You don't need to accept anyone elses kids. I would never date a woman with kids.

[lilly1185]

You don't need to accept anyone elses kids. I would never date a woman with kids.

And I assume that because a woman + kids is a deal breaker for you, you wouldn't consider it even if said woman was nice and you got along great, yes?

[Only-virgins]

And I assume that because a woman + kids is a deal breaker for you, you wouldn't consider it even if said woman was nice and you got along great, yes?

Yes

_______________

[lilly1185]

Yes

My point then. If someone has/does something that is an automatic deal breaker for you, don't screw around with them.

Thank you.

[Only-virgins]

My point then. If someone has/does something that is an automatic deal breaker for you, don't screw around with them.

Thank you.

In this case where kids are involved I agree. I leave it alone. I might make a milf joke but that is about it. Now other deal breakers that are smaller I ignore...just for the sex at least because women walking around places and looking for nothing but sex like men do are a myth.

[Cbrider]

This question is just about as tricky as abortion rights.

You have two choices, you can make a strong case for either and have the right to make that choice.

I have met a handful of single fathers, and am friends with a few. With the exception of one, they are all stellar dads in every way. These guys have my eternal respect, most guys just turn and run rather than step up to the plate. Women step up all the time, but sadly, the father position seems to be the easier role to slip out of than the mother position. I think a good single father is not only a sign of a very well organized man, but an anomaly in an otherwise stereotypical "no father in the picture" world.

I could date a woman with a child if the circumstances of the pregnancy were responsible.

A good friend of mine just married a girl with a child from a previous marriage, and he's my age.....22.

I asked him:

"Wade, why did you get involved with a girl that had a kid? Seems like a huge additional strain that you didn't need."

His answer was pretty simple, and was probably one of the most selfless things I have heard another person say.

"Caitlynn may not be my blood, but it makes no difference. I love her all the same, and she is my daughter no matter what science says."

I was lost for words at that point, there was nothing to say. I hope one day I am as selfless as he is.

[Only-virgins]

"Caitlynn may not be my blood, but it makes no difference. I love her all the same, and she is my daughter no matter what science says."

I was lost for words at that point, there was nothing to say. I hope one day I am as selfless as he is.

This sounds like your friend has already built a relationship with the child in the first place. I'm no heartless walking robot either which is why I would rather just from the beginning stay away.

[sookie6]

In response to the initial post. I think it is very valid at 25 not to want to be involved with a man having children. I even think that you are being mature by acknowledging the difficulty this could represent.
I have a male friend, early 40s who got involved very quickly with a younger woman with 3 very young children and an abusive ex-husband to handle.
A few years down the line. My friend is having a very stressful and busy life. He can't remember if he is with her out of duty or because he loves her.
He is not unhappy but can't really say he is. He just goes on about having to take on his responsibility now that the kids are used to him and so on...
Ok, the mother is a lovely and extremely pretty woman. But they seldom have time to enjoy their relationship (sex is most times out of the picture). One of the boys has behavioural problems which is adding to the taskl!!!

What I am trying to say is: my friends got all flattered and passionate about this beautiful young woman wanting him. He never thought it through and got engaged within 6 months of dating her (ok he also knew her from work before). Even my friend's mother was at loss trying to understand what was going on...

Please take your time. Wait before getting involved too deep with the children. get to know him first and I would say avoid acting out of duty when things develop.
What I mean is taking care of a family demands time and devotion. At 25 some are ready but most people still need to experience life for themselves before settling down.

[Moe]

Your right Perryville
Single dad here also, just got through with a relationship that ended partially because of kids. The Ex. made the comment that my kids run my life, no they just came first, she also had three kids and her kids loved me more then then her, because they came before us.
I would always make time for her (I treated her like an Angel she wanted nothing or needed nothing, during the school year sex was at least 7 times per week and better every time) but not at our kids expense. She is very selfish and even admitted it. She would leave her kids all the time to come over at night for booty call I wouldn't leave my kids all night no matter how good she was and we (men) shouldn't have to apologize for that. At the end she made the comment that I stole her kids from her, no I just loved them she had her priorities in her pants not with her kids.
The last time we met the kids but up such a stink in a parking lot wanting to go with me and not her they cried and screamed. Now she won't let them see or call me yet the one still does and the stories he tells me are horrific and sad.
Go single Dad's

Jeezuz, you women are really vicious today. I am a very good man. I have health, wealth, am considered handsome, and am good in bed, plus I have a good sense of humor and I am intelligent and honest to a fault. Every woman I have dated or been in a relationship with has enjoyed the experience, except one, and she left me with kids, to pursue an artistic career, telling me she isn't "cut out", for motherhood, although she still wants us to f**k. So now I am automatically chopped liver. I have been reduced to having short-term sexual relationships and FWB'S, because once the women know I have youngsters, that's all they will accept.

[vashti]

Raising other people's children puts an enormous stain on a relationship - maybe not at first, when the "honeymoon stage" is still in effect, but later on, once it has worn off. Like it or not, children from broken homes tend to have more behavioral problems (especially as teenagers), and the un-related partner is generally an unappreciated fixture in the children's life. It takes a great deal of wisdom, flexibility, and patience to deal with this scenario (not to mention lack of ego), and I think people in their 20s (lacking experience in child raising) are generally unequipped to deal with it, though of course, they often feel differently because they base their confidence on the interactions they have with young, uncomplicated children.

[qwertz]

I think you need to know more about why he is divorced(?) with kids. That's a hell of a thing to do to your child. Unless there's a really good reason, that you can verify, it could be a sign of a selfish personality.
.

Whats a good enough reason??!! I split with my sons father over a very good reason, but there is no way on earth i could actually 'verify' it..and i wouldnt even if asked to!
Its much better to end a relationship than stay with someone unhappily just for the sake of children.

Speaking as someone who married someone with kids, I think is a HORRIBLE idea for anyone without children to date someone WITH them unless they are pushing 40.

To all you single parents out there, I apologize.

I see what your saying but everyone is different. Im single and a mum, i dont have rules where things like this are concerned but equally i probably dont date the type of guys i would if i didnt have a son.
No man ive dated since splitting with my sons father has met my son and they wont ever do until the relationship is serious..and by serious i mean serious not just after a few months.


This thread is quite patronising

[moonfairy_2002]

You're apparently too selfish to handle a relationship where you aren't held up on a mighty fine platform.

I'm offended at being called selfish! Knowing what you want in a relationship is not selfish at all. Let me more specifically explain.

Men that I have dated (unlike women that I know, for some reason, maybe its a guy thing) that have children seem to have a hard time with prioritizing and scheduling. THEY BREAK DATES ALL THE TIME!!!

example #1
If he ask me to go out on a Saturday 4 days before and I say yes. I switch shifts with someone at work, move other appointments around, and tell my girlfriends I cant go out with them that night, I do what I need to to make time for him. Then Saturday comes and he cancels the date saying he is going to spend time with his kids. WHAT!!!

example #2
Everything in #1 happens except that he cancels because his child is sick.

To me example #1 is inexcuseable and total B.S. You should have scheduled time to spend with your children, to be at work, study for school, and spend with your girlfriend. After so many cancelled dates most women are going to dump you!!

Example #2 is totally understandable however and I would expect the date to be cancelled. Yes I would feel kind of bummed, but he's just being a responsible parent.

In conclusion, it's example #1 I keep running into with men with children. There just seems to be no schedule or balance in the relationship. Which is key if your going to have a relationship with someone and you have kids! You have to have a schedule when you have kids.


BACK TO THE GUY THAT I'M TALKING TO

With example #1 being what happened last time I was in a relationship with a man with kids, I didnt want to feel like I was being prejudice towards him. Just because that guy acted like that, it doesnt mean that it would be like that with this new guy. So far he is really nice, calls me regularly and I like talking to him. Or should I not even bother with the whole situation. My problem is the fact that so far in a budding relationship everything is going well and I would be dumping him solely on the basis that he has a child. Do I wait for it to go downhill or wait for the sliver of a chance that it might actually be a good relationship.

I just wanted the opinions of others that have date persons with children and did not have any of their own.