I don't Believe my Husband - What would you believe? Need Opinions

[JustTooMuch]

Thanks everyone. I have replied to your question about what prompted me to look but it came back that the moderator must approve it. So it will post when it posts I guess (assuming this message posts). Without going into it all again...we'll just sum it up by saying that he had anger issues and I almost left because of it. As I was working through that he asked me what he could do to increase trust. I brought up the privacy issue. Three days later he have me his passwords and invited me to look through his computer. That's when I found the escorts. The rest of the discovery came a few days later.

[michelle23]

it sounds like he has a lot of other issues too so maybe this is the push you needed to walk away once and for all. it sounds like you have been unhappy for awhile.

the fact it took 3days to get those passwords is all the proof you need. he was just trying to cover it up. if you are in denial its time to snap out of it fast so you canstart this grieving process, heal and grow emotionally and get on with your life.

the first step is to start divorce proceedings so you should get a lawyer asap. good luck to you.

stick around on this forum. itl help you through the lonely times

[JustTooMuch]

it sounds like he has a lot of other issues too so maybe this is the push you needed to walk away once and for all. it sounds like you have been unhappy for awhile.

the fact it took 3days to get those passwords is all the proof you need. he was just trying to cover it up. if you are in denial its time to snap out of it fast so you canstart this grieving process, heal and grow emotionally and get on with your life.

the first step is to start divorce proceedings so you should get a lawyer asap. good luck to you.

stick around on this forum. itl help you through the lonely times

Thank you Michelle23. Yes, I've been unhappy for the duration of the marriage. But I hate the thought of another failed marriage. So I was trying to work through the emotional abuse. This is "JustTooMuch".

[JustTooMuch]

Thanks for the warning. It's all good because I'm half Irish...

[basilandthyme]

Thank you Michelle23. Yes, I've been unhappy for the duration of the marriage. But I hate the thought of another failed marriage. So I was trying to work through the emotional abuse. This is "JustTooMuch".

Just wanting to point out that this marriage has already failed. Getting a divorce won't make it more failed than it already is.

[JustTooMuch]

Just wanting to point out that this marriage has already failed. Getting a divorce won't make it more failed than it already is.

Very true statement.

[Boisdevie]

Yes, I've been unhappy for the duration of the marriage.

You need look long and hard into why you would put up with years of this crap.

[JustTooMuch]

You need look long and hard into why you would put up with years of this crap.

Well I thought I was dealing with a stressed out guy that didn't know how to process his anger or deal with kids. I didn't know I was dealing with infidelity as well. And when we married I moved 6000 miles away to be with him. I left my career and put so much into it that I wanted to make it work. So I adjusted my boundaries versus standing firm. I definitely realize that I put up with too much and made everything magnify. But I guess the reason I posted here was to get people's opinions on whether his story was believable or whether most people agree with me. I honestly think he's a serial cheater. And that is something I will never put up with.

[michelle23]

dont stay out of pride or coz ur afraid people will say it failed. walking away is the smartest thing you can do and that takes courage.

my aunt stays in a very unhappy marriage just coz shes afraid what people will think. its not a good reason to stay and we all wish shed swallow her pride and kick him out.

it doesnt make you a failure. your happieness is the most important thing so do what is best for you and **** everyone else

[Wakeup]

Well I thought I was dealing with a stressed out guy that didn't know how to process his anger or deal with kids. I didn't know I was dealing with infidelity as well. And when we married I moved 6000 miles away to be with him. I left my career and put so much into it that I wanted to make it work. So I adjusted my boundaries versus standing firm. I definitely realize that I put up with too much and made everything magnify. But I guess the reason I posted here was to get people's opinions on whether his story was believable or whether most people agree with me. I honestly think he's a serial cheater. And that is something I will never put up with.

I'm seeing characteristics of the codependent in you JTM. Have you ever thought about looking into that? You're going to keep picking the same kind of man if you don't take care of you first. Now is the absolute perfect time for you to start taking care of you and helping yourself to be the best you that you can be through education, and knowing when to let go of unhealthy dynamics.

http://www.allaboutcounseling.com/codependency.htm This site may or may not resonate with you. Give it a go over, nothing to lose.

[JustTooMuch]

Yes I have researched co-dependency and my problem is that I redefine my boundaries to avoid confrontation. Luckily I don't have a lot of the symptoms. But I am a peacemaker and will sacrifice myself to make peace. Upon realization of the boundary issue, I recognized my faults (not having boundaries), recognized my boundaries and left my husband. So yes, you are right. I do hope that upon this realization I will continue to hold strong to my boundaries and stop this cycle of allowing people to cross them.

Thanks.

[michelle23]

i hope you do stand your ground firmly on this. and i hope you meet a wonderful loyal honest kind man in the next few years.

best of luck

[Wakeup]

Yes I have researched co-dependency and my problem is that I redefine my boundaries to avoid confrontation. Luckily I don't have a lot of the symptoms. But I am a peacemaker and will sacrifice myself to make peace. Upon realization of the boundary issue, I recognized my faults (not having boundaries), recognized my boundaries and left my husband. So yes, you are right. I do hope that upon this realization I will continue to hold strong to my boundaries and stop this cycle of allowing people to cross them.

Thanks.

You're aware. That's a good thing. Remember this post if/when you see red flags from your next romantic prospect so you can get out before you're too far in.

Take care of you, JTM.