How do i accept being alone my whole life?

[Noah]

And what advice do you expect? No one answers your questions better than you. Ultimately, you either want and do or do not want and do nothing. In addition to the posts on the forums. Devote your life to something. Let it absorb all of you without leaving time to think about women. Could work.

[pcmaster]

The problem is that no matter how much i accept myself and no matter how much i socializing i will still never be accepted by anyone. My flaws is too many and too severe and there is no cure for it, i really tried. My only chance to have a romantic relationship is if a women accept me for who i am but that will ofcourse never happen since i am not good enough and if you can not improve from that state then you are doomed.

You are negative about all the advice. Negative mind will not bring you positive results. I understand what you are saying. You try and still nothing. you see you have to try harder and longer. No matter how slow you go as long as you dont stop. It took you years to get to this stage so dont expect fast results in weeks or months. It will take years to get life you want. I know its painful to get out there when you been escaping reality most of your life. But in order to grow you have to leave the old shell. Like in that batman movie - in order to escape prison he had to cut rope - only think that kept if alive if he fall but it also was too short for a jump he had to make to escape.

So expect depression, expect your soul being transformer in a ways you cant imagine. It wont be easy journey but the reward is worth it. There is no shortut to sucsess, you have to take the stairs.
Take care of your body mind and social health. You see your flaws but see yourself also as unique human being that have original set of values to offer to a girl. No matter how low you are in some low point in your life theres always some girl to who you are good enough. Even homeless people have girlfriends. SO its not about who you are.

[TheEvilJester]

For example:
Being an introvert means you cannot get women at all?
Having low income means you can’t have sex
Having bad looks is something you cannot change in regards to style, grooming and fitness?
Being weird and odd or not knowing how to behave in social interactions is something that cannot be changed in a person ever?
Being an unlisted virgin cannot be changed?
People Having low social status cannot seduce girls?

Exactly. All of those CAN be changed or, at the very least, improved. Believe me, I know how that can feel hopeless sometimes. But, it CAN be done. I am living proof myself. I spent most of my life HATING myself. HATING the face I saw in the mirror. I don't know that I'll ever LOVE myself per se. That may be asking a bit much. ...But, I like myself these days. I care about myself. For me that is a HUGE step. Love still eludes me. Part of me thinks it always will... but maybe some day I'll be proven wrong. If so, that will be the time I am happiest ever to be wrong. But, in the meantime I have been focusing on having more appreciation for myself.

I know how hard that can be. I've been where you are. I get out of that and you can too. You will be surprised what great things can happen when you start to give yourself that chance. Good luck. You deserve to be happy. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise.... not even yourself.

[Hooo!]

If you try to repeatedly upgrade a program but it won’t really work for you
Maybe it’s time to look at the drivers and use other Programms as well

Doing the same thing repeatedly with the same outcome (that you don’t want)
That’s not getting you what you want

[jeffersson]

Bullshit.
Limiting beliefs are never true
For example:
Being an introvert means you cannot get women at all?
Having low income means you can’t have sex
Having bad looks is something you cannot change in regards to style, grooming and fitness?
Being weird and odd or not knowing how to behave in social interactions is something that cannot be changed in a person ever?
Being an unlisted virgin cannot be changed?
People Having low social status cannot seduce girls?

- - - Updated - - -

The problem in the first place is not what you listed
The problem is how you see yourself and your attitude

That however can be changed.
Maybe you have tried before
But you have tried the wrong thing

I’m not good looking
I was a creep once
Had low social status and dass weird odd and didn’t know how to interact with girls
And for me it changed because I learned

What women would accept a guy who spends 90 % of his free time with watching tv, using laptop and computer and reading books?

What women would accept a guy who has a low-income job? Women like guys with cool jobs that have a lot of money.

I have a tremandous amount of flaws when it comes to looks and they are too severe, i tried everything to fix my looks but i am very ugly no matter what i do. I am objective ugly, google it. I actually think that i am deformed too, not 100 %, but perhaps 25 % (its possible to have different level of deformed).

I am weird and odd in a natural way....i am born with bad social skills, something with my brain.

Yes i can stop being a virgin if a go to a hooker, but there is no way i am gonna do that, women are not object, i will not pay for sex.

What women like guys who have low social status? Why on earth would any women want a guy who is a unkissed virgin with few friends and a low income job who is also ugly and have bad social skills?

No, the problem is how shallow people are in this society, both males and females. If you have many flaws like me everyone look down at you. I already accepted who i am, i know what i am, but as you can see people are not very fond of guys like me....i just wish i could be accepted for who i am because i can never be a cool social guy.

I am glad it worked for you, but we are different persons. You might have some stuff with you that is bad and can be worked on, but i have more bad stuff and none of it can be fixed, see the difference?

- - - Updated - - -

If you try to repeatedly upgrade a program but it won’t really work for you
Maybe it’s time to look at the drivers and use other Programms as well

Doing the same thing repeatedly with the same outcome (that you don’t want)
That’s not getting you what you want

i am not doing that. i am trying different ways.

- - - Updated - - -

You are negative about all the advice. Negative mind will not bring you positive results. I understand what you are saying. You try and still nothing. you see you have to try harder and longer. No matter how slow you go as long as you dont stop. It took you years to get to this stage so dont expect fast results in weeks or months. It will take years to get life you want. I know its painful to get out there when you been escaping reality most of your life. But in order to grow you have to leave the old shell. Like in that batman movie - in order to escape prison he had to cut rope - only think that kept if alive if he fall but it also was too short for a jump he had to make to escape.

So expect depression, expect your soul being transformer in a ways you cant imagine. It wont be easy journey but the reward is worth it. There is no shortut to sucsess, you have to take the stairs.
Take care of your body mind and social health. You see your flaws but see yourself also as unique human being that have original set of values to offer to a girl. No matter how low you are in some low point in your life theres always some girl to who you are good enough. Even homeless people have girlfriends. SO its not about who you are.

I am negative about it becuase all the advice i got so far i have already tried with no success.


Try longer and harder? I am not a robot who be turned down by thousands of people, no human can take that. And i will not have success anyways, i have so many unfixable flaws its insane.

Please do tell me why any women on earth would accept me? Unkissed virgin, few friends, weird and odd, low income job, introvert and none of it can be fixed....

How can you be so sure about "reward"? I know about others who lived their whole live alone even thought they tried all the time. This is not a nice world, so many people have bad their whole lifes in different type of ways, there is no "reward".

- - - Updated - - -

Exactly. All of those CAN be changed or, at the very least, improved. Believe me, I know how that can feel hopeless sometimes. But, it CAN be done. I am living proof myself. I spent most of my life HATING myself. HATING the face I saw in the mirror. I don't know that I'll ever LOVE myself per se. That may be asking a bit much. ...But, I like myself these days. I care about myself. For me that is a HUGE step. Love still eludes me. Part of me thinks it always will... but maybe some day I'll be proven wrong. If so, that will be the time I am happiest ever to be wrong. But, in the meantime I have been focusing on having more appreciation for myself.

I know how hard that can be. I've been where you are. I get out of that and you can too. You will be surprised what great things can happen when you start to give yourself that chance. Good luck. You deserve to be happy. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise.... not even yourself.

i am well aware of people who changed their lifes and i happy for them/you....but what you fail to realise is that some people are this "bad"...some of us have no hope....our flaws are too many and too severe and we do live in a horrible an shallow world....it does not matter how much i love myself....beacuse i already do....admitting my flaws do not mean that i hate myself it means i have great self-awareness.

[Hooo!]

No you are not. All you do is whine.
You are not listening to me. Instead you stay on your old line of views and beliefs that you as a person have for multiple (changeable) reasons no chance to interact with women.
And the problem is: until you believe otherwise you might get lucky but in my opinion do not stand a chance of being continuously successful with women.

The worst part is not your Looks or your oddness it’s your attitude. Your attitude however lies in your own hands alone and if you would choose to change it then you could.
You could for example belief things that you think are not true. For instance you could believe that girls in lingerie are disgusting.

Let me explain the limiting beliefs further:
I am spending 90% of my free time (apart from being with my wife and my dog) on my computer the phone books or tevo
I still get laid.
Even if I wasn’t you still have the power to decide what to do in your free time.

If women liked only guys with high income jobs how do you explain that your coworkers also have relationships and or getting laid.

Maybe your face is ugly. I have seen people with ugly faces work out and dress nice. They are still getting laid or have beautiful relationships.

Everyone is born with bad social skills
People learn that shit.
Social skills are learnable.


I don’t see any difference apart from your lack of willingness to see the world from a different anchle

If you were to play a game with a belief set in mind that you are gonna lose no matter what you did then the outcome is very probably that you are gonna lose.

[TheEvilJester]

Believe me, I understand how you feel. I've been there myself. So... let's examine this a little closer...

What women would accept a guy who spends 90 % of his free time with watching tv, using laptop and computer and reading books?

What exactly is wrong with that? If that is how you happen to like spending your free time, what is wrong with that? Are you OPEN to doing other things? For example, if you had a girlfriend, would you be willing to do other things with her if she wanted? Like go on vacations, or go on day trips, or things like that? I myself am very much a home-body. When work is over for the day, or I have a day off.... more often than not I like to spend my free time exactly as you describe. I tend to be in front of the TV with my cat right there with me, watching TV from my DVR or Netflix/Hulu/Amazon Prime. Watching movies. On the Internet. That's just my favorite thing to do at times when I have free time. But that doesn't mean I DON'T do other things, nor does it mean I am not open to other things. So, there's nothing wrong with you spending 90% of your free time doing lazy things as long as you are willing to occasionally get outside your box as well.

What women would accept a guy who has a low-income job? Women like guys with cool jobs that have a lot of money.

Do you at least make enough money to get buy? Money isn't the most important thing in the world. Not all women are going to care that much. Not to mention, you could always try to get better paying jobs in the future. If you barely earn enough to make ends meet (or maybe don't even) and you don't care/have no intention of changing that, THAT could be a problem for most women. But, not all women are going to turn their nose up at you if you aren't rolling in the dough right this minute. Especially considering plenty of women make enough of their own money these days. So, decent chance the two of you together would make enough for it no to matter if you became a serious couple. But, again, you can always strive to find better jobs making more money.


I have a tremandous amount of flaws when it comes to looks and they are too severe, i tried everything to fix my looks but i am very ugly no matter what i do. I am objective ugly, google it. I actually think that i am deformed too, not 100 %, but perhaps 25 % (its possible to have different level of deformed).

Well, I don't know what "flaws" you have in particular, but flaws are usually something you can work on and improve on with effort. And, I don't know how ugly you may truly be.... but I venture to guess you are not nearly as ugly as YOU think. That's coming from a guy who spent most of his life thinking he was HIDEOUS. I've always thought I was ugly. ...These days I've begun to think I've always been wrong. I'm no Bradley Cooper or Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson, but I'm not bad. I would guess the same could be said for you.... that you are a lot uglier in your own mind than you really are.

But, as others have said, even if you aren't super attractive, you can get around that other ways. As was mentioned, a nice wardrobe and a good workout routine can go a long way in that department.

I am weird and odd in a natural way....i am born with bad social skills, something with my brain.

MY GOD, I know just what you mean. I'm freaking weird as Hell. But, weird can be good. I think it is definitely fine and healthy to work on improving ways you are weird that may be detrimental... but some weirdness is okay. I say embrace your weird. For me personally, that's one of the things that has most helped me be happy. I've stopped worrying that I am so weird and frankly have just learned to enjoy it. Funny thing.... other people actually seem to enjoy it as well. There ARE good kinds of weird. F normal. Normal is boring.

And I hear you on social skills. But, social skills can be learned, can be taught. You don't have to remain socially awkward. I'm working on that myself, particularly around women. Guys like us, we're never going to be Mr. Social Butterfly life of the party. But, we can at least learn to improve in that department. Plenty of women are going to prefer a guy who is a little more reserved and not so peppy and social.

Yes i can stop being a virgin if a go to a hooker, but there is no way i am gonna do that, women are not object, i will not pay for sex.

See, now based on this alone I think you are freaking awesome! I've always felt the same way. I'm no longer a virgin.... but I was until later in life than most people are these days. And you know something? I never cared in the slightest that I was a virgin. I wanted love, but I didn't care that much about my status as a virgin. I'd rather have remained a virgin forever than to have sex just to have sex. I'd rather never have sex again than to have it indiscriminately with just anybody. That isn't to say casual sex with no attachments between two consenting adults is wrong. That's just fine. It's just not for me, personally.

But, I think this attitude alone shows that you have something to offer women.

Look, I for one definitely understand this feeling of hopelessness. I know everything we say just seems like meaningless words. I know that from my own experience. So, I for one definitely understand that you don't MEAN to be dismissive of our advice. I understand it just feels like you've tried everything all with nothing to show for it. I'd love to tell you there is some easy, magic answer for turning that around. Unfortunately there isn't. Time, practice, attitude, experience, those are really the only things that will help.

You may even want to seek the help of a professional. Don't be fooled by the stigma that sometimes has. You would not be weak to admit you need help. Everybody needs help sometimes. Maybe there is a professional who could actually help you get over some of the issues that keep you from finding the love you want.

But, you can certainly do it... or at the very least find the inner-peace within yourself to enjoy life and be happy with or without love, even if you do still want it. See, already you are off to a better start than I was. You said you don't hate yourself. I always did hate myself... yet I've come as far as I have. You can certainly do it if I did. Again, not to imply it is easy. It's not. But it is worth it. Good luck, friend.

[pcmaster]

You are not ready to change. Thats why you not ready to accept and believe advice. You need a therapist not a forum. You see all the negative about yourself but theres positive things too that you will be fully aware only when your soul is healed. Maybe you need to fall in love first before you start wanna change.
Unkissed? Why should any girl kiss a guy whos mindset dont allows himself to be loved? How can you kiss anyone if you sabotage yourself all the time? If you have anxiety thats because you live in the future. For every scenario you have ready negative outcome already prepared in your mind. If you have depression thats because you live in the past. If you want to be happy then it starts with looking at reflection in the mirror with love. Before you love and accept yourself you can't ask anyone to do it to you first. Change how you think and it will change your world.

[Hooo!]

And I’m sitting here wondering:
Guy sais he has done much to improve himself, then what has he done to unsuccesssfully improve his situation?

Im just confused because guy keeps on telling us he has done EVERYThing and nothing is working
And I just can’t think of what that everything may be.
And I’m not being mean here. I’m genuinely curious.

[TheEvilJester]

You are not ready to change. Thats why you not ready to accept and believe advice.

Yes, and I think therein lies a great summary of what makes this so hard for guys like us, Jeffersson. Believe me, I know you WANT to change, just as I always wanted to change. I know you've tried to change just as I always had. It's just, unfortunately, there is some kind of intangible aspect to it where you have to have the attitude that change is possible. Sometimes you can kind of force yourself into that positive attitude.... but sometimes it honest to Todd is damn near impossible. Sometimes, whether you mean to or not, you are just convinced that changing isn't going to help so your heart really isn't in it. At times like that, it can be/seem very hard or even impossible to make any positive change.

You may just be in a position right now where you can't see any silver-lining to your dark clouds. I've been there myself. So, hence all our advice may seem to fall on deaf ears, but it's just that you can't see any hope. As much as you can help it, just don't give up. Those negative feelings eventually fade. For some of us, maybe they don't ever go away completely, but they at least fade from a scream to a dull whisper easily ignored. Hopefully your dark clouds part a little soon and put you in a better position to be ready to give hope a chance.

Again, I will reiterate that a therapist may be able help you with that. So, if you can please do not hesitate to seek out that help. And again, I will also reiterate that it IS NOT weak and should not be viewed as weak to admit you need help or to get help when you need it. Why should you suffer through something so terrible if there is a chance a trained professional may be able to help you get through it? Good luck to you, friend. I sincerely hope that some day the world proves you wrong and you wind up with an amazing gal who loves you like crazy.

[Hooo!]

I have been there too
And I have improved

You are telling us what you do (how you do and why you do it and with what attitude behind it) is not working for you.
You tell us that you have tried many things. Still not working.

Well my general advise would be here to think that if you can’t do it on your own maybe it’s time to really listen to other people and stop doing what you did in the past.

I’ve noticed you have gone quiet on here for quite some time. Probably because you are afraid and or not getting the sympathy and especially not reading what you thought you would.
Drastic Change happens outside your own scope of comfort or logic.
If your own logic or scope does not yield the results you want you need to step out of it.
We can try give directions as to that

[pcmaster]

I been reading this 24 year old guy success story on nofap forum and he have already 840 days in his young age without pmo(porn masturbatio orgasm). So I think its super cool and inspiring how can just no pmo can change ones lifes and perception of world and others. Wanted to share this with OP since Im sure he have same addiction that controls his life more than he thinks.

I have come to a point in my recovery where I experience daily a reality in which I am less afraid of being afraid, and am compassionate enough to expose myself truthfully to others. In so doing I have felt enabled to experience a filter free reception of people. This transforms the world I thought I knew every day. My brilliant conclusions about it all get turned upside down. I stop waiting for things to happen in a world I already know about, and start seeking in every moment new Truth and life in a world I know nothing of. Embracing this fear and uncertainty, I am made anew.

I actively listen to others and respond truthfully. Their words flow in without my visualizing them, and I simply respond on impulse. Life flows through my limbs without overexciting them. I am more comfortable with discomfort. My heart is more capable of receiving those around me, and my energy gained through abstinence from PMO flows out of me and infects others with happiness and inspiration (at the very least, positivity). I haven't been able to use this energy in this way ever before. It was there, but I kept it all balled up inside of me, spending it on pursuits more personal, although still positive and constructive, nothing so involved. It stank of pride.

Now I feel it has become more akin to charity: I get over myself enough to direct my full attention to who a person I am socializing with is. I ask where they're from, what they studied, what they like. I ask these questions, but I really ask them, not because I want to watch myself in my mind's eye be social and cross that box off my "self-development activities" list, but because I can only see the outside of the person in front of me and want to understand the intangible things that comprise that person’s character. Embracing a fear of silence in conversation, and revealing my hearts most inward emotional reactions discernible in their physical expressions gives me a heightened awareness of who they are. This awareness is not a series of Sherlockian deductions, but is more of an emotional presence. Scarier, but more real and more fun. From a place of humility, I open myself up to being affected by all of their actions and allow my emotional subconscious and an existence I am less certain of control the topics of conversation. I surprise myself every time with how much I end up having to say, and from a place of confidence and self-esteem I boldly allow my reactions towards all their actions rise to the surface, un-dampened by any distracting ideas of what a smooth conversation “should” look like, simply allowing the life to happen. I more often than not say it all very smoothly too, and charmingly. I ask questions about them directly relevant to the immediate surroundings and circumstances, controlling myself for just a second to think about their personality in the context of the situation we are socializing in, and a smooth, charming, friendly and fun guy comes out.

I’m finding true worthwhile communication to be not so much in the words exchanged as it is in living truthfully with another person. Instead of a sterile exchange of words and opinions which one or the other might be proud of, it becomes responding to mannerisms and facial expressions, acting with a profound sense of tone someone is carrying, and other things that I'm sure linger in my subconscious but cannot elaborate on. These are things that bring out subtext, and this is where the communication really happens. I am fulfilled in my social life in a way I've never been fulfilled before, and its FUN! SO MUCH FUN!

I think there is pre-requisite self-esteem necessary to experience this, but this process brings additional self-esteem and fulfillment on another level. Communication and life have become so much more. By embracing my fear (which don't get me wrong, is hard every time I have to do it when I enter a conversation. I’m never fully ready to do it), and laying myself bare in a conversation, I get back so much more than I've ever gotten from life before.

Interacting with people in this open-hearted way has surprised me about so many things. It makes me feel that I’m just going down the aisle of categories in my life and redefining everything, or at least cracking ideas open to more interpretations. My intention with approaching people more openly was originally one of those self-development activities that I build myself up with. I thought living with others this way would simply make me smoother and more attractive to others. It does this, but I started developing real levels of trust with others. I am making a ton of friends (guys and girls). My understanding of friendship has been utterly transformed.

What’s being taken from us by PMO is very real. Conversely, our lives are waiting to be transformed in a way that we actually cannot imagine from the imprisonment of our PMO state of existence (as useful as it is to try). It’s so good it's commonly been described as becoming a superhero. But the overwhelming nature of my discovery makes me think that I can’t really relate it to you with words alone. This is simply what life was meant to be all along. People are drawn to this, even without an ability to perceive what it could really be like for themselves. It's allowed me to get along with people I could never have imagined getting along with before.

I think we in this community know that what we’ve lost includes a lot of different things, but can’t say the reasons for which they are all connected. I think the greatest reason to be motivated to join the fight is the experience of connection I have found myself in, and this existence is no category of life, but encapsulates all of it. It’s living truthfully with another human being. In this the possibilities are endless. Perspectives are transformed, motivation is multiplied infinitely, energy skyrockets. With others, we can go from crawling to flying.

Watch these videos and you might be satisfied with an understanding of the idea of this all-encapsulating ability inside of you merited simply by being a human being (although more particularly for men). But I think the only way to experience it is to be wary of how much you involve yourself in the pink cloud fantasizing about what you can be, and to make sure that despite all of this, you cannot live your life with any certainty about your faculties, at least the ones that involve human interaction. I think this is what people mean when they say there is never a right time to do something. I think preconceived notions about anything, even if they’re actually 100% true, really stand in the way of being self-less and other seeking, and keep us in our own way of becoming truly happy.

[MEDIA=youtube]txOiSnGm8aE[/MEDIA]

Mark Queppet describes an energy gained from abstinence as a “retraining of your emotional system.” Addiction cripples it, and abstinence empowers what is otherwise difficult to even be aware of, much less empower.

[MEDIA=youtube]_dMLmwGfL48[/MEDIA]

I think this retraining of my emotional system is part of what makes me feel alive. I feel that I’ve taken hold and started utilizing a better part of me. It’s a part I can’t quantify or analyze, but a part that makes life more uncertain and amazing. This part of me connects me with the world around me, and that’s the whole point. We cannot do anything alone. PMO and other addictions keep us alone. Recovery brings us together.

[Hooo!]

Actually I don’t see what not jerking of has anything to do with being successful in love
Except that you have to exercise grit. And that is nice.

[TheEvilJester]

That certainly CAN work for some. That seems to be a path that is helping PC, so I would certainly never advise anybody away from something that helps them in a healthy way. I do agree with Hooo, though, in that I don't necessarily think that path is for everybody and I don't necessarily think self-pleasure has any direct connection to whether or not you are successful in love. There are plenty of people in this world who don't do that and yet still can't find love just as there are plenty of people who find love and yet still don't see any problem with doing that as often as they want.

Frankly, I think whether or not somebody does that is completely their own business and not necessarily something that need be shared. However, release of that tension is something of a biological need. I actually can't help but wonder how choosing NOT to do that wouldn't actually have the reverse effect. I would feel like that would cause you to have TOO much sexual tension building up and could cause you to be TOO desperate to find a relationship more so because you are just looking to relieve that tension and not necessarily to actually find love. It certainly would be a bad thing if you become ADDICTED to self-relief, and that certainly CAN happen. But, so long as it is not done in a way that is otherwise harmful to yourself or others, I don't see how it is necessarily a direct correlation. It sounds counter-productive to me.... but then again, it apparently works for some people. So, if it works for them that is great.

And, again, I'm not necessarily the best authority on such a topic. As I mentioned, I'm not exactly wired like most men in that sense.

[Hooo!]

Whatever he does to improve himself
And whatever progress he has made
I would not assume that this is due to having blue balls