is it wrong to hate my fiancee's ex wife?

[vashti]

There is too much vitriol on this thread for the circumstances to be exactly as presented. I'm sure the ex would have a few choice things to say.

[SirWagginston]

Like getting to freeload off of child support...

[vashti]

You clearly don't understand how child support and spousal support actually work.

Anyway, I don't believe most states will grant spousal support unless the marriage lasted >10 years.

[SirWagginston]

Well, assuming the OP is being honest, I know how her fiance's ex thinks it works. She thinks it means that she can go out and party with her friends, without having to ever get a job.

[Doc Durian]

..and/or that by keeping the wedge in place, he has more time and money to devote to their children together when each of his relationships fail.

It also may serve a self esteem function for his ex. He can never leave her and she doesn't have to be with him. A man in the shadows at all times with no control of his destiny.

[SirWagginston]

..and/or that by keeping the wedge in place, he has more time and money to devote to their children together when each of his relationships fail.

I'm not sure what you mean by that. Do you mean to imply that the ex might hope for them to break up, so that his resources remain concentrated on her interests?

[Doc Durian]

Wouldn't be the first case of it.

Yes, that could be part of it or all of it.

Too many variables to consider.

Though if the woman refuses to be civil, there is a reason behind it.

[Illusional]

you can hate her all that you want, but the fact of the matter is that it won't change anything. honestly, it won't change anything because it seems like your future husband has always taken her abuse and been a spineless person when it comes to her. if you really want things to change, instead of just hating her and hoping that she dies, try talking to your fiancee and get him to get off his ass and do something about her.

raverboy

[dyno31225]

well here's the scoop.... i'm going to tell it how it is since there are always to sides of the story. She's not a bad mother... i know she loves her kids. who doesn't. she just wants to make our lives hard. she called the police once on us when we went to pick up his kids when it was his day to have them (friday-sunday) and we presented the court papers that he does have them on these days. We have them also on monday, wednesday, and thursday for about 5 hours that its not on the papers, because she said that she wanted to go back to school and get her CNA certificate and she can look for a job. We had no objection to it because we thought hey she's really trying now. after she was done and supposedly got her certificate... she told US that she's going to wait for her spousal support and ask for more child support and take whatever he has left, then look for a job. She text messaged him all of this. I was like wow! after we helped her and everything by helping her get her certificate and paying for child day care for the two youngest. The eldest one is in 1st grade. Then she tells us that he is no longer to see his kids because he's a useless father and the reason why she came up with him taking the kids friday-sunday is to prevent him from going out or doing anything else. SHE ACTUALLY SAID THIS! it seems like im just sugar coating our side but i'm really not. I want to get along with her so it would make it easier for the kids. Yes, she does want us to breakdown and separate... she said so herself. As for her wanting to die... that never crossed my mind and it never will.

We live in the state of california.... spousal support is given even if it's less than 10 years. The court will ask him to pay spousal support for half the time they have been married. So they been married for 7 years so that would be 3.5 years of spousal support. The court will also grant spousal support if it seems just. There's alot to it but i dont really want to get into that.

Remember... child support is calculated by the time spent with the parent. so we have them for 3 days and thats how much child support services calcuated it and that equaled up to 700 a month. so yeah.. that should be used towards the children right? if it was... then why is she still calling him and asking him to buy diapers, wipes, milk, and other things. When he tells her that she has the child support money plus government help, how come she doesn't buy it herself. She said and i quote " Im too lazy and these are your kids and the support money that you're giving me a month is not enough"

I AM NOT FABRICATING ANY OF THIS!! IM TELLING YOU THE GOD HONEST TRUTH!

[SirWagginston]

Honestly, I would be furious. I wouldn't be giving her anything the government didn't force me to, and I would be at court every ****ing day filing civil suits to make that amount as small as possible. I would save all of her text messages and record what she says on the phone for evidence. I can't fathom why your fiance isn't doing all of this. Does he have any balls, at all?

[dyno31225]

haha.. he does. he saved all her text messages and voice mails and wrote down everything she has done and presented it to the court. he actually had a restraining order on her. Oh.. I forgot to mention that she has no respect for anyone.... one day she was angry because he went to see his mom in the hospital for a few hours and she came to OUR home, barged in and took her kids and said i was never to touch them ever again and he was never to see his kids ever agaiin also! I told him what happened and he called the police and told them that she came and took his kids without consent and it was his day to have them. the police went to her home and asked why did she take the kids and enter our home and this is what she said and im quoting the police... she said, "im trying to teach him a lesson because he deserves it"

What i can say is WOW!

[SirWagginston]

What, and the police accepted that? If you didn't open the door and let her in, and she had no entitlement to the property, I would just assume that counts as breaking and entering. How is she getting away with all of this?

[dyno31225]

his sister opened the door and i was upstairs giving my kids a bath. that's how she just went in. The police took it to consideration but asked what we wanted to do and we said that we dont want her near the house and if she does come pick up the kids she needs to stay inside the car. and no its not considered as breaking and entering... unfortunately... as for her getting away with all of this... i think its because of the kids.... we're acting civil... she isn't....

[vashti]

This sounds like an awful environment for ALL of the kids. Have none of you learned how to defuse a situation by now?
I hope you adults can get your shit together, and quick.

[misombra]

why did she call the police and did he get arrested?