Going on A Date With Multiple Girls - Cheating?

[HeartIsAching]

Um no, michelle... a date is when you set a 'date' with someone you might be romantically interested in, and go on it.

[Rowen]

I agree- go forth and see what happens. But don't lead either on; just be up front about how you feel about them if you go on multiple dates. If you like the one and the other is more of a friend-type to you, don't feel obligated to keep seeing the one you view as more of a friend.

[masticate]

I would bring it up if I were asked. But just coming out during a date and saying you're dating around is not the best way to keep a girls interest....especially since it's none of her business anyway.

Once there's a relationship going then that's different of course

If it's a simple date why would this topic come up in the first place.

Btw.....it doesn't take that many dates to determine if a person is someone you want to care exclusively anyway

The thing is, you can define relationship a thousand ways.

One valid interpretation is that once a date is requested, a formal relationship officially begins... even if the status is 'newly met acquaintances'. At this point in time, if there is any potential for progress into romantic territory then it absolutely is the business of the other person to be made aware of whomever else you're seeing or at least that you are seeing others. If you fail to do this (inform them both), then it is blatant disregard for the possibility that your new acquaintance has strong feelings on this subject and you immediately put them in an inferior position. They should have the right to not be duped like this. That is why I mentioned 'integrity' in a previous post.

In addition to this, and in reference to my other previous post ... in plain English this time: If you date both without telling them both and commence a relationship with one or either of them under this pretense of: "you never asked me and it wasn't your business anyway"... it is reasonable and fair to be judged accordingly, even years after the fact. However, if you inform them both and then proceed with either or both relationships under no false pretense then you could potentially carry on indefinitely.

I don't see how the onus should be on somebody to formally ask whether the other is 'dating somebody'; I think the onus should be on the person who proposed the date initially to inform the other, ideally before the date is proposed.

[michelle23]

Um no, michelle... a date is when you set a 'date' with someone you might be romantically interested in, and go on it.

I know that but if he doesnt know them prior to the date or isnt sure yet whether he is romantically interested then I think its okay to go on one or two dates with both but then he should know whether he sees potential or not and make a decision. Id see it as cheating if he was dating both for months without telling them.

[dem862]

There is no hard and fast rule. But there are several reasons why multiple dating is not the best situation. First, it can be expensive. If you are doing dinners or movies or whatever, you have to keep both girls occupied during the week or risk getting dropped because you are not available often enough. Secondly it is time-consuming. I suppose it is not a big factor if you are young and highly social, but for some people they prefer to socialize on Friday and Saturday nights, which will greatly limit the amount of time available to date. Thirdly, I think some women would tend to not consider you as a serious prospect if they discover you are dating multiple other women. [Some] women tend to be insecure and the prospect of having to compete would drive them away.

There are other reasons, but that is what I can think of off the top of my head. I would avoid it if at all possible.

[Valixy]

Why not meet a girl a few times and see how you feel? You'll know soon enough if you like each other or not and if you'd like to continue or meet someone else.

[JD!]

Thanks for all the replies folks.

I probably should have mentioned I met both girls on eHarmony, so I didn't know them at all before that. As I mentioned I've only met with one of them once and the other I'll probably meet tomorrow so they are in effect still strangers.

Everyone here has made some great points. I'm not a cheater and go to lengths to be honest with people so I'm not trying to play these two girls.

I think what I'll do is, as others have suggested, go and see how it works out with these girls and if I feel more serious about one then I'll inform the other. I'll also amend my eHarmony profile to say I'm currently going on dates.

Does that sound fair?

[searock]

Yeah, update your profile to say you're currently going on dates, so that any girl you meet through eHarmony will know beforehand. If you meet someone somewhere else, you should let her know that you are going on dates via other means, of course.

Don't worry though, it's definitely not cheating. Just be honest and upfront about it, before you are on the actual first date.

[chinagirl]

Thanks for all the replies folks.

I probably should have mentioned I met both girls on eHarmony, so I didn't know them at all before that. As I mentioned I've only met with one of them once and the other I'll probably meet tomorrow so they are in effect still strangers.

Everyone here has made some great points. I'm not a cheater and go to lengths to be honest with people so I'm not trying to play these two girls.

I think what I'll do is, as others have suggested, go and see how it works hout with these girls and if I feel more serious about one then I'll inform the other. I'll also amend my eHarmony profile to say I'm currently going on dates.

Does that sound fair?

Fair enough and as soon as you commit to one, make sure to delete you EHarmony account.

Good luck.

[IndiReloaded]

When your dating - that is going on dates to see if there is something there, not actually in a relationship - is it considered cheating or wrong if you go on dates with multiple people?

I did exactly what you describe. But I never stringed along a guy I knew I wasn't interested in, and I always paid my own way. Once you start getting physical, or on multiple dates, you need to have a conversation about exclusivity.

[JD!]

Once you start getting physical, or on multiple dates, you need to have a conversation about exclusivity.

Yeah, that was pretty much what I figured. Once I've hit the 3rd date with one or the kissing starts I think that would be time to talk about it and let the other girl know I'm seeing someone.

- - - Updated - - -

Yeah, update your profile to say you're currently going on dates, so that any girl you meet through eHarmony will know beforehand.

Just tried to update my profile and I've no idea how to work it. Everything I wrote makes me sound like a dick. Any suggestions. 0_o

[geenamiller89]

If your definition of dating is meeting new individuals then there is nothing wrong. But once you have emotionally commit/dating exclusively/court the person then stop seeing the other person. However, dating is a term a lot of people abuse.

In this generation the term dating is "seeing each other/establishing a friendship" but before dating means "beyond the level of friendship-Wikipedia". This means you dated someone you already knew for a while. In your situation, it will not be considered as dating because you are just meeting strangers and trying to establish a friendship.

[michelle23]

Sometimes with online dating-for every 100 people you talk to, there is only one decent person so I think you kinda have to keep your options open for awhile. One reason ive never done online dating is coz I wouldnt trust anyone lol.

I dont think you should mention it on your profile coz no matter what you say its going to make you sound like a sleaze and all the decent women will delete you.

I know your intentions are good but I have no idea how your going to convince people of that. It would be so much less complicated if you just dated one at a time. Your either going to hit it off with her or you wont and its not going to take a long time to figure out if you like her or not.

[TheEvilJester]

You know, I'm not so sure if I agree with mentioning it on your profile. I'm also not so sure about telling the women before or on the date, unless they happen to ask. If they ask, be honest, but make sure to word it so it sounds just like what it is, and not like you are just a "player."

I only say this because it honestly wouldn't be fair for somebody to judge you for this. If you are just newly dating, nobody should have the right or any reason to consider it exclusive. I mean, heck thing of it this way for a moment.... Say you have a first date set with one woman, and suddenly another woman actually asks you out.... do you really think it would be a good idea to blow her off because "I'm already going on a first date with another girl?" I mean, jeez, what if the date winds up being a disaster? Then you've blown off a woman who could have been a good match for you just because you had a date with somebody else.

So, until things start to become serious, I don't see why it needs to be brought up unless asked. Maybe that is just me, though. I don't know. But, once you've gone on multiple dates with a person and seem to think you want to continue, that is when it is time to start having the exclusivity talks and decide if that is what you want.

[chinagirl]

Women go on multiple dates also and they don't necessarily volunteer this information to the guys they are dating. The premise to this is that once you become committed or exclusively dating someone on a regular basis, then you should stop dating anyone else and delete your on line account.

Additionally, don't string anyone if you were not attracted to them on the first date.

No need to put in your profile that you are currently dating because it is misleading. You are only in the beginning of getting to know these women. If they ask during the date, you can say yes, you are still keeping your options open until you find the right person.