feeling of being pushed away?

[IncognitoSir]

Spend less time worrying about the negative things in life and embrace the good. As for her allergies, offer her some antihistamine and sit down to watch a nice chick flick together.

did you really jjust say that? OP, keep is updated on this convo tonight.

[smackie9]

OK ill call tonight. im prepared for the wost. that why i asked point blank if she wanted me gone for good. i guess i dont undert stand if you women dont need time to really think and if somone asked you upfront am i staying or going, why say one thing if they are prepaired

You are asking the wrong way. If you come right at her like that all she's gonna to is clam up and avoid the issue. You need to ask calmly why she needs these changes , how she feels about the relationship, where does it stand, is there a need to continue, but you also have to express your own opinion that this is not what you want for a relationship, that you have expectations too. Just remember don't be so confrontational.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You're a pussy, so I know you won't listen, but you should just break up with her and let her come to you if that's what she wants. Tell her you don't like being strung along and it's over unless she decides to tell you what's going on. Start moving on.

[oldskool83]

I dont konw what ill really do, im trying to look at it thru all angle. but i dont want to bug. she did come after me friday on her own then. she did acept my offer and said come to the park if id like to. anyone can call me what ever they want, im not going to harsh with her, shes never been harsh to me. i know pepole she works with and the entire plant has gone thru layoffs and restructure, people with new jobs are being trained by pepole for them and the people whos got the new jobs are trianing new pepole for their old positions, on top of filling in 12 hrs weekends on sundays while people are brought on. i dont wanna be blunt. i dont wanna be strung along. i had sat down on lunch and talked with a femail friend hows single, our age and has a kid. she feels all these different changed thru work, the issues with the childs father, the father hating me cuz the girl likes to see me, kids end of school is either this week or or begiing of next week. i konw theres alot of pulls from every directions, im fine with giving someone some days to maybe tackle them, do i feel she backed up, yes i do. ive seen it. i konw she told me works getting wors before its getting better and that was after a week of hell.

im gonna wait til sunday night, i know shes home by then, ill call the house or cell, what ever i decide by then and ask if we can keep a day, i come over and talk for a few. i dont wanna come off being mean, normaly im not. i knew what she needs ballance, i can see that. shes got alot on her plate. could she be so stressed she dont wanna snap on me and want some chill time, sure. ive noticed shes been very short and snappy against the issue with the father. could she have rushed out relationshop, sure. does it need to stay like that, nope. i know her ruteen, theres no reason i cant fit in a few days a week and it be honestly ballanced and not stressed. her time, time with kid, time with me.

i think she got caught up in everything and trying to figure out how to let it settle out. i do beleive if she wanted me gone by now if would of been told to get my things. that fact i have no been told i take as a good sign. because monday i asked about somthing she had there i could use it and shes look for it.

entire time dating her ive observed alot, i mean everyday you would. i didnt see flaws or things i didnt like. she wanted me to help her mom out also that week she wason vacation, i gave her my phone she put the number in etc i got it back later. mom and her were thankfull i could help, very apprecative. i also know shes done the longterm stuff with the dad, its been a year since i know they were together but he was a truck driver so she was use to it normaly being her and the kid. she knows im use to full on living with someone, but ive also lived alone had no gf for almost 2 years once. i can do it. that was after my divorce. shes not a facebook junky, ive seen how most nights go, alot of out alone time normayl came 11pm to 2am. if i couldnt get the kid to sleep before 10pm. im not really worriing anymore, im more so just thinking any posible reason and keep coming back to what she said. not sure if she ready to be fulltime like weve been living together cuz of not being able to spend anytime with the kid. its an honest not a big deal factor.

thats what im going with for now ill call sunday i feel by then nuff time has passed to ask what we gonna do about this.

thinking back to sunday i had mad the comment yeah im been so bored im going thru entire house getting rid of stuff, doing things i havent been able to do in the last month. she said yeah if funny when you have time what you can get done. shes normaly a smart ass, i just told her to shut up after that. thats how we've been. i know she been wanting to get things done cuz there was a notebook id use for the kid to write letters on, once night trying to find a black sheet i noticed a weekly game plan writen down a bunch of time, clear this room go thru these boxes in storeage iunit, get rid of this things. all things ive known she has not had time to do.

[smackie9]

yer just being passive/agressive. One minute you've had enough and want this dealt with, the next minute you are being a pussy, giving it more time (putting it off). You are feeling a lot of guilt for all those bad feelings you have on her so you passify yourself by doing her chores. You get no where in life if you avoid things out of fear.

[smackie9]

In a real relationship, you work together as a team, by supporting each other through thick and thin.....that's how you stay together for the long haul. She should be coming to you for comfort and support in these uncertain times of her employment, not out partying and chillin with buddies.......that should be telling you something dude.

[oldskool83]

Im taking it all into consideration. i do feel i need to give some space though, that my 1st real start. friday when i gave space she came to me. i didnt push much but maybe my text per day was not what she wanted. she might of wanted to contact me.

i also dont know if she use to the team idea. i konw the father has never been there too much. he had good intentions she said, but neer followed thru. i had the intentions and followed thru.

[smackie9]

If they ask for space, that means there is trouble........there are many on here that have experienced this....you are in denial.

[oldskool83]

i called her phone phone around 8:30 tonight. i thought she answer but her it was her almost 6 year old daughter. it sounded just like her and i had a nice 2 mins coversation with her lol...she like do you want me to get mommy...i go yes! crap sorry i taylor i didnt know it was you. i get my g/f and shes giggliny away. i go yeah i talked to her like i was talking to you and didnt know it.

i said looke id just like to know if we can get together one night to talk. then i said look if you think i might of been mad or upset because of your request to spend more time with your daugher that does not bother me. i told her spend time with her, spend time with your friends. if i cant see ya for 3-4 days thats not an issue but let meknow how ya day was or somthing via text. she said shes been so bussy with extra hours at work and when she home shes just so burned out she has not been texting many people at all. she openly went on about work, her training is done but she now fulltime on her own with this new job and shes very lost and its upsetting er working like 10 hrs a day and being lost, saturday she has to go in to work for a half shift she said and do her old job. sunday she off and wanted to sleep into to lunch cuz she worn out and thinks she prob gonna be having the kid. she said she would let me know how the weekend goes if the dads paretns will watch the kid this weekend or not. friday night she wanted to spend time with her at a carnival. also sher school is done this week and her daycare for the summer starts up which she does not konw the hours that will be, that will determind her work hours.

i know for sure no woman would check her caller id, and let her daught pick the phone up cuz she only let her do that to her dad or gramma. you wouldnt give faulse hope to a child to talk to someone they like.

so the game plan looks like sunday if things go ok, and other then that im not asking too much yet cuz shes unshore what times she will be home after daycar or who is picking her up, the dad or her...that BS. i also said i just want to make sure your ok. i said im easy going to work things out and all your need is ballance which is easy to find once ya see what fits there. she said i know your easy going and yes. i got a solid yes we are still on for next friday. it was gonna be sleep in make breakfast and prob go shoping with the kid all day. she didnt hesitate at all. also she didnt talk like she was trying to ignore me. did she want some down time, sure i bet she did. shes never said id like space. she came right out and right now with all this change i so bussy and i just want to get some of this stuff done so im not so bussy anymore. basicly i just decied while i had her on the phone now im gonna ask cuz i was concerned. she said its fine, im fine im just overwhelled with all this bussy stuff right now.

im sure she will see i cared nuff to call, i know text is easy un personal, but i know a phone call is more look im here. i told her i dont wanna loose the relatiopnshop i have with her daugher either and i miss hangin withher playing.

so there, go rip into me more but i did what i felt i needed to do. if shed want me gone all pics of me and her on FB would of been delted by now and im sure my shit be packed for me. not one word of my stuff there came up.

also told her about the number callingme about the bill past too for the phone. she like what?! i said look i dunno but i felt it was right to tell you. i said i dont tell you when or what to pay for your bills thats not my deal. i just dont know why they didnt call you number if its primany. she said shes gotten no calls and the bill came yesterday for the ohone. i noticed the number checkt changed list 4 digest . she said maybe its a scam and just dont answer anymore or let he know.

if she want me gone she wouldnt tell me to keep using the phone either would she.

do i fell better yes, am i still put out some yes. but i have to go with the flow ciz i did nothing in the relationship and her worlds changing so quick is making her sink, all i can do is tell her its ok, tell her i care maybe call every few days and talk some. asked about her day and whats new she goes uh just work so bussy uhg! i feel work is the very rute cause of this mixed with that causes less time for the kid...if the dad would help pay some for the girl the $400 shes like for daycare she wouldnt have to work as much...i belive thats the deal. single mom has to provide for the child, she has to work is gonna be almost #1, kid number to rest come net.

got my solid yes, no hesitation. that nuff to make me just know i still have a g/f but now i can be free also some. im sure in a few weeks it will calm down.

[smackie9]

Is there not a law there stating that the father has to pay some kind of support?? Here in Canada the father has to pay 10% of his income or take the child half the time (shared custody).

[oldskool83]

no here its up to the mother to push or not. from what i know he use to give her a certain about after they had broken up the 1st time for a year. after they got back together at some point he wsa laied off but they were living together again. later broke up cuz hes just does not follow thru with anything. she was not gonna ask him to pay anything at that point because he had stoped paying on the home they use to live in, it got forclosed and he moved next door with her parents. i really feel all she wants him to pay is $400 a mo for the kids childcare. i had even said even if hed give ya $50 a week ya could use it for somthing. he does not make that much a week so im not sure what she will do but i know last weekend when she talked to him she pretty much said you gotta start paying somthing for your child. the whole child support shes is over rated. shed not money hungry. he does see her 2 times a week, normaly fri night to sunday and maybe a wensday or somthing so the active role in the kids life is good right now.

hes always fixing his truck or or buying new clothing or shoes shes noticed, and thats fine but he says he has no money but can guy things. its a sticky issue cuz the parents and my g/f get along well. they baby sit the kid on weekends and things and buy her alot of things and she does not want to ruin the tie with the graparents, even though they said yes their kid is a idoit and agree with my g/f.

[smackie9]

Well I guess once this guy finally grows up she can hit him up for it then.

[oldskool83]

yeah i guess i dunno. my personal beleif if he will fade over time. weekends he could have his daugher hes been known to be away the entire weekend...like this weekend again. the constant let down of the daugher is somthing ive noticed. ive even be around him when he said he pick his daugher up from school on this day and never ever do it. ive seen 1st hand, hes just an idoit with good intentions but cant follow thru.

[smackie9]

This is a touchy subject with me. I just don't get why people don't choose to use birth control and in the event of a pregnancy don't step up to the plate and take responsability. The child is the one that suffers in to end. That stigma of rejection or neglect can turn into negative behaviour or psychological issues when they get to be an adult.

[oldskool83]

they were living together and wanted to start a family. shes on the BC again now. anyway this might be getting away from my orginaly concern here lol. whats peoples options on what i was told and we talked about last night. i dont really feel much of a concern about anything ive done. it seems like somthing outside of the relationship which is why the relationship is still there.