Guys, do you still want to sleep with other girls?

[smackie9]

The only reason for this is because there is no future for this relationship....basically in his eyes it's turning into "just for sex" relationship so that's why he put it out there. You have to step back and have a good look at your priorities here. If there is no future , why be in this relationship? A relationship cannot survive on love alone....you need goals and expectation fulfilment. All you are doing is filling in your time with him......and for what?

If I was faced with this I would end it.

[halfloved]

I am beginnng to think that he did say this to make me feel insecure. Maybe I am one of the most insecure girls who has posted in a long time but I am learning and collecting life experience. I am not offended. I appreciate. I think he feels the need to test me because of how he was so badly burned in the past. I think he does have severe emotional problems. We talked and he admitted all this to me, said he was in love with me and said he didnt want to sleep with other women. Is he lying to smooth things over? I don't think so, seems like he would rather just have me leave. While I don't feel it is okay that he has played these games or if he really did want to sleep with other women (I actually think that is ok, just dont tell your GF about it), I do genuinely love him and believe things can grow from this. The lotus grows from putrification. My old self would call it quits because the relationship did not live up to my very high ideals. When I look at it from the perspective of collecting data and gleaning insights through a relationship with others as opposed to "this is the one and only love of my life, he is only attracted to me, etc" I find myself in a much better state of mind. I may sound as if I have gone back and forth because I have! However, things around here have a much more pleasant tone. We spent the weekend alone together and all we do is laugh and love eachother, just like before when we fell in love. Im not saying that if he really crossed the line I would let myself be abused or manipulated but this guy is not an awful person, from what I can gather, he just seems emotionally damaged. I see this as an opportunity for me to become more of an allower. That doesnt mean to let myself be hurt or mistreated, it means to allow someone to be and do and feel as they will even if I don't agree with it. If he gets out of control, if he cheats on me, if he doesnt treat me good, I will most certainly have the willpower to move on. As long as the "good" really outweighs the "bad", I am still in. I have appreciated the insights here. Keep in mind here that he was really really sweet and good and loving to me before we moved in together and I literally pushed him away by being sullen, depressed and seemingly uninterested in him for three weeks. He didnt think i loved him and I think that he really got scared and had to turn this whole thing around on me and make me feel insecure the way I did to him. I don't feel like it was strategic or planned, think it was just a reaction, one that isnt very mature or kind but I forgive him. Thank you all.

[halfloved]

The only reason for this is because there is no future for this relationship....basically in his eyes it's turning into "just for sex" relationship so that's why he put it out there. You have to step back and have a good look at your priorities here. If there is no future , why be in this relationship? A relationship cannot survive on love alone....you need goals and expectation fulfilment. All you are doing is filling in your time with him......and for what?

If I was faced with this I would end it.

You are right! It cannot survive on love alone, we actually do have goals and expectations expressed that ARE getting fulfilled. IF I am filling my time with him, it is for learning. I don't think it is a just for sex relationship, he has children and I am a big part of their life, he doesnt want to continue on if we are not happy because that would be bad for the kids and It was I who was not happy because I was focusing on the things I didnt want or didnt like and like I said I pushed him away by being detached. I do see alot of this as being my fault. I don't think the background was given in this post but in another post I put up. I should have put it there bc this post makes him look like a devil. He should not of said what he did and he should not be testing me BUT I do see how alot of this is my fault and I accept responsibility for why things happend.