Trying to start a relationship

[Gigabitch]

Please list all possible causes for her unwillingness to cozy up. This situation is odd.

[TDurden]

yeah, it is really weird and its really throwing me off. i can't think of any real reasons. i'm not like a dating expert or anything but i know from past experiences that im a pretty decent date so im pretty sure im not doing anything to put her off. and for the life of me i can't figure out why she's hesitating. i just need to find a way to talk about it with her where she'll actualyl want to talk about it.

[TDurden]

i don't know how relevent this is, but i thought it might be worth mentioning. about a month ago we went to a coffee place and we spent at least five hours, probably more, just talking. we finished our drinks in less than half an hour, and didn't eat anything but we just sat there talking for hours. it certainly didn't feel like 2 friends hanging out. just seemed like a good example of the borderline dating behavior we're already involved in.

[Gigabitch]

Are you getting ready to start dating somebody else? Maybe you should. You're not gettin' anywhere with her.

[TDurden]

regardless of whether i'm getting anywhere with her or not, i still have a far better time hanging out with her then i have with any girl previously. so im not quite ready to give up on her yet.

[TDurden]

all i really need is help figuring out a way to ask her where she's at as far as dating is concerned without being completely blunt. there's a history here that i don't want to go into but suffice it to say, being blunt is no longer an option.

[Gigabitch]

Try to find a movie with a similar theme, watch it with her, and discuss.

[TDurden]

that never even crossed my mind, i'll have to try that. thank you for the advice

[Lhiz]

actually im in the same situation right now, i have a guy friend and we've been going out for 7 months. Yes, he asks me questions about having a relationship which is more than friend, but most often than not i gave him vague answer sometimes i change the topic. The bottom line is, im not really sure what i feel for him hence, i was not able to give him a direct answer. There are times that i wanted to be with him there are times which i don't, mixed emotions.

So, i suggest that if you really love her, you need to wait until such time she is prepared to make a decision.

[daiza]

my advice: ignore her for 2-3-7 days...!!!

no phone, no dating, no nothing...

[dreamer101]

TDurden mate, what you need to do is put some space between her and you. play hard to get. from the scheme of things it seems she likes you, but its unhealty for you to wait around in the friends zone while she *thinks about it*. highly likely that she will get in touch with you after a few days, and when she questions ur new behaviour you can tell her that you really like her and therefore can't continue this LIMBO relationship. Convey to her that you understand that she needs time to make up her mind and that you'll be around when she does. But you hope she doen't take too long (to make up her mind).
and there is a small chance she may not get in touch with you, then my friend, you have your answer.

[TDurden]

thanks for the advice. i've been staying out of touch for a longer stretch of time than usual and hopefully it'll work out well. last time i tried something like this she emailed me after about a week. i was worried about the friendzone thing, but my guess is you're right about being able to avoid that if i avoid frequent contact.

[TDurden]

this is something i've been thinking about and it seems like its something that should affect my strategy a bit. and this is that she goes to college in only a couple weeks. the school is only 15 minutes away so distance isn't an issue. rather it seems like (and i could be wrong here) that if there is nothing concrete with her before then then my chances with her are significantly reduced. am i wrong here? and if i'm right, what should i do, if anything, to speed things up? also, please just understand that i have no intention of just giving up and leaving things as they are. i can wait if thats what this calls for, i'm just not sure that the college thing would allow for this tactic.

[Gigabitch]

Well, let's see. You can't talk to her about it. Ignoring her is not working fast enough...

okay, I've got something. I think you should invite her out on a DATE date, not just a movie or something. Invite her out for a really nice dinner, take her dancing if you're that kind of guy. Kick it up a notch.

[daiza]

let's say the truth: she doesn't like you enough!!