Staying for the kids... and loving someone even though you don't want to be with them

[Calm]

I'm not going to be one of those people who say,"You're unhappy, just divorce him and find yourself!" or "What's wrong with you! You have everything...blah...blah...blah" first off, it doesn't change anything does it? Secondly, how you're feeling is completely normal! Everyone at some point feels this way and you're situation is NO different. The reason people these days get divorce is because, the bottom line, we give up. We have a mindset of "oh, if it's not working, drop it and get a new one" instead of,"'oh, something isn't right, lets fix this". People forget marriage is NOT easy, it's NOT happily ever after and it's NOT always exciting...most importantly its not always your spouses fault OR your spouses responsibility to save you. Maybe there is something within yourself that is throwing you off, I don't know. There can be multiple reasons you feel the way you do and unless you can find within yourself what those reasons are it's only going to happen again, regardless who you're with. I just said earlier it's not your spouses responsibility to save you but they do have a very important job in your relationship-to listen and to fight for you. Don't deny your husband the chance to fight for you by not letting him know how you feel. Now let me warn you, he's not going to like what you have to say and he may become defensive and lash out. Just let him know that you greatly care about him and you WANT to be in love with him because he IS a wonderful person. And there is obviously something within yourself you need to sort out to get there and you need him now more then ever to be a your husband to help find what it is. Tell him you're not planing on abandoning him and that's why you WANT to talk about it so you can fall in love with the wonderful man that he is because that's what he deserves. Then give him time to calm down before you start talking about solutions. Warning...make sure he's calm because HIS 'solution' may be to just go ahead with the divorce. Don't except that as an answer, just wait for things to smooth over before having a real discussion.

Now what are you looking for within yourself? Well, have you ever considered depression? Before you start dismissing the idea and say, "I'm feeling fine!" It's not always so obvious as feeling sad and crying all the time. Sometimes it's just feeling nothing at all or numb and distant from things you use to enjoy. Or maybe it's something as simple as you allowed YOURSELF to get boring. There is something I like to say, "The most exciting man can find enjoyment in the most boring situations". Maybe you just need to break out of the mold and do something exciting and daring! You're a young wife and mother. You hit all those big life milestones very early in life...which by the way everyone there is nothing wrong with that, but it does tend to make you feel like...hey, what's next? What do I have to look forward to now? I'll tell you what--a world of opportunities! And you can face those fears and adventures WITH a loving caring husband by your side and fall in love all over again, and again, and again. Don't be like everyone else. Obviously you're NOT lazy because you are putting an effort by finding a solution now. So don't do the lazy thing everyone tends to fall into by just throw out the old and buy a new one...fix it. You'll be happy and feel good about yourself that you did.

Thanks so much for your reply. It makes a lot of sense to me and really made me think about things.

He does know how I feel and he wants us to fight for our marriage - as do I, he's prepared to do and try anything and he really believes we can work things out - which in turn makes me believe it more too.

I think it's hard because I moved out of my Mum's into a house with him with our 6 week old baby so we never got to live just as us and we were thrown into married and family life all in one go.

I also think the depression thing is true. I had/have PND with both my kiddies and I feel as though I still have it a little (if it counts as that now). I tried meds a few years ago but hated the robotic feel they gave me so I decided to go it 'alone' without any medical help. I manage ok most of the time

Thanks for the different perspectives. I know a marriage takes work and I hope that we can make it work.

[HeartIsAching]

This is gonna be more blunt and possibly offensive information for you, but here goes:

Part of the problem is obvious to me - you don't communicate with him. If you don't tell him, you cannot expect him to KNOW that something is wrong. That's romance-novel bullshit. If he's the man you describe, I guarantee that if you TELL him that you're bored and unhappy, and you want to spice up your life with him, he'll brainstorm with you on ways to change things up. If you don't, he'll remain blissfully unaware until you spring it on him that you're leaving, and he'll be completely baffled.

I can't stress this enough - YOU MUST COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR SPOUSE.