I think I want to "turn it off". But how?

[michelle23]

You have low self-esteem and insecurity issues. Girls are not attracted to that coz men like that always think the grass is greener no matter how good they have it.

Work on boosting your confidence.

You are not doomed bcoz of your family. Your responsible for your own behaviour and you have choices how you want to be

[meloveulongtime]

Maybe you've been chasing the wrong girls your whole life. Try dating someone, different to experience the different types of live out there. Open urself to be loved, feel loved, and you will one day, be in love.

[dem862]

The best way I have found to stop wanting a woman, is to get one.

[basilandthyme]

Indestructible, you see "sarcastic sense of humour" as a positive asset??? I suspect it's a reason that you're having no success with girls.

Sarcasm is an unpleasant trait - and generally belies a negative personality.

[basilandthyme]

Stupid? Geez, why so harsh?

With all due respect, this isn't the first time you've started this topic. If our advice doesn't help the first time, why do you keep rehashing the same idea?

[srami83]

Do girls approach you and want to date? Or are you just selective about who you want to date? You can't just turn something off. Focus your energy on something else....like yourself...work on your physical appearance (work out) or learn something new. Go to/back to school, travel the world....figure out what you want and what this life has to offer

[Valixy]

Love is what holds the Universe together...Your time will come, Indestructible!


Here are some random thoughts inspired by your post...


Being on your own is not so bad in compare with people that are in terrible relationships. So cheer up a little bit!

I remember girls that in high school were dolls with sweet funny personalities and used to get more attention from guys that they needed and other girls that were not considered THE attractive type in terms of appearance or personality. Sometimes when you meet them again at 30, many of the doll girls seem to have lost something over the years while many of the others seem to radiate fresh beauty. Or guys that in their twenties had to struggle to find a girl and when they are in their forties they have so much personal appeal combined with favourable life circumstances that girls simply line up for them. Or girls and boys that blamed their serious and deep personalities for many years, only to discover after 30 that they were suddenly and unexpectedly one the most favoured types of all. Sometimes a simple change of environment may result very positive in relation with the opposite sex, like in the case of a Swedish girl I know that for whatever reasons didn't feel that she received enough attention in her home country but her beautiful blue eyes and blond hair never fail to catch the eye in Spain. For some people the attractiveness of their persona is not a given but it makes part of a process of growing and self-discovery and this makes them much more interesting in my opinion because when they come in contact with it, they find it together with their personal power.

Then relationships are so varied, some people find their right one in their twenties, many only think they did, others spend many years on their own and when they least expect it, the chance of unforgettable romances comes to them.

Your path is unique and so it should be. Love will come and whenever that will be, you'll understand that it was at the right time for you. Trying to simply shut down your desire for love won't work. You say that you are not inclined towards spirituality, so you wouldn't follow Buddha's steps towards detachment, I suppose, but working towards becoming an unemotional person. Why would you want to lose your personal gifts that come with your romantic personality, I wonder? I'm pretty sure that's where part of your personal magnetism is, by the way. What I think you can do to alleviate your pain that comes from not having a partner at this time of your life is to direct your love towards yourself, people and aspects of life, become passionate and creative or simply useful and interested. You'll find new strength this way, you'll feel connected and inevitably attract the one you for you

P.S. Also love can be such an overrated emotion...So many great people would have never created what they did if they had been fully centred on personal love and finding a partner...

[Indestructible]

Indestructible, you see "sarcastic sense of humour" as a positive asset??? I suspect it's a reason that you're having no success with girls.

Sarcasm is an unpleasant trait - and generally belies a negative personality.

It's just my sense of humor. I'm not a mean-spirited person, and I'm not attracted to people who are mean-spirited. Sarcasm doesn't equate to being unpleasant, negative, or bad. It's just a style of humor. I have a fairly dry, witty, sarcastic sense of humor, yes. I'd like a girl with the same sense of humor. I want to be able to tease and joke around with a girl, and have her do the same to me. I had that with the last girl I liked; we had the exact same sense of humor, and it was awesome.

Do girls approach you and want to date? Or are you just selective about who you want to date?

No, to my knowledge, a girl has never expressed interest in me that way. I just have a hard time making that connection with girls. I have no problems being friendly towards girls, but for 99% of the ones I meet and know, I just never think "I'd like to go on a date with her", nor do they seem to express any "romantic" interest in me. I guess I'm "selective" on some level, but it's not like I have a list I go through, saying "She has to have this, and she has to look like that, etc.". I just want to date someone I get along with extraordinarily well, and it just seems like I rarely hit it off with girls that way.

You can't just turn something off. Focus your energy on something else.

I've been trying to, but everywhere I look, I see something that reminds me. I go places and I see couples together. I talk to friends and acquaintances and hear about their dating lives. It seems like I can't watch a TV show, movie, play a video game, read a book, or indulge in any work of fiction that doesn't contain some kind of romantic subplot, or at least, material related to dating, relationships, sex, love, etc.

[michelle23]

There is nothing wrong with how he looks i bet-hes just insecure. OP post a pic and ill give you an honest opinion.

[michelle23]

I have the same sarcastic sense of humor and noone gets offended by it. Its witty-not bitchy.

My bf loves it and it always makes him laugh

[bcgirl]

You state that your parents and most ppl around you have bad marriages. Your mom constantly cheats on your dad. They say that ppl often get married to personalities of their parents (good and bad ones) because on a subconscious level that is what we feel comfortable with and therefore it appeals to us. You don't want a girl like your mother and perhaps you are looking in the wrong places for the wrong type of girls this whole time. Girls that may use you (like your mother uses your dad) and will go off to other men once opportunity presents itself. Do you find that you always seem to be the friend but never the boyfriend? It ain't a coincidence. Those girls that you aren't attracted to are probably the ones you should be going for.

[basilandthyme]

I have the same sarcastic sense of humor and noone gets offended by it. Its witty-not bitchy.

I'm still struggling with he idea of sarcasm being not unpleasant. I even Googled it to see if there was something I'm missing. But all I got was a stack of negative descriptions such as:

Adjective
Marked by or given to using irony in order to mock or convey contempt.

Synonyms
mordant - biting - cutting - acrimonious - snide

Edited to add another description I found: In sarcasm, ridicule or mockery is used harshly, often crudely and contemptuously, for destructive purposes.

I'm really failing to see sarcastic sense of humour as a positive

[michelle23]

Its just slagging, banter. I suppose it prob depends on the tone of voice, facial expressions, body language. Im only this way around people im close to coz they no its all in good fun and are the same back. Id say it with a cheecky smile or a wink.

Its just a witty sense of humor-no malice meant.

My bf brother says being around us is like watching a soap opera and v entertaining. We slag each other to death and laugh a lot-but never get offended

[Indestructible]

There is nothing wrong with how he looks i bet-hes just insecure. OP post a pic and ill give you an honest opinion.

Eh. I mean, I'll post a pic, but people have asked me to do that before, and everyone just tells me I'm okay and not to worry about my looks. Of course, no one is going to actually say "You're ugly and unattractive" because, well, that's just not a very pleasant thing to have to tell someone. Anyway, here's the pic:

http://ak2.okccdn.com/php/load_okc_image.php/images/16/150x150/558x800/18x11/360x353/0/11970030091943609149.jpeg

Keep in mind, though, there are also other physical factors working against me. In particular, I'm only, like, 5'1". I'm not particularly hung up on that (it's not like I pursue girls that tower over me in height), but I do know it's a major turn off to girls, and even a lot of shorter girls prefer taller guys.

You state that your parents and most ppl around you have bad marriages. Your mom constantly cheats on your dad. They say that ppl often get married to personalities of their parents (good and bad ones) because on a subconscious level that is what we feel comfortable with and therefore it appeals to us. You don't want a girl like your mother and perhaps you are looking in the wrong places for the wrong type of girls this whole time. Girls that may use you (like your mother uses your dad) and will go off to other men once opportunity presents itself. Do you find that you always seem to be the friend but never the boyfriend? It ain't a coincidence. Those girls that you aren't attracted to are probably the ones you should be going for.

I dunno. I mean, of the handful of girls I've been attracted to, none of them really reminded me of my mom in any way. Honestly, I don't really get along well with my mom, and while I don't tell her this outwardly, a lot of her personality traits annoy me. And since I'm so personality-driven when it comes to looking for girls, I don't think I've ever found myself attracted to anyone that is very similar to my mom.

I'm still struggling with he idea of sarcasm being not unpleasant. I even Googled it to see if there was something I'm missing. But all I got was a stack of negative descriptions such as:

Adjective
Marked by or given to using irony in order to mock or convey contempt.

Synonyms
mordant - biting - cutting - acrimonious - snide

Edited to add another description I found: In sarcasm, ridicule or mockery is used harshly, often crudely and contemptuously, for destructive purposes.

I'm really failing to see sarcastic sense of humour as a positive

It's just a style of humor, that's all. Just because the definitions may say so, it doesn't mean sarcasm is this mean, crude, hate-filled thing. Heck, I use sarcasm to make fun of myself a lot, too. Admittedly, I do "hold back" a lot, because I'm always concerned that I will unintentionally offend someone; actually, that's one of the reasons I liked this last girl so much, because I didn't feel like I had to "hold back" on my personality at all. I could just be me, and she understood me and my personality, and more than that, she reflected it.

So, I think that's probably the thing I'm really looking for in a person, someone I feel like I don't have to "hold back" my personality around. With the vast majority of people, I hold back a lot, and I "put it on" a bit more, I try to be friendly to everyone, and I try to be as inoffensive and as low key as I can, so as to not "rock the boat" with anyone ever. It's such a relief to be able to find someone that I don't have to "hold myself back" and "put on a show" for. But, I rarely ever find that, and as we've been through many times, on the rare occasions I do find that, they're never interested in anything more than friendship.

[michelle23]

Maybe your definition of sarcasm b&t is different to mine. My sister, a few of my cousins, my dad, aunt, uncle and a few other people I know have the same sarcastic wit im talking about. That is probably where I get it from. But we all laugh a lot together and have a lot of fun. Its really not a bad thing at all.

I dont think there is anything wrong with how you look OP. Maybe just get rid of the facial hair lol I hate that and let your hair grow a tiny but longer and put some gel in it.
I understand why the height thing is an issue for you but it wont be if you have some confidence.