Depressing Situation

[corinthian]

Unfortunately, I'm really not that kind of person. I think I'm going to follow through with the note, but I'm going to wait until Sunday night.

I'm sticking with the note primarily for the reason that she deserves to A) Have a say in it and B) She would NOT appreciate being advanced upon while drunk.

And another thing, if you are determined to send her a note, you are absolutely ****ing out of your mind if you think that Sunday night is the most propitious time for this. Frankly, there isn't a good time but that is definitely the worst possible time.

I'm begging you here, don't **** this one up, you have been through too much pain and this will stay with you for a hell of a long time.

Let me ask you this. Suppose she is actually interested in being with you. Then one of the following two things happen:

1. You give her a really great night out, take her off somewhere really nice and romantic, and try to kiss her.

2. You send her a ****ing note.

Under which of these two scenarios do you think she is more likely to return your feelings?

[Giggity]

I don't think people should express those feelings for the first time through letters, emails, phone, etc (unless there is no other way). I think you should just step up and tell her in person, especially considering how close the two of you seem.

Although things seem like they are going good for you...you never know what is going on in some people's head. So hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst.

Good luck...I'll be rooting for you!

[Groen]

A lot of insightful stuff here. Thanks guys.

First off, believe me I understand that notes are EXTREMELY lame.

Everyone is back home for a weekend before exams, I've seen her every day and I've definitely noticed that we aren't as close. She's an affectionate person to her closer friends which is the main reason I'm hesitant to try anything, and what's worse is that she ran in to her ex's family. I could visually tell she was extremely upset by this meeting. It's pretty clear to me she hasn't had enough time to heal.

I wanted to give her this note face to face at the end of the drive back to school tomorrow. In 250 words I simply state my feelings, and my understanding of the difficult time she is experiencing.

I explicitly say that I want to talk to her about it in person after she has read it.

It's not like I beat around the bush for 1500 words with confessions of my undying love or anything. I simply want her to understand the situation sufficiently before I talk with her. That way we can both be on the same level when we do discuss it.

At any rate, the main reason for me waiting so long to talk to her was to ensure that this visit back home went as smoothly as possible. I didn't want to subject her to another piece of confusing information when she is already pretty emotionally shot while being back home. I'm going to get these thoughts off of my chest one way or another this week. I can't take this crap anymore.

[corinthian]

I'm going to get these thoughts off of my chest one way or another this week. I can't take this crap anymore.

Sounds like you are pretty much resigned to her saying No. Your problem is you are way too nice. Anyway, one good thing is that, after you've had it out with her, at least you will be able to get on with the rest of your life.

[Groen]

Believe me, I am aware that I'm far too much of a nice guy.

As for resigning myself to her saying No.. I am going in to this as positive as I can be. I know that if I'm going to appear as a sniveling baby that I can kiss my chances good bye. I know that I'm acting rather defeatist about it, but I'd rather go in with the best intentions and understand the possible pain I might go through rather than do it expecting to be welcomed right in and instead be shot down.

[Gigabitch]

Defeatist = unattractive. Apparently, you haven't heard that "confidence is the world's best cologne".

[Groen]

Well, she has the note. Only time will tell.

[corinthian]

Well, she has the note. Only time will tell.

Fingers crossed for you, man. Don't forget to tell us what happens!

[Groen]

Just another quasi-update.

She texted me this afternoon before she left for work. It said that she read the letter, and that we'll talk tonight. I feel confident and relaxed which is a good sign.

[Groen]

Alright, this is how it went.

I got to have a rather impromptu chat with her late last night. I was still pretty high, and so was she. We were walking back from the beach with some friends, and we both began drifting back from the group of people. I got to talk with her alone for 5-10 minutes, but we were both baked so talking was pretty low key and not a lot got said. I sent her a text after we parted ways, and I asked if we could continue today since I didn't really get a chance to say anything.

We met around noon today with the idea to go for a walk. We made some small talk before I felt ready to start. I simply said that I knew she was in a really difficult place right now. I told her that I felt compassion for her troubles, and that she deserved so much more than what she had been given. She walked quietly beside me, and only added a few comments in during my turn.

Once I finished she said it was good that I'd gotten my thoughts off my chest, and that she'd had an idea that I'd been feeling this way.

She then went on to say that she was at a point in her life where thinking of herself had to be her first priority. She also said she wasn't sure how to respond to my feelings. I simply said that I understood she was still healing, and that things will come together as time passes. She agreed.

One interesting thing I thought I would add.. I found out today that her ex had recently given her an ultimatum. He said he was giving her until the 15th to figure out their current situation or it was over (his words, not hers). I was shocked because it made me realize that they were obviously trying to figure out things still. However, she said that she had no intentions of taking him back and that she never wanted to see him again.

This all brought things in to perspective for me. There is clearly some sort of reciprocation of feelings between us, but I had thought that she'd fully broken it off with him.. She had made it seem that way until this afternoon, but as I said as far as she is concerned it is over (He's changed too much, he was a bad boyfriend and tried to control her).

After walking for a bit, we came across a bench and sat there for a good while. We talked about our families, we talked about the difficult month that she had been going through, and we talked about the recent progress she'd made in healing herself after the relationship issues.

I spent the rest of today from about 2 pm until midnight hanging out with her, some of her other girlfriends came out soon after we came back from the walk. Things aren't awkward between us which is nice, if I ever find our eyes meeting I hold the visual contact and give her a smile.

I think I will need to be patient in this situation. I feel that there is something there, otherwise she would probably be acting differently.

Anyone have thoughts on this? Am I barking up the wrong tree?

I feel some relief getting it off my shoulders now which feels great.

[corinthian]

Anyone have thoughts on this? Am I barking up the wrong tree?

I feel some relief getting it off my shoulders now which feels great.

She sounds so sweet - just like you! It's great that you can talk about this with her so openly.

The concern I would have is that this feeling of relief that you are experiencing could quickly vanish, unless fairly rapid progress is made in consummating this relationship. The fact that you love her and also get along so well is going to start to get pretty frustrating for you if she is not giving you anything back except friendship. Right now it's cool, because you've got it out there and there is this sense of anticipation and that anything is possible. If, however, nothing much is possible then that is the death of hope and you will feel miserable.

When you look into her eyes and smile at her, what are you getting back? What sort of smile are you giving her, the "I genuinely want the best for you" smile, or the "Look, I've told you now and it's all pretty exciting, let's make out" kind of smile?

She is obviously a very nice girl so will be wary of flat out turning you down, especially as you are friends and this will be the end of that, or at least the end of the intense phase that you have had up until now. Therefore, you need to keep in check the idea that her failure to be categorical means that you actually have a chance.

It's about chemistry and sex now, which is horrible and we all wish the World was a better place, but that is life.

[Groen]

Yes, I totally understand that my relief could turn in to frustration. I will bring it up again with her sometime soon when I feel the time is right.

I'm considering being completely up front with my intentions and simply asking if she could ever see us in a relationship.

She is going to one of our friend's cabins Friday night with a group of people to stay over for the night and relax. I was invited but am unable to attend due to exams.

Hopefully I will get to spend time with her one on one today.

My main question at this point is if waiting is my best course of action. As I said in my last post, the wounds of the relationship are a LOT more recent than I'd originally thought.

Can anything come of this? I'm going to re read my last entry closer and see if I'm not picking up on something.

[Gigabitch]

Maybe you should just try and get her drunk and take advantage of her when her resistance is low. You can then sweep up afterwards.

Unfortunately, I'm really not that kind of person.

It's about chemistry and sex now, which is horrible and we all wish the World was a better place, but that is life.

Jeeze, what is wrong with you two Puritans? Do you actually think that having sex with someone defiles them and disrespects them? What is wrong with chemistry?

[corinthian]

Just wondering how things have been going.