BF ego problem after we wrestled

[Michael6084]

i bet he's thinking: "damn it's going to be harder in bed now"

i think it was great though lol. what you did was fine! don't second-guess yourself. a person can't grow unless they realize they aren't all-powerful. he asked for it anyway, with the laughing and doubting it, so he got what he deserved, simply put.

[GrkScorp]

i bet he's thinking: "damn it's going to be harder in bed now".

speaking of which.. it's amazing nobody thought of the classic way to boost up his ego.. COMMON PEOPLE!!!

during sex..

"Oh! Outch! Not so fast! Go Slow! Not all the way in! It's too big.. Oh! Oh! Ah!.. it's hurting! you should go into porn with that thing.."

I know what you're thinking.. "i'd be insulting his intelligence if I tried to pull something like that on him"... hahaha I "lol" in your face.. the truth of the matter is that the guy you're talking about is having an ego-breakdown because you took judo and know some moves he doesn't.. I mean.. all he needs to do is take 10mins from his day, find an Aikido video on youtube.. and slam you down or throw you across the room.. But he doesn't.. which gives me a pretty clear picture of what kind of guy we're dealing with.. (hint: someone which this classic trick would work on).. so just do it.. and the rest is history..

Plus.. HELLO! tap into his male psyche... don't say something like.. (let's take classes together).. because he's probably thinking "I don't want to be taking classes with her; she's a yellow belt, already better than me.. i'll feel more crappy than I feel now".. Instead.. let HIM reach the conclusion.. try something like..

"So-and-so was telling me to take (insert useful martial art here) at this place (name of place).. but I told her she's crazy.. that's too intensive for me.. my body isn't cut out for that.. it's mostly guys there anyway..".... there're two things comming into play here.. I hope you can see them..

1. You're not taking it, and neither are other women.. so he'll feel no reservations of inhibitions about wanting to take it..

2. You have called yourself "unworthy" or "unable" to take them.. while suggesting implicitly that HE can, because he's not a female.. so this will naturally motivate him to take it.. since he now wants to get out of that feeling of uselessness and inferiority..

in either case.. sounds to me like all he needs is some good ego stroking.. and by ego stroking.. I mean flat-out lying about his sexual preformance and the size of his penis.. if you know what I mean.. (I only suggest this.. because he sounds like the type of guy who would most likely fall for it.. I mean.. don't use it if he wouldn't fall for it..)

but in either case.. use the sly indirect comment about your friend telling you about this other marial arts place.. throw it out there casually.. don't go too into it.. just let it sit.. it would even be better if you're talking to one of your friends on the phone.. where you're sure he can hear you.. and you happen to mention it just loudly enough so you're sure he can hear you.. and go on about how YOU can't do that.. it's too much for a WOMAN to do.. seriously.. the very next day he should be all signed up.. lol

[DarkDwarf]

HAHAHAHAHAHA... HAHAHA...

HAHAHA...

HA...

Alright, I'm done...

HA!

Well, I don't really know why guys have such a big ego problem with that. I guess it has to do with being the guy in the relationship. Just remind him that he is in fact... the guy. Cuddle/Spoon with him with you in the feminine position (if you understand what I mean)... it should help him regain his masculinity, but no, of course, don't purposefully loose to him.

Though he should be proud of you and he should stop being a douche.

[GrkScorp]

Though he should be proud of you and he should stop being a douche.

what he SHOULD be.. and what he ACTUALLY is.. are two different things..

[DarkDwarf]

Good point, though beside my advice. Scorp is right on the whole douche matter, you can't force him to be something he's not.

[EmoBlackBelt]

Your boyfriend is a ****ing douchebag. Has he never seen a sitcom in his life? They all use this plot in at least one episode. He wasn't encouraging in the beginning, and he was bitter in the end. Leave his ass. If a guy wants to be able to kick your ass, there is something wrong with him. Maybe as a martial artist I just don't understand, because I fight girls in the ring all the time. I han heelkick a girl in the eye, and she'll say "good job" and then she'll do the same to me. Makes no difference whatsoever. Being that angry and arrogant about his own skewed idea of gender rolls is ridiculous. Never date someone with an alpha-male mindset, if they can't back it up. That just makes them a whiny ass. You need to be with someone who will think of you as an equal, and treat you as such. Someone like this guy is just going to beat you later on. That's my two cents.

[jenster]

Thanks everyone for your suggestions.

i guess I just can't believe it got so out of hand, but i NEVER expected him to be SO upset that he lost to a girl.

I think part of the problem is after the first match I did laugh at him a little, only b/c I thought he would find the situation kind of funny (like Emo said, kinda like a sitcom), but NOW i feel bad I did that b/c maybe that got him really crazy and made him insist on a rematch.

But after i beat him the 2nd time i made sure not to make light of it, and said "OK, let's just leave it there" but he hasn't let it go. (We haven't wrestled since--i keep refusing his challenges).

Also, I thought MAYBE he would at least think it kind of sexy to be pinned by a hot girl, but he was so during and after our matches that sex was the last thing on his mind (and since i was so annoyed at his attitude, i wasn't turned on either).

I think maybe letting him win is the only way out. I know a lot of you are probably wondering why i dont just dump him but the fact is that he was NEVER like this b4 we wrestled. He showed no signs of being a chauvanistic jerk at all. Is this his true nature?

[Michael6084]

Thanks everyone for your suggestions.

i guess I just can't believe it got so out of hand, but i NEVER expected him to be SO upset that he lost to a girl.

I think part of the problem is after the first match I did laugh at him a little, only b/c I thought he would find the situation kind of funny (like Emo said, kinda like a sitcom), but NOW i feel bad I did that b/c maybe that got him really crazy and made him insist on a rematch.

But after i beat him the 2nd time i made sure not to make light of it, and said "OK, let's just leave it there" but he hasn't let it go. (We haven't wrestled since--i keep refusing his challenges).

Also, I thought MAYBE he would at least think it kind of sexy to be pinned by a hot girl, but he was so during and after our matches that sex was the last thing on his mind (and since i was so annoyed at his attitude, i wasn't turned on either).

I think maybe letting him win is the only way out. I know a lot of you are probably wondering why i dont just dump him but the fact is that he was NEVER like this b4 we wrestled. He showed no signs of being a chauvanistic jerk at all. Is this his true nature?

i find it funny. he should just not be hurt by it so much. i guess it hurts him in the sense that the traditional thing is that the guy is supposed to protect the girl, and he cant beat his girl.

i don't think it's his "true nature". there are bad flaws of everyone. you just found one of his. he can't take that he lost to a girl and this is quite common among guys, yet to the degree he may be taking it could be overdone though i haven't seen him first-hand.

what i suggest doing is just letting him run his course and don't try to rub it in. whenever he challenges, just do what you've been doing. eventually he'll be like "ok...you win...". he doesn't seem to bad of a person, just a flaw he's got that he has to get over.

[jenster]

Thanks, Michael...I just hope you're right.

Jenster

[DoesntMatter]

LOL that's hilarious. I'm glad I wasn't the only one who thought that was funny

Your boyfriend should be excited because it sounds like you can have some pretty rough and wild sex. See, there's a positive to everything

[EmoBlackBelt]

Ok, how old are both of you, and are you sexually active with each other? This can make a big difference on how he feels, and how you should go about fixing the situation, should you choose to do so.

[vashti]

I don't think it is a good idea to demean yourself to feed his ego. You will forever have to belittle your own abilities and talents to give him an artificial sense of self-esteem, and I'm pretty sure not many people are dumb enough to fall for it over the long run. He needs to earn his own respect by excelling at something of his own, and you should encourage him to do that. You should be humble about your abilities and never tease him, but don't pretend you can't do something just because you are a woman. His insecurities are ultimately HIS problem. Don't make them yours.

[miSSleepy]

I mean.. all he needs to do is take 10mins from his day, find an Aikido video on youtube.. and slam you down or throw you across the room..

you're kidding, right?

Plus.. HELLO! tap into his male psyche... don't say something like.. (let's take classes together).. because he's probably thinking "I don't want to be taking classes with her; she's a yellow belt, already better than me.. i'll feel more crappy than I feel now".. Instead.. let HIM reach the conclusion.. try something like..

"So-and-so was telling me to take (insert useful martial art here) at this place (name of place).. but I told her she's crazy.. that's too intensive for me.. my body isn't cut out for that.. it's mostly guys there anyway..".... there're two things comming into play here.. I hope you can see them..

1. You're not taking it, and neither are other women.. so he'll feel no reservations of inhibitions about wanting to take it..

2. You have called yourself "unworthy" or "unable" to take them.. while suggesting implicitly that HE can, because he's not a female.. so this will naturally motivate him to take it.. since he now wants to get out of that feeling of uselessness and inferiority..

in either case.. sounds to me like all he needs is some good ego stroking.. and by ego stroking.. I mean flat-out lying about his sexual preformance and the size of his penis.. if you know what I mean.. (I only suggest this.. because he sounds like the type of guy who would most likely fall for it.. I mean.. don't use it if he wouldn't fall for it..)

but in either case.. use the sly indirect comment about your friend telling you about this other marial arts place.. throw it out there casually.. don't go too into it.. just let it sit.. it would even be better if you're talking to one of your friends on the phone.. where you're sure he can hear you.. and you happen to mention it just loudly enough so you're sure he can hear you.. and go on about how YOU can't do that.. it's too much for a WOMAN to do.. seriously.. the very next day he should be all signed up.. lol

but isn't the whole problem his ego? Wouldn't that just be feeding and justifying his ego? Why would she need to demean herself to please her BF?

[Tiay]

hahah! That's cool. Yay you for getting your yellow belt, btw.

I tried going to karate classes once- but, I could NOT for the life of me remember the more complex moves. that is, three steps this way, punch, turn left, two steps forward, etc etc... otherwise, I would so LOVE to do martial arts. My semi-ex did taekwondo, he's really good at it, too. wish I could do that. My bf got a blackbelt in his childhood, too. Man he's buff...

*snaps out of daydream..*
anyway, yeah, I agree, don't loose on purpose. But you could, when you're snuggling in his arms or something, tell him that he makes you feel safe; or whatever, just to kinda reassure him that his manliness is needed.

[GrkScorp]

when you're snuggling in his arms or something, tell him that he makes you feel safe; or whatever, just to kinda reassure him that his manliness is needed.

I dunno.. but if someone tells me "i'm really in the mood".. that's reassuring that my manliness is well-needed..