Ex calls after 4 months no contact and 10 months apart-what now?

[cmacattack1]

Take him off your buddy list. Until that feeling dies down for a bit.

[lhn]

Your plan right now is to ignore him and to eat the pain. You have got to not contact him. You can see him online, he can see you online. Its no different for him. Eventually he will contact you.

[Gigabitch]

Step away from the hurtful boy.

[shheadz]

I was going to agree with davidtorres, that men wont give a woman the time of day unless they're interested. What they're interested in is a different matter. Relationship? Friendship? Sex? Could be anything. That was until you mentioned his lack of confidence. Now it sound like he's using you as an ego boost. He knows that a single text message from him has you spinning on your heels, and texting him back three times as much. That's certainly going to make him feel good about himself.

I've never been in a situation like yours. I think what I would do though is act like we just met, and were dating for the first time. It be like hitting the reset button on us. I'd just play it cool. Start flirting a bit, playing hard to get, trying to be fun and make her laugh, and go on some innocent dates. I wouldn't put any pressure on her to be in a relationship, or pour my heart out to her. I wouldn't hang on her every text/call. That's not something I would do with a girl I just met, and I would be treating the situation like we just started dating. And just like dating someone for the first time, it gives you a chance to assess the person, and decide if you see any kind of future together.

[sunflwr23]

yeah i am concerned too about his confidence being the reason he contacted me and i don't want that to be the reason he comes back ya know? if he thinks i am a sure fire thing (even though i am out of his league to begin with and he and everyone else knows that) He had been moving up a bit and improving and hanging around with new people though.

Anyways- he contacted me before all this confidence stuff really showed to be an issue. SO he'd already been in contact with me through the phone call and text and then weeks later all the confidence stuff blew up. So maybe I was an ego boost but at least it didn't work I guess. I don't want him to feel bad or be down. It broke my heart when I heard he was down on himself. But when he broke up with me he was overly confident. He wasn't ever like that before. He was confident but not pompously so.

When we first started dating I contacted him quite a bit too. He pursued me way more but we were both really into it from the start. I am not sure what to do.

[sunflwr23]

he contacted me to wish me a merry christmas. Is it possible this is just because he wants to be friends or is it a sign he is thinking about me and may want more? I did respond but just left it at that. I am not sure if I should continue communication. I really don't want to get my hopes up but it's hard not to.

[IndiReloaded]

if he thinks i am a sure fire thing (even though i am out of his league to begin with and he and everyone else knows that)

LOL. No you aren't. You are posting your angst about this guy on a random internet site. I bet he's not doing this about you.

If it makes you feel better to think you are 'out of his league' (whatever that means) then maybe you should start acting like it? Otherwise, its a rather pointless exercise. Or, admit to yourself you are hungup on this guy and 'league' has nothing to do with it. Its just a defense mechanism, I know, but its the wrong one to focus on, IMO.

[sunflwr23]

I was just saying he should have felt lucky to date me in the first place but I fell really hard for him! And now I can't get over him. But it's one of those things where no one thought I would like him and I get told all the time I was out of his league. It doesn't change how much I love him! He should have felt lucky to have me!! I love him though. I am more concerned with what his contacting me especially contacting me to wish me a merry christmas means. All of his other ex-girlfriends he is civil when he sees them but doesn't go out of his way as far as I know to contact him. Yet he has been contacting me still 10 months later. Any thoughts?

[s_b]

Oh sunflower - I've had a quick read of your threads from the beginning. Your emotions are all over the place baby - you're there for the taking and I think everyone reading your posts on this forum can see this so plainly, but more importantly and I reckon your ex does too.

The problem is that in your time "apart", you've not dampened your emotions but simply let them control you and you've become fixated that your ex is the answer to your heartache. Has anything really changed in the last 10 months (from both sides?) - have you grown, learnt anything new about yourself, what you want, need...like?

All I can say is what happens if you get back together and he dumps you again? Would you say you'd be in a stronger position to deal with it than you were 10 months back?

[IndiReloaded]

Reply: Things are great, thx for the msg. Merry xmas back at ya!

See what pings. How long were you together for, sorry if I missed that part.

[sunflwr23]

I know my emotions have been ALL over the place and these past months have been really hectic for me. I moved to a new place where I knew NO ONE and had to start over. Starting graduate school and thinking about my future. All of my roommates getting engaged and brutally planning weddings around me and obsessing over weddings. I know I don't want to be the girl who gets married at 23 but I do want to find love and have kids. I have changed in that I CAN think for myself now and I don't feel pressured to get married immediately like I did before or obsess over that. I also had no life outside of my ex at least at school cause I was trying to distance myself from my old friends I had gradually grown apart from. Now I have a life of my own and I have more respect. But I just can't get him off my mind. I just want to improve so if he comes back we can have a better relationship or if I do meet someone knew we won't face the same problem. I just am so confused why he is contacting me and especially thinking about me on Christmas. We were together for a year. I do believe I was his greatest love and he had been my greatest love. I feel like even though we've broken up and he has dated someone else he still can't forget me.

[sunflwr23]

I am curious if the text was actually intended for me or what if it was for another person with my same name? Why is this throwing me for a loop so much!?!?

[cmacattack1]

In my opinion I honestly feel like you have some insecurity and issues in your self worth. You keep mentioning that you are out of his league and that people tell you that all the time? If you really believe it, would you be constantly talking about it and trying to prove it to others? I don't think so. Take a look at this time for improvement, I saw you had a list of things that you have learned and improved from this relationship and that's good. Seeing your ex and yourself for things that you have done wrong in the relationship is good too if you honestly learned a lesson from this.

Remember that you do not need him to be happy. You don't. I don't think you have accepted this yet. There is a big difference between need and want, and for everybody you should WANT to be in a relationship with them because they make you happy. Needing them to be your other half is ridiculous because it sets you up for dependency on another and cushioning you from your own shortcomings and faults. That's why you are so all over the place emotionwise because you feel like without him you are weaker. I think you need to be on your own for a while so you can build up your independance.

As for the text on Christmas, as tempting as it is, please please please don't read into it anymore than it is. I remember my ex girlfriend called me about something she didn't need to call me about and sounded really upset. Naturally I was concerned and I read into it, and a week later I texted her to see how she was doing and it lead to a talk about my feelings and all that. Guess what happened? Got thrown under the bus as she bragged about how awesome her new boyfriend was and how everything was my fault.

Point of the story: Take it at face value. Take it as he wanted to just wish you a Merry Christmas or whatever. If he has more things to say, he will say them at some point. If he cannot be honest with his feelings you cannot have a relationship with him anyway. You don't want to get back together, you would want to start a new relationship. You are doing all this improving for you, not for him and don't try and delude yourself to think otherwise. It's typical that to be on the receiving end of a dump to try and figure out what went wrong and how you can be a better person, while the dumper feels like they are right, they won, and more than likely haven't changed a bit.

Even a slight bit of contact is really messing you up now, if he keeps doing it I would suggest that you tell him he shouldn't and that you need some space.

[sunflwr23]

We were in contact again. I said bye early on and after said bye he imed me back and said feel free to chat sometime soon. We got to talking again and talked on AIM for a long time he eventually said he wanted to hangout sometime soon. He is going to come try to visit his friend from high school. Who he said he really wanted to visit, but for the past 3 weeks he has been 5 mins from her and he has yet to see her or hang out with her. It felt really good! I just don't want to misinterpret things

[sunflwr23]

can anyone give me their opinion?