'Emotional' Questions

[SelflessnHumble]

It's kinda weird, I enjoy having children, but honestly, the whole pregnancy thing doesn't do much for me emotionally. I might be defective on that, or it maybe I'm a male who isn't going fake it.
In reality, it just means more work and stress management. Nothing that makes me dislike it, but it sure doesn't do anything -for- me. Selfish, sure.
It's not like she's nicer, or more horny, or more loving. It's 9 months of telling her she's not fat, she's pregnant.

Maybe I'm just an ass when it comes to being pregnant, but that's how I feel. She doesn't need to pretend she's horny (ever), or happy, or secure about her size. She doesn't need to pretend to not be moody, or tired, or just plain over emotional, or explain herself.
Why is it that I'm expected to?

I simply can't swallow how that's anywhere near being fair.

And we have talked about it, and she's made it clear that she wants more 'connection'. Great. When I figure out how to fake it without draining myself, I'll do it. Till then I guess I can just feel like a prick.

You're entitled to feel like the ass that you are but shit: if you are a realist: and she IS fat:
then just tell her the truth. If she can't handle being called fat when she is then that's her problem: not yours....right?

If you feel like children (once they're hear) are great, but the time, effort and love you are devoid of feeling while they
are developing, then fine...BUT this shitty state of mind will adversely affect their own development due to your detachment whether you "believe" this or not.

You are a prick YET you don't feel compelled to change?
Perhaps it is because you lack real love and empathy for your wife AND your children?
Something is wrong here (besides you) Sad.

[vashti]

It's kinda weird, I enjoy having children, but honestly, the whole pregnancy thing doesn't do much for me emotionally. I might be defective on that, or it maybe I'm a male who isn't going fake it.
In reality, it just means more work and stress management. Nothing that makes me dislike it, but it sure doesn't do anything -for- me. Selfish, sure.
It's not like she's nicer, or more horny, or more loving. It's 9 months of telling her she's not fat, she's pregnant.

Maybe I'm just an ass when it comes to being pregnant, but that's how I feel. She doesn't need to pretend she's horny (ever), or happy, or secure about her size. She doesn't need to pretend to not be moody, or tired, or just plain over emotional, or explain herself.
Why is it that I'm expected to?

I simply can't swallow how that's anywhere near being fair.

And we have talked about it, and she's made it clear that she wants more 'connection'. Great. When I figure out how to fake it without draining myself, I'll do it. Till then I guess I can just feel like a prick.

As long as you refuse to take responsibility for preventing more babies from being made, you lost the right to complain about ANY of this. It isn't as though you didn't know exactly what you were getting into.

[vashti]

Whoa vashti, I'd like to know where that came from.
If I were complaining about having more mouths to feed, or how I couldn't afford it, or how I'd dread the sleepless nights, then yes, by all means, I would agree with you.
But seeing as I'm voicing my feelings about difficulties I have connecting with my wife on certain things, I really don't see how your opinion is at all related.

Were you, or were you not complaining about her lack of sexual interest, her moodiness, her fatigue while pregnant? If I misunderstood your post, I apologize, but that's the way it reads.

[SelflessnHumble]

Well, no, I don't think she's fat when she's pregnant.

Well, that's good, but it just sounds like you don't really like women much.
Women (if you did not know) are fueled by emotion(s)

uhm, I have a hard time thinking how I feel about a fetus will affect their development?! I'm very attached to my children, I am not attached to a fetus.

I'm not sure how you feel about the fact a fetus isn't a fetus for 9 whole months until he/she pops out...
But the baby that is inside its mother's womb CAN actually carry life long rejection/disappointments all throughout their
lives because of your connection issues. If you did not know that people can have emotional based memories about
an act or state of mind (in this case yours) that manifests outward: it IS possible that a child could have issues they won't
ever remember the root cause or source...but they will know what that feels like. -regardless of the explanation-

I can live with being a prick if it's how I feel about something. Why should I have to change?

<-----------That's the beauty of life isn't it? You don't have to change or do something you don't want to...

I'm actually very empathic, but I'm not very emotional, and yes, I propably have love issues.

So you internalize your supposed "empathy" yet you don't know how to affirm it? Would you like to know what
empathy means? Well, I don't want to hit too close to home: but it isn't natural to seemingly "feel" empathy and then describe the supposed empathy (when it comes to your wife) in the manner you do it in. <----A contradiction.

How you describe yourself paints you out to be a psychopath (look it up)

Whoa vashti, I'd like to know where that came from.
If I were complaining about having more mouths to feed, or how I couldn't afford it, or how I'd dread the sleepless nights, then yes, by all means, I would agree with you.
But seeing as I'm voicing my feelings about difficulties I have connecting with my wife on certain things, I really don't see how your opinion is at all related.

Do you deny that you came here to vent and/or to: complain?

[SelflessnHumble]

Part 2

You say that your wife is disappointed with your (lack of) positive reaction to her being pregnant.
You cite MONEY, mouths to feed, chairs, furniture and basically EVERY and ANY thing that is common sense to most people: THINGS cost money. <----this is already implied.
The fact you repeatedly tell us (via your thoughts and words) illustrates your lack of contentment -in fact it sounds like contempt for the entire situation: in which you seem to think
they ALL revolve around: money....Which is sad.

You still have NOT addressed the "why" as in: Why do you not jump up and down with excitement? Why don't you react with happiness?
Having a child IS the greatest gift you could ever be given: and THIS is how you choose to react?

Instead of enjoying all of the unique benefits to being yet another father (another gift in itself) you actually think about:
-How your mother is going to react
-How it is going to affect your job
-how OTHER people are going to react to the news

You may be financially responsible because your income is greater than most out there...
But you don't sound mentally nor emotionally involved with the greatest and highest prioritized time: her conception, and carrying around YOUR child, for the 7th/8th time.
To you: it's not another gift....

IT IS ANOTHER EXPENSE.
ANOTHER subtle, yet financially demanding inconvenience....

If you don't see you have a need to change?
WHY then would you mention that you don't see a need to change? (Selfishness, perhaps?)
If you don't see this point ^^^ then there may be no solution for you, and it seems you are already set in your ways.

Why do you ASK what she is missing when you: wouldn't even lift a finger to change (if she addressed her concerns to you) ???
I suspect she fears telling you the cold hard truth that you are selfish, emotionless, and devoid of empathy as your "words" claim to say, yet your actions: say otherwise! See that?

This is how life works, not how your life should dictate how other people view life to make you happy: life doesn't work like that.
You are a broken man, and through a matter of convenience (your environment, your job, and disposable income) she keeps having children with you hoping
to actually spark you to love her with affirmation, not with gifts, with words and "bullshit" that she doesn't buy. Make sense?

You have no issue with proudly proclaiming you are "not perfect: YET you have an issue with actually taking responsibility for your: lack of emotion/empathy???
You say you aren't upset, nor negative about being pregnant: yet earlier you admitted your perceived reactions were indeed negative.

You look at the problems in your relationship like math equations: What are you missing (so I may fill that missing void) She won't tell you! The truth would destroy you.

Being in a relationship isn't about "taking sides." This is your first blunder.
Your 2nd blunder: you completely MISSED the point as to why she got ticked off, when this person said you shouldn't have more kids...Allow me to spell it out for the doc:

YOU did not reaffirm that even though they have a right to their opinion: You were supposed to say, "Honey, they are probably just jealous because I have been given all of these
beautiful and wonderful gifts so, I don't care what they think, and neither should you...The reassurance isn't there. Women can feel insecure just by words...You've been derelict.

The fact is: you aren't empathic, you view your house like a tight ship ran by Mr. Capt'n Von Trap himself (before me meets Maria)
Of course you MUST stick to your principles concerning money: and she always disregards them...Ask yourself why? I know why?

(THIS is a sure fire way to get you to show emotions!) She exploits this fact like clockwork.

Life isn't about the upkeep of furniture that cannot feel, think, nor LOVE as people can: especially when it comes to your family.
When your animals are dead: you are going to miss them ruining your furniture. Is your solution to say, "Oh well, we'll just buy another one!" (regarding the animals not the chair)

Food: You need to sit down with your wife, take (I presume it's your money, right?) and take away her link to credit cards and YOUR bank account.
Then you need to set up some rules, that money isn't to be given out like the equivalent of the consumer Federal Reserve, printing money out at your friendly neighborhood Kinkos' Copies...
Last: McDonalds: 9 people divided by 50 is somewhere around $5.50 per person. They have a dollar menu, have salads (why you can't buy your own food and cook it is beyond me)
I mean if money is so tight as you make it out to be (when I know it's not) then COOK your own foods!

If you don't set up ground rules: how in the crap is your wife supposed to "KNOW" what your budget is?
If she sucks with money management: TAKE THE MONEY AWAY! If you work too much in order to delegate? TOUGH shit dude!
You helped create this situation with so many children...Either own up to it: or leave.
Don't stay, and mumble/complain like a baby. Focus on the positive, go see someone for professional help (because you clearly need it)

You focus too much on what and how she feels, instead of looking into the mirror: and focusing on resolving your lack of intimacy and connection a man
is innately supposed to feel with his partner!

It stands to reason dude:
IF she cannot adhere to simple money management protocols: She cannot STOP producing babies closing in on double digit figures...
It also stands to reason that a loving household is what children NEED, and that YOU have no issue impregnating this woman: just don't like to deal
with the: responsibility, liability nor required obligations ONE should feel compelled to give and/or reciprocate...

One 2 hr bacon/seafood rice dish isn't enough to act as some sort of symbolic fresh start because: you don't ever address the issues within the relationship.

[AMansView]

You should not be having anymore kids brah

[Vampyria]

This is Regenets wife.

Actually I dont get myself pregnant. When we got together 14 years ago he and I choose to have a large family. Every month I ask him if he is happy and if he wants more kids and he tells me yes!

Money is not actually a real issue or more then any family goes through he created it, becauase his mother who believes no one should have children tells him so. This woman whos never spent a day in our home, bothered to ask anything about our lives has great unnatural pull.

As for the rest of the snide comments towards me, I will forgive you since you have no idea of the true story . I hope that you dont find your spouse saying half truths or created mean things about you on a forum somewhere, and if you do I hope self rightous people judge you as hasrshly.

[MerryH]

This is Regenets wife.

Actually I dont get myself pregnant. When we got together 14 years ago he and I choose to have a large family. Every month I ask him if he is happy and if he wants more kids and he tells me yes!

Money is not actually a real issue or more then any family goes through he created it, becauase his mother who believes no one should have children tells him so. This woman whos never spent a day in our home, bothered to ask anything about our lives has great unnatural pull.

As for the rest of the snide comments towards me, I will forgive you since you have no idea of the true story . I hope that you dont find your spouse saying half truths or created mean things about you on a forum somewhere, and if you do I hope self rightous people judge you as hasrshly.

Welcome.

How did you find your husband here? Were you snooping?

[Bo]

This is complicated, you both need to sit down and have a serious talk.

[Vampyria]

You bectcha. Actually the power went out and i tried to re start the tv program and accidently hit his msn. Which took me to his secert email. That took me to his craiglist post looking for girls. Which lead me to the history of the dating site he applied for. And tada here I am looking at him trash me.

[MerryH]

As fun as it would be for me to watch this play out, maybe you should go talk to him instead of telling the internet how angry you are.

[Vampyria]

PS I have no access to our bank card and we have no credit cards. We live in a house that was free and given to us. We have 0 debt. I have no licence. I spent 3 hours a week online finding deals on food to fit 350 bucks in to my families food allowance for that week. I DO NOT GET MY HAIR DONE,OR MY NAILS. I asked for a bench to make his house look nicer, and its the only thing i asked for for christmas and in the end it was for him so he could be proud of our home.

There is no looming financial issues, I do not spent huge amounts of money. I barely buy anything for myself and if I do its tampons, frm the dollar store or something cheap as hell. I actually wear skirts with rips in them vs complaining for it to be replaced.

We have spent the entire 2 days talking, everything he wanted to throw in my face isnt real. The people arent real, the money issue wasnt real.And yet he created it and uses it to hurt me. Hurt me x number of times. I feel like aborting my baby because he makes me feel like trash and yet he told me he wanted the child. How does that make sense? I begged him pleaded with him to stop it. Stop making me go through this everytime. Other men have been more excited about my babies then him. Other men think I am an angel.


In all these months he posted against me he cannot name one time where i said to him or anyone else a bad word. I talk him up to be a god even when he making me feel like I am so horrible to him.

[Vampyria]

I have talked to him thank you. I have a right to defend myself as much right as everyone on here thinks they had a right to believe he was telling the truth fully and then TRASH ME to him.

[Regnent]

She has every right to be angry, and as no one bothered to tell me that I shouldn't be be angry or upset to the internet for my warped games, she has every right to tell the internet how I've made here feel.

She's did everything she could to help me. I didn't want any of it.

She has done amazing things with our money. She has done amazing things with our children, and our lives. She has never expected anything from me that was unreasonable.
From finally getting a newer van, to decorating the house for seasonal things, to knowing who, what, and where the children are up to, to standing upto her own parents, to trying to make -me- feel like I was a success in our lives.

She got attacked, and manipulated, called names, and hurt because I've been too self absorbed and 'right' to see that she did everything in her power to keep me 'happy', but I just threw it back at her.

[Bo]

Reg, you owe her big time. Now go do something romantic and make her feel special, asshole!