What does it really mean to be in a relationship?

[IndiReloaded]

Stop focussing on the arguments and focus on solutions.

Sounds like she knows what she wants. Sounds like you need to work out the same. Then you two need to communicate to each other and decide if you can give each other what you each need. If yes, carry on. If not, break up and move on. That's what adults do.

Her attitude is bothersome, yes. But I can guess she finds you pretty frustrating also. But is this a symptom of a potentially bigger problem. That you two are really on different pages of what you want from life? Be honest with each other. If you can't do that, then you may as well break up anyway.

[Humblebee]

A little update about our situation. Right now it feels like she's forgotten the problems, she said she had realized she really loves this guy (me). As much as I'd want to just let things be and continue life with her I'm 99% sure things would just explode later on and we'd be back where we started or even suddenly break up.

Stop focussing on the arguments and focus on solutions.

Sounds like she knows what she wants. Sounds like you need to work out the same. Then you two need to communicate to each other and decide if you can give each other what you each need. If yes, carry on. If not, break up and move on. That's what adults do.

Her attitude is bothersome, yes. But I can guess she finds you pretty frustrating also. But is this a symptom of a potentially bigger problem. That you two are really on different pages of what you want from life? Be honest with each other. If you can't do that, then you may as well break up anyway.

I can't really agree with you more. She really has made it pretty clear what she wants from me.. I'm just not sure yet whether that's something I can (or am able to) give her. And yes, I believe all our fights so far have started because she has felt she has had enough of me because I can't make a decisions about how things should proceed between the two of us.

I've pretty much always had in mind that I'll end up getting married and have babies with someone. In a sense it's the same as she wants but the problem is that she wants it now and I'd want to go slower. I admit that I've said/hinted her about marriage and babies sometimes when we were doing extremely good and this is propably one of the reasons for her to be upset.. I feel sorry for doing that now. I still feel like we'd get married eventually, that's the goal I'm aiming for when I'm with a woman who I feel like living with. I just need to take it slower to see if things work out and she's really the one.

Seems like writing here and reading all of your comments have made it clearer for me what I want. Now if someone could fix my bad communicating skills.

Keep them comments coming.

[michelle23]

so what if you hinted at marriage or kids.. doesnt mean you want it right now. 4 and a half years ago me and my bf both agreed we want to get married one day and have kids-were still not ready and probably wont be for another 2 or 3 years. There is nothing wrong with taking things slow.

Do not allow her to change your mind on this. The answer right now should be no to marriage and kids. You cannot bring a child into this mess. Your relationship is not working right now so find a way to make it work before planning a future or leave

And if you are insecure/low self-esteem find a way to work on that. People with insecurity issues settle for second best-regret it later and end up having some seedy affair. Dont be that person

[Humblebee]

so what if you hinted at marriage or kids.. doesnt mean you want it right now. 4 and a half years ago me and my bf both agreed we want to get married one day and have kids-were still not ready and probably wont be for another 2 or 3 years. There is nothing wrong with taking things slow.

Do not allow her to change your mind on this. The answer right now should be no to marriage and kids. You cannot bring a child into this mess. Your relationship is not working right now so find a way to make it work before planning a future or leave

And if you are insecure/low self-esteem find a way to work on that. People with insecurity issues settle for second best-regret it later and end up having some seedy affair. Dont be that person

Thanks again for the feedback. As much as I want to get married with her, I know I shouldn't do it until it's clearer to me and things have been settled.

Maybe it's low self-esteem. When we fight I often just remain silent because I really don't know what to say and I don't want to hurt her. I also feel like she's not being responsive to things I say at those times. Oh well, I suppose it doesn't matter if I'm right or wrong about that. Main thing is that I should tell her how I see things and not worry too much how it goes, atleast as long as I'm really sure that's how I feel so no one gets hurt for nothing.

I haven't really talked with her this week. Not a single true conversation atleast. I want to be sure about what I want and be able to articulate it so that she understands what I'm saying so that neither of us will be upset anymore because I didn't say how I feel.

[HeartIsAching]

A little update about our situation. Right now it feels like she's forgotten the problems, she said she had realized she really loves this guy (me). As much as I'd want to just let things be and continue life with her I'm 99% sure things would just explode later on and we'd be back where we started or even suddenly break up.

I've got a feeling she found your posts on LF and realizes how close to the edge she's crowded you... or she's figured it out some other way.

It won't last long. She'll be back at her controlling and bullying ways soon enough.

[michelle23]

my honest opinion: she wants a ring on her finger and a baby in her belly and a man to work his ass off and bring home the bacon. That is all she wants. She doesnt want love, it is last on her list and she is gonna be a complete nightmare to deal with for the next ten years. If you really wana give it a try-go ahead but be prepared to walk away if things dont get any better in the next 6 months.

She does sound like a spoiled brat to me

[Rowen]

Relationships are meant to be equal give and take. In your case, it sounds like you're giving to her, and she's taking without giving much back. Dump her. She's bad news.

[IndiReloaded]

my honest opinion: she wants a ring on her finger and a baby in her belly and a man to work his ass off and bring home the bacon. That is all she wants. She doesnt want love, it is last on her list and she is gonna be a complete nightmare to deal with for the next ten years. If you really wana give it a try-go ahead but be prepared to walk away if things dont get any better in the next 6 months.

She does sound like a spoiled brat to me

A 'spoiled brat' who owns her own home and carries her own mortgage? LOL! Doesn't sound to me like someone who expects a man to work his ass off and bring the bacon.

Sounds to me like a woman who wants a *partner* not another dependent. She's asking him to step up. Badly, I admit, but at least she knows what she wants.

Sorry, the OP sounds nice, but he is definitely waffling. I would have broken up with him by now.

[michelle23]

im just going on what OP has said. assuming what he has said is all true-then thats the impression i get. this is going way too fast. i understand her clock is ticking but this is too much pressure for a fairly new relationship.. and she is placing way too many rules. my inlaws are welcome. ill admit they can be a pain at times but there his family, i love him, there the sacrifes/compromises i need to make

[IndiReloaded]

I don't disagree she could be a bitch. But she's definitely not looking for a man to 'take care of her' as you implied. Not if she works to own her own home.

[michelle23]

but that could all change if shes married and pregnant. It sounds like her dream is to be a housewife (nothing wrong with that) but most housewives love their husband and want him to be happy. Sounds like she doesnt care about love-just wants the dream

[Humblebee]

We tried to have a discussion about us today. We didn't really get any further than me trying to explain her why I'd like to wait a bit before getting married and having a baby. Wasn't able to convince her.. She has trouble getting past that she feels she's getting old and because of past relationship she is afraid to wait too long. Back then she waited and waited but it never ended up anywhere after all which is why she hesitates, she just doesn't want to waste her life anymore. Also she doesn't understand what difference it would really make if we'd get to know each other while being married or getting to know each other before getting married. That's just something I couldn't explain. It's the way I see a relationship should go.

Now she's heading to work while crying uncontrollably and doesn't know what to think anymore.. :/

Life surely sucks.

[HeartIsAching]

I think you've dodged a bullet.

[IndiReloaded]

You can't force things. If the two of you have different needs, then you need to let each other go. It doesn't make either of you bad people.

She's crying b/c she knows its the beginning of the end.

[michelle23]

I can understand how she feels. Shes terrified she wont ever achieve her dream of having children. You cannot sacrifice what you want to give her what she wants. If there had been no issues in this relationship so far-I would say maybe you should have a baby BUT the relationship is not working. There are too many red flags and I think you should let her go so she can find someone else who is ready for what she wants. She is being too pushy-she is too focused on getting down the aisle that she is forgetting a relationship is supposed to be fun and loving and stress free especially leading up to marriage.