What is the best place to meet women?

[jurupa]

Yes, but hence I said, "women won't hang out around the computer section".. I didn't say.. "don't look for women that hang out around the computer section"... the two are quite different statements.

Women do hang around there. But like 90% of guys who don't read 90% of women will not be in the computer section.

I would kill myself if I got stuck in the computer section. Even the sports section would be better.

Why? If you have computer problems that is one of the best places to go to get free computer help.

yes, not every guy is a player, and neither am I. I hate that word, and that's not what I am. I simply understand the rules of attraction. And this question was obviously asked by someone who has yet to discover them. There's no shame in that. In fact, there's nothing to be proud about either when you understand women, (it comes naturally with time), the person asking just wants to speed up the process.

The way you went about it was player like behavior. And why is there nothing to be proud of when you understand women? I am aware of what the original poster asked, which was where to meet women, not how to pick them up.

Telling a woman that you're thinking of cooking some dish, or what would go well with ____... is not a bad idea.. if this isn't your first encounter... But chances are, if you're new at this.. trying that little stunt will come off as fake, dishonest, and even desperate. So lay off the Iron-Chef approach on your first encounter... If you really want her to think you cook, or draw attention to the fact you cook, it's really simple..

I disagree. I am not saying to mention some complex dish. I think a simple dish like pork chops with egg corn squash that has butter and cinnamon in it is an easy dish to make. And saying your going to cook something does not make you look desperate and you can use it when you first talk to the girl.

Remember, to get across to women, don't think like a man. Instead of telling her you cook, or asking her what she thinks a good tip is... let her take that step on her own.. Afterall, you were looking for something.. (Alfredo Sauce) maybe? Well, if your cart is filled with beer and chips.. you're not fooling anyone.. But if your cart is filled with pasta, steaks, perhaps a bottle of wine... that spells out a whole different character for you... When you ask that question, naturally, her eyes will first land on you.. then wander slowly to your cart.. then she will decide whether you are interesting or not.. and then will look back at you..

So how am I suppose to think like to get across to a women then? I am going to think like a guy with his shit together. Yes having beer and chips is a bad thing to have in your cart when you are talking to a girl. But a six pack and some steaks is not. And how do you know for sure a girl will not look what is in your cart first then look at you? Meaning she first glances to what is in side your cart then moves her eyes up to you. In other words she makes a "U" with her eyes. And not a backwards "C" like you are talking about.

Now, if you're not interesting.. she won't look at you or will give you a fake (polite) smile and tell you were you can find the sauce... if she DOES think you're interesting.. she will look at you.. her face will soften and a smile-like face will start to appear.. at this point.. she herself will want to continue the conversation... she might ask you something like.. (what kind of sauce are you thinking of making exactly?, you know since you're making pasta ____ wouldn't be a bad idea to go along with that).. etc... Now, if you're playing the role of the Iron-Chef... be prepared to ask the female version of (do you have a boyfriend?)... it goes something like.. (are you trying to cook this for/impress someone special?)...

I know what the signs of a girl if she is interested or not. I can usually pick them up within 30 secs of meeting a girl. And going back to what I said before. If you are planing to make a simple meal a girl will less likely think you are making it for someone. Most girls can tell if you are going to make something fancy or not. And if you are making something for someone else.

How may girls do you think will think a guy with a couple of hamburger helpers and meet loafs in his cart is making a dish for his girlfriend? Very few if any. Heck even the pork chops dish I mention doesn't really bring up any flags on this. Now say your cooking fish with a sauce and other stuff then you are setting off alarms.

Now, most guys say (no).. but that's actually not the best answer... Look at yourself in the mirror.. accept that you're an Alpha-Male, a winner, a stud.. whatever works for you... assure yourself that you're good bf material.. and build up your confidence with some casual social flirting... now.. next time you find yourself in this situation.. and the woman asks you.. (are you trying to cook this for someone special?)... you can be ready to say something like.. (well, that all depends on I can get your number), or, (maybe, if I can have your number)... It's pretty much a done deal from there..

I don't need a play book chief

I know.. it might seem a bit unrealistic to say things like this to attractive women at this point in time.. but all you need is some confidence in yourself & your looks, and some faith in the quality of (man) you are... when you have that though.. all of this will come naturally...

Personally attractive girls don't intimidate me.

GrkScorp - I know you want to offer help. But I am showing my view on your knowledge/advice/help thats all. Will it do some guys good yes. But will it fit every guy no. Your advice will generally help those guys that have no idea what to do around girls.

[lin]

I love music . I like nerdy obscure stuff that girls don't usually like . Most of the guys I've been out with I've met at music venues . Normally I'm one of one of only a hand full of women there . Mostly I go and see bands with male friends ( don't know any women with my tastes ) but if I ever go on my own I always end up chatting to someone even if it doesn't lead anywhere .

I don't really care if a man can cook and I've never managed to get into a conversation in a book shop or Starbucks ... but if a man shares my music taste he has more chance than anyone else of going out with me .

So if you have any serious hobbies or interests I'd use them to meet someone . The more unusual the hobby , the more likely you are to find your perfect girl .

I have a friend who is involved in Viking re enactments , he met his wife there . She is his perfect woman . He would have never met his perfect match anywhere else .

[Tone]

When did Jurupa become an expert?

Did you finally ask a girl out, J?

I think Grk had some good ideas here.

[GrkScorp]

When did Jurupa become an expert?

Did you finally ask a girl out, J?

I think Grk had some good ideas here.

Hey hey... easy on the rivalry... lol... we're just giving advice on those few guys who want a head-start on things.. it's not like competative or anything.. Like I said earlier.. it's nothing to be proud & cocky about... eventually.. as life goes on and time passes by, all guys get better at understanding women & the dynamics of attraction.

[jurupa]

When did Jurupa become an expert?

Me an expert on girls? Now that is something to laugh at. Tho I am reasonably good at reading body language.

Did you finally ask a girl out, J?

Yes and asked more than one, and got rejected by all of them as well. A couple had boyfriends, one didn't but lied about it as she was not interested.

I think Grk had some good ideas here.

I am not saying he didn't, but will his advice work for any guy out there? No it won't. Neither would mine. Any advice GrkScoop or me or anyone gives will only work for certain amount of guys.

[GrkScorp]

Yes and asked more than one, and got rejected by all of them as well. A couple had boyfriends, one didn't but lied about it as she was not interested.

awww... well.. don't worry about it, I think 99.99999% of all guys on the planet share your pain, and i'm of them.

in order to prevent me from dating, my parents told me that (1). when you have sex before the age of 18, your brain becomes sperm; (2). if you really like a girl, just tell her exactly how you feel about her.

Well, by the age of 14, I realized the brain/sperm thing was not true. But it wasn't until the 10th grade when I realized, telling a girl your feelings is just not the way to go. And, after a TON of rejections (about 11!), I had my first girlfriend. It was only for two weeks, but it was great. If for nothing else, I now understood how the entire (hooking-up) process worked.

Now, as time went on, the only way to get better, is by asking out more women. So, before you can consider the boyfriend proposal, you have to learn to spark their interest first.

I mean, guys are like a switch. (it's off, but when an interesting woman comes in their view, all of a sudden the switch goes on, and that's the end of that, attraction is just there instantly). It's not the same for women. Women are like a dimmer. (it's off, and when an interesting man walks in the room, they start analyzing him, and the more they like, the brighter the dimmer gets. It could take a couple of minutes before most women are really attracted to a guy).

Now, some friends of mine don't want to listen to that theory of mine. So, they see a girl they like.. run up to her with confidence and ask them for their number. The women usually throw them the (b-bomb; aka. I have a boyfriend). But instead of looking at it as one huge failure, take this as a lesson; what just happened?

The guy, didn't give the woman enough time to find him interesting; and form attraction. As a golden rule, you have to give women time to form attraction, and avoid rushing and seeming pushy/desperate.

It all starts in the initial eye contact. There are tons of do's and don't(s); aswell as things to look out for.

DON'T(s)

(1). As you see a girl who you like, DON'T stare at her the entire night; it's creepy, makes her uncomfortable, and kills any chance you may have.
(2). DON'T look at a girl, then suddenly look away when she turns and looks at you! That just shows that you're timid, and lack the masculine quality she seeks in a (man).
(3). DON'T look at a girl, then give her a (player/sleezy/cheap) face when she looks at you. Don't (holla) either. You just lower the type of person you are in her eyes.

DO(s)

(1). When you do see someone you like, and they turn around and look at you, hold & keep eye contact with a smile that says (hey, hi, I know you're looking at me, but it's ok because I may be interested in you too). You should NOT be the first one to break eye contact; leave that to her. This is SO IMPORTANT! It sends out the message that you know very well she was looking at you, but it doesn't bother you, in fact since you smiled in approval; you may be interested in her.
(2). During eye contact, pay close attention to her eyebrows! When she first sees you, if her eyebrows go up slightly for about 0.2 seconds, she probably likes what she sees. This is a little understood mating ritual amung humans; (when we are interested in a person physically; our eyebrows flinch up when we first see them). Don't worry if her eyebrows don't flinch up; (a) you probably missed it because it happened so fast; (b) she probably looked at you earlier during the night.
(3). Now, read your eye contact very carefully. Did you just have a LONG (1-2) second stare-off at eachother? Did you have a (3-5) second blinking contest? Or did she look at you, and turn the other way? There's alot of judgement on this third part, but can eliminate any wasted time spend on more-than-likely rejections. First, if you looked at eachother for (3-5) seconds, you don't need me to tell you that you should be on your way to her table by now. Second, if you had a (1-2) second meeting, you might want to casually glance at her once more to see if your eyes meet again (if you have another long-ish eye-meeting, then she likes you). Now, if she turns around after your eyes meet, you have to be able to call it right (it's a 50-50 call). Half the time, women either want to play hard to get (and don't give you signals that easy, they make you work for them; or maybe she's just really shy). But it could be the case that she is NOT interested. If you look at her, and notice an emotionless, yet relaxed/casual turn away from you; (her body will even move to the other direction, especially her shoulders!), then she's telling you to get lost and that she's not interested.

But ok, so you find out which girl might be interested in you. What to do? Well, walk up to her; introduce yourself. There is NOTHING more striking to a woman than a man that is confident/bold yet charming and NOT cocky. Give a warm introduction (Hi, i'm _____).

Use the words (we/us) as early as you can. (Mind if we have a drink? Bartender get us 2 ____. Bartender we'll have 2 ____., etc.) When you use we/us, you get her thinking about the two of you on a more personal level right from the begining, the sooner the better.

If you're sitting down somewhere, or standing, make sure that her eyes are looking to her (right) when she is looking at you. That means, if you are facing eachother, she should be positioned slightly to your right side. If you are next to eachother, she should be to your left side. Why? Well, when people are looking to their (left), they are stimulating the part of the brain which is responsible for (accessing memory). If you are taking a job interview, notice that you are forced to look at the person from the (left) side of your eye; (because accessing your memory makes it harder for you to lie)! So why on earth would you not want her looking at you with the (left) side of her eyes? Because the (right) side of her eyes stimulate imagination! When a person lies, they are looking towards the (right) with both eyes, while they are telling a lie; (because the lie is not factual, and is NOT part of memory, so they have to access the imagination (right), not the memory (left)). You want her to look at you during the conversation and let her fantasy explore deep thoughts about the two of you, or maybe just you. You DON'T want her accessing memory and thinking about what a jerk her friend's bf was and how he loved to wear the same shoes you are, or what her ex-bf did to her and how he always got her a Corona at the bar, or what her mother told her about men. Any past experiences she may have which will act as (defenses) when meeting men, should NOT be allowed to surface; so keep her two eyes looking (right) at all times during the initial conversation.

So, when do you ask her for her number? Well, when you are having a great conversation, and all of a sudden you feel it going a little slow/dry.. it's a great time to stop things right there and ask for her number.. It's easy, and it's not a big deal. (Well, I had a great time, it was great meeting you, but I actually need to _____ "go back to some friends waiting for me at the bar, to my friend's place, pick someone up, go to some other party, etc.".. can I get your number and maybe we'll meet up some other time?).. What just happened? (You had a great time, but are obviously NOT needy, "hence (MAYBE we'll meet up some other time) & (I need to go SOME PLACE ELSE)").. It's obvious that you liked eachother, but you DON'T come off as deperate! You don't want her to be the first one to tell you that she has to go; if that happens say (yeah, I actually have to go to ___, totally slipped my mind) and then get her number. But your goal is a conversation no longer than 30-40 mins, and then get her number and go!

In Economics, there's a fundamental theory (The Principle of Least Interest). It is really present in Game Theory, where the party/player with the least interest (or least to lose), will be the party with the most power/control during the game. In negotiations for example, your goal is to give the appearance that you are NOT that interested in what the other party is giving you (or attacking you with). When the other party makes note of this, all of a sudden, you are in control. For instance, a Co-Op Board being sued by a Shareholder on Discrimination charges. If the Co-Op Board offers a settlement from the begining, they are sending a message to the other party that they have a week case, and would rather not go to court. But if the Co-Op Board instead refuses to negotiate and appears to be pushing for court claiming that the other party has "no case", and "will lose in court"; it is actually the other party (shareholder) who will be begging for a settlement; a much lower one than the Co-Op board would have offered initially.

The application of this theory is present in Dating. In fact there is a branch of Economics that deals with this, (Dating Economics; Columbia University). Anyway, in Dating Economics, the party which appears to have the (Least Interest) actually has the greatest negotiating power. Now, when you leave first (because you have somewhere you NEED to go, "somewhere more important than talking to her", then you are insterested, but not THAT interested). Right there and then, the woman understands that she is interested in you, but will have to make additional effort to make you just as interested in her. So, she will actually be WAITING for you to call her. And when you do, she will want to meet you and see you again. And when she does, she will want to impress you by looking nice and acting on her best behavior.

[jurupa]

awww... well.. don't worry about it, I think 99.99999% of all guys on the planet share your pain, and i'm of them.

What pain? You talk about economics in your post. If you look at the stats on population. More and more, females are out numbering men. Which means statistically speaking it should make it easier for guys to get girls, because of the laws of supply and demand. Now that is not to say I am just going to sit back and do nothing, but you would think it would improve my chances.


GrkScoop I guess you never heard of the 30 second rule have you? Because your dimer switch thing on girls is only true if they have any remote interest in you. Most girls make up their mind if they like a guy that has approach them usually in 10 to 15 seconds, 30 being max. That does not mean you can't get her interest up, but it is a lot hard to when she has none in you. And girls can lose interest in a guy as well if the guy hits any major turn off for the girl.

And on your don't do list. There are girls that like and fall for the whole player holla thing. I have seen it happen more than once. Like I said before GrkScoop you seem to want have a game play and you can not have one. Just because you think guys should not use it does not mean it doesn't work on girls. And each girl is different as well and you have to take that in when you approach one.

Personally I think the eye brow thing on the eye contact is bs. One that a bit to quick for the human eye to catch, two I never read anything on that, and three there are a lot better signs to look for to see if a girl is interest. Such things like a slight head tilt to one side, the girl leaning in or getting closer to you. Her body is squarely aim at you etc.

The whole we/us thing is a bad move I think. Because it is one less thing that does not allow the guy to see how independent or dependent the girl is. There are women out there that want to order their own drinks. And may not want a guy they don't know that well to order for them.

And on the number thing it is much better to ask it when the conversation peaked and it is coming down hill than to ask it when it is at the bottom, because you can play the whole "I have to be somewhere" card a lot better because you did not let the conversation die on its own, but killed it to play the card. In turn possibly making the girl even more interested in you and making it easier to hook up again.

GrkScoop what is with the whole game play book thing? I am just asking because I highly doubt that will work on any girl out there. If it works for you great, but for me I read the girls body language and go from there. No plan, just play it by ear.

[Charlie Boy II]

These post lengths are simply outrageous

[GrkScorp]

GrkScoop what is with the whole game play book thing? I am just asking because I highly doubt that will work on any girl out there. If it works for you great, but for me I read the girls body language and go from there. No plan, just play it by ear.

Well, ever since after High School, I really haven't had ANY trouble with women. Women my age, and even older than me.

Now, I don't stick to a plan. In fact, it's not a (game plan) I set out there, just some things to look out for.

If you can read body language great; but that's not the half of it. Remember, tone of voice, speed in the voice, delay in speech, inflection of her voice, facial expressions, eyes are very important, see where they are looking.

But equally as important perhaps is NOT what SHE is doing, but what YOU are doing with all those! When you meet someone, you get anxiety, and it's natural. But you have to focus! You have to eventually be able to control your own body, eyes, and voice to give out the confident signals you want at the right time. You also have to read a woman accurately and in a timely manner in order to respond well.. Dating is a pain-in-the-ass process at first, but as you go along, all these things become natural.

Honestly, if you're having trouble connecting with women you're attracted to; just start speaking to more women. I'm sure you can find them in college, work, or anywhere really. Start with (not-so-bad) quality women; women that don't really attract you, and that you have no intention of ever dating. Just randomly be nice, start a conversation, and then say goodbye. Then, as you get the hang of it, start moving up in quality.. You'll notice some differences in their attitude mostly due to self-perception about themselves.

What's important is that you're talking to women, and LOTS of them, without the intent of dating them! This will allow you to talk with them stress-free and with confidence (in body language, voice, and eye movement/facial expression). The more you do this, the more natural all these signals and expressions will come to you; it's as if you're training yourself to be naturally confident.

Now, next time you see a woman you LIKE, go up to her. In fact, now, you shouldn't even need to think; it should be natural, (you'll fall into autopilot), everything should be smooth. Anyway.. got to run.. already late.. I'll try to be back later on tonight..

[jurupa]

These post lengths are simply outrageous

No said you have to read them.

If you can read body language great; but that's not the half of it. Remember, tone of voice, speed in the voice, delay in speech, inflection of her voice, facial expressions, eyes are very important, see where they are looking.

Uh last I checked facial expression and eye movement where part of body language. And I would say body language does play a major role in things. Yes speech and what the girl says is as well, but if the guy can not pick up on the body language he is going to have trouble.

But equally as important perhaps is NOT what SHE is doing, but what YOU are doing with all those! When you meet someone, you get anxiety, and it's natural. But you have to focus! You have to eventually be able to control your own body, eyes, and voice to give out the confident signals you want at the right time. You also have to read a woman accurately and in a timely manner in order to respond well.. Dating is a pain-in-the-ass process at first, but as you go along, all these things become natural.

Which is why I like being a cocky smart ass.

Honestly, if you're having trouble connecting with women you're attracted to; just start speaking to more women. I'm sure you can find them in college, work, or anywhere really. Start with (not-so-bad) quality women; women that don't really attract you, and that you have no intention of ever dating. Just randomly be nice, start a conversation, and then say goodbye. Then, as you get the hang of it, start moving up in quality.. You'll notice some differences in their attitude mostly due to self-perception about themselves.

What's important is that you're talking to women, and LOTS of them, without the intent of dating them! This will allow you to talk with them stress-free and with confidence (in body language, voice, and eye movement/facial expression). The more you do this, the more natural all these signals and expressions will come to you; it's as if you're training yourself to be naturally confident.

Now, next time you see a woman you LIKE, go up to her. In fact, now, you shouldn't even need to think; it should be natural, (you'll fall into autopilot), everything should be smooth. Anyway.. got to run.. already late.. I'll try to be back later on tonight..

Actually it is better to just socialize in general to get girls.

[GrkScorp]

No said you have to read them.

Uh last I checked facial expression and eye movement where part of body language. And I would say body language does play a major role in things. Yes speech and what the girl says is as well, but if the guy can not pick up on the body language he is going to have trouble.

Which is why I like being a cocky smart ass.

Actually it is better to just socialize in general to get girls.

LMAO... hahaha

ok.. u know what.. it seems that you have an answer and come-back to all advice, so you obviously know what you're doing..

With all your divine wisdom and understanding of women it's then just one big mystery as to why you're still single and are getting rejected on such a grand scale, but I give up on trying to help you; it seems like you want to stick to what's been working for you so far.. i'm officially out of this thread.. hope your luck gets better..

[Junket]

These post lengths are simply outrageous

I concur.

__________

[Stirfry]

The library is a really good place to meet people. Just the other day some guy came over to me in a chair I was sitting in and asked if I could reccommend any good books. We ended up chatting for about half an hour.. it's a really good way to get a phone # : )