Red flag?

[mellyann]

Thank you, topazlight. I am thinking hard line not giving a shit should be my newly adopted attitude for 2019. My sister caused my parents a lot of stress and I think helped put dad into an early grave, with her sick cat and all and hand constantly out and leeching /living off. He didn't help my dad out once, only spent for her to get gifts, hair done and trips to the UK over the years.

[TheEvilJester]

You know, I would still have SOME sympathy for him if he was warned about her and chose to proceed with the relationship anyway. For a number of reasons. Firstly, you can't always believe it for sure when people say stuff like that. How was he to know if people were exaggerating or possibly even lying to him? If perhaps she was innocent and just a victim of bullying/BS rumors?

Secondly, everybody makes mistakes. I could understand him being warned by others but thinking she still deserved a chance to prove she had changed/could change.

Where I have a little less sympathy for him is given the fact that you say they've been together for years. At some point, if somebody is bad for you/if the warnings people gave you ring true... there comes a time when you need to wake the heck up and realize you deserve better. Even so... I'll admit that I can still understand and sympathize a little.

Who among us hasn't been in a relationship that at least some part of them knows they should end... but for at least a while they stick it out? Even past when they should. I'm sure that is something most of us have experienced at some time. So, I can sympathize a little bit if she's no good for him and yet he stays with her. ...Again, to a degree. Because, eventually, if you keep allowing somebody to treat you poorly then it starts to become a situation where you are partially allowing it to continue.

Anyway... all that said, I would agree with the general consensus on what you should do.... which is pretty much nothing. Why let yourself be dragged into their drama? Maybe they'll get their S straight. Maybe they'll stay together and finally make it work. Maybe they'll split up and be better for it. Maybe they'll split up but neither of them will learn a damn thing from the experience. Who knows?

Sometimes you can help loved ones with something like this. But... sometimes there are times to know when it isn't worth your own misery. It isn't worth letting yourself be dragged into it because it probably won't help them and it will only serve to make you miserable too.

Best of luck to you. Best of luck to them as well. Even if they may be partially or even fully to blame for their own misery, I still wish them the strength to finally grow up and put an end to it. For their own benefit as well as those around them.