Dating 1 month, she wants to visit exbf. How to handle this?

[ImOnOne]

It sounds to me like she's been honest with you about things, I don't think she's done anything wrong to be honest, other than perhaps that she should have initiated that conversation herself and not waited for you to do so. I get that it hurts you, that you want her to be totally into you and for the ex to be consigned to the past, but it sounds like she won't even know how she feels herself until she sees him, and I don't think it's unreasonable that she should go and meet him and figure that out - it's not like she's demanding you wait in the wings, that's a choice you're making for yourself. There's every chance that when she sees him she will remember why it was they broke up in the first place, or that she just won't feel the same way and seeing him will be 'closure' and make her feel more ready to move forward with you. Equally it's possible that she'll reconnect with him and that sucks for you but if that's what happens then better that you know that now at this early-ish stage than months down the road when you're even more emotionally invested.

I think you are totally right as far as being honest. She even said "You don't have to put up with this and I don't want to hurt you." She says she broke up with him for lots of small things that needed to change plus the long distance aspect. She says he is claiming to have changed everything but she says she feels a person shouldn't have to change that much to make another happy. I guess I could see other people while shes gone and if we reconnect after we reconnect. The irony is that I have an ex who keeps texting me asking to get together but I have ignored her as I want to spend my time with the girl I'm with now, god it just sucks that she can't do the same....

[VincenzoG91]

The fact that she is interested in visiting her ex is a terrible sign that she wasn't ready for a relationship with you. Enjoy what you shared, but cut off contact for now. She's going to have sex with her ex and you're just her backup plan until she remembers why that relationship with the ex failed. She might come running back to you later on, but you will feel a lot better about yourself if you break up before her trip and get on with your life. If I were in your shoes, I would hook up with your ex while she is hooking up with her ex, just to avoid any feelings of jealousy or resentment.

[VerticalMoon]

There's a big difference between seeing somebody who's started seeing a few other people at the same time versus seeing somebody who might be going back to an ex. The first is somebody who is still checking out their options. The second is somebody who's built a full blown attachment with another person and hasn't let go of it yet. You can't compete with something like that. She really shouldn't have been dating other people at all if that is where things stood. You should end things with her now before you get even further into it. Let her know that she can contact you to see if you are still available once she is over the ex. But if you stay while she continues things with him, things will only get more complicated and miserable for you.

[ImOnOne]

There's a big difference between seeing somebody who's started seeing a few other people at the same time versus seeing somebody who might be going back to an ex. The first is somebody who is still checking out their options. The second is somebody who's built a full blown attachment with another person and hasn't let go of it yet. You can't compete with something like that. She really shouldn't have been dating other people at all if that is where things stood. You should end things with her now before you get even further into it. Let her know that she can contact you to see if you are still available once she is over the ex. But if you stay while she continues things with him, things will only get more complicated and miserable for you.

I think you are right. Each day closer to her leaving is harder. She is still talking to me and wants to do something over the next day or so. I think I'm going to step out of her life for a bit and let her know she can contact me at a later time if she wants as you said. It will be extremely hard on me and I will be really upset for a bit but I guess it's either now or later.

[ImOnOne]

Update:

She text me the other day asking if I would want to go out to dinner with her sister and brother in law the Friday after she gets back. She said she'd like me to meet her sister. OK, while on one hand this tells me she still wants to see me after, and also implies things getting more serious by starting to ask me to meet family members etc, I can't tell if it's just something to keep me waiting around. Why must this be so confusing and full of mind games?

[namemyname]

So, she's going off to bang her ex-bf, and she's getting you lined up for when she gets back?

Ick. That's just so trashy, and shows how little she really feels about both of you, IMO.

It doesn't imply anything, except that she's really good at playing you, and likely, the ex-bf as well.

[VincenzoG91]

It's time to go no-contact. You only dated for one month so far, but you could be in for years of stupid drama with this woman if you don't bail right now.

[Wakeup]

Op: I think you should google "Rebound Relationship" and educate yourself. I doubt you'll look after your own emotional health by stopping seeing her so the least you could do is be prepared. Even if she decides that you're the "winner" of her, she'll be rebounding to you since she still has feelings for an ex who isn't even living near enough to her to nuture their relationship... (don't be the guy on the side, the keeps her emotionally fulfilled until she can see him again ~ thats just dumb)

She's very poor relationship material at the moment and its unfortunate that she didn't have the gurl balllz to process her mess BEFORE dating someone new. Currently, you're fine filler for her while she waits to be with him.

Good luck, look after YOU.

[Wakeup]

Update:

She text me the other day asking if I would want to go out to dinner with her sister and brother in law the Friday after she gets back. She said she'd like me to meet her sister. OK, while on one hand this tells me she still wants to see me after, and also implies things getting more serious by starting to ask me to meet family members etc, I can't tell if it's just something to keep me waiting around. Why must this be so confusing and full of mind games?

Tell her you'll not commit to that since she's still involved with her ex. Then end the conversation.