Once a cheater always a cheater?

[christina808]

First of all, don't listen to what your friends have to say. They are telling you that you shouldn't just throw it away, but they don't really understand the extent of your happiness. You should not be in something that does not make you happy. How many people's parents have we seen in loveless marriages that just sap away their very will to live? It's not an easy decision to just leave somebody of eight years, but do not stay in this because you are afraid of what else is out there. There are plenty of people in this world that can be your "one", you just have to have enough confidence in yourself to make that leap.

Also, him saying that he will never cheat again (cute that he said on his mother's grave) is not a very comforting statement. He cannot predict the future and he cannot predict how he will feel later on in life. What if he finds himself feeling the same way he felt when he cheated on you the first time? Who's to say that it wouldn't happen again? It's just another promise that could possibly be broken after he broke his promise to be faithful to you when he made you his exclusive girlfriend.

If you believe this is something worth fighting for, explore all your possible options. Doing nothing will just allow the resentment to build and your love for him if it's not gone already will dwindle fast. Three years is a long time to carry this burden on your shoulders. If all else fails, do not be afraid of what else is out there. A fresh start with somebody new can bring you the feelings you are looking for.

Yes, three years is indeed a a long time to carry this load...and I am so exhausted. I think one of the things that keeps me holding on is the "what ifs." You are right I think I should explore all possible options before leaving it all behind, at least I could say that we did try everything. Yes, you hit it to the core when you said that I am afraid to go out there- I am afraid of exposing myself again and getting hurt again. I never thought that being cheated can change a person in so many levels.

You have said so many sensible and empowering words, and for that I thank you deeply.

[christina808]

My girlfriend cheated, I forgave her we did counselling, after awhile we got engaged, she cheated again.


In my opinion yes, cheaters will always be cheaters. I thought like you, and it hurt me more than I've ever been hurt. Cheating isn't some random accident.

You never ever want to hurt the person you love. cheating is the ultimate way of hurting someone. Logically if you cheat you don't love the person.


... I know we lose sight of this when we are in relationships (I did), but there really are thousands of fish in the sea and many of them are as compatible or more compatible than your current mate who clearly took you for granted and doesn't deserve you. I thought I'd never meet anyone that I loved as much as this girl. Throughout the relationship we always told each other how lucky we were to have found each other... Tonight I found out that in a single year (the year before I met the heartbreaker) I had more girlfriends than my friend has had in his entire life. I wasn't lucky to be with this girl, she was lucky to be with me (haha that's a joke). ..
... My point is that you've probably had tonnes of boyfriends and if you left this jerk (as you should) you'll have tonnes more. Its not like you'll die alone if you break up. That's honestly how I felt.

I don't know if I can take it again if ever he cheats! The thought is unfathomable! I don't know about you, but if I have finally decided that I will leave him, I think I cannot see myself being in a relationship for a long time. After what happened, I don't know if I can ever trust again, yes, I know, it sounds pathetic but I can't help it.

[christina808]

Seriously I believe once a cheater always a cheater.. If your relationship is that bad, just have the balls to break up! If you dont have the balls to do it, you cheat, or youre an attention whore that likes to string along as many guys as possible. Ive met people that have cheated and they can be awesome people but Id never date them!

I don't want to become one of those attention whore and I don't want to cheat either. After what I've been through, I can't imagine cheating back, I don't want other people to go through what I have been through, yes, even to the person who did it to me. I am just contemplating to stay with him because I still love him, i'd be a hypocrite if I say I don't, but this fear of being cheated again is just overwhelming me.

[christina808]

I dont know if your guy will change or not, Im not a cheater and I dont think like they do. I can say though to not let yourself be blinded by love. If he starts acting funny or you find something you shouldnt do not go into 'denial' mode. I wouldnt break up with him yet, Id give him a chance, but its going to take alot of time to get my trust back, and he should know that.

I know how it is to be in denial mode, and believe me, I don't want to be in that again! Though I may be guilty of being blinded by love, but I'm on a look out for slight inconsistencies (which can be quite exhausting!)