First threesome last night, need advice

[blue]

Listen to what is right for you not others sometimes its hard but you have to feel what you feel beacse no one else is feeling what you are feeling right at this moment. Take some time, there is nothing wrong with that.

[Clifton]

Well from an honest guys perspective, i wouldnt never let it get to the point when we were with another girl even all of us kissing..if i care about her thats just a waste to me, now granted ive had threesomes (and orgys) when i was single, but the only times ive loved anyone, i never wanted another girl, period. and i wouldve been offended if the girl had asked for us to have a 3some.

[Illusional]

I understand. It's funny though I get different responses from everyone and it's confusing. Most of my girlfriends said if he loved you he would have never gone through with it even to of my guy friends said that. If they had me they would never want anyone else. So some people have been putting these doubts in my head and making me feel worse ya know. Oh well I don't even want to think about it anymore right now.

well the first thing that i think you're doing wrong is you're listening to all your gf's. you've only got one side to look at, a gir's pov. maybe instead of only thinking of what they say, you should ask your bf.

i feel that you have hurt yourself because you wondered what happened if your bf had sex with another girl. at the same time, your bf was also questioning how he would feel if he had sex with another girl while his gf was watching. both of you took the chance and you feel as though you got the short end of the stick. i think that the only way to actually deal with this is to talk it out with your bf. i'm sure if you opened up to him, he would be much more understanding.

raverboy

[misombra]

yes but they're bias. and they're willing to tell you what they think you need to hear to calm you down. we're just objective internet people.

i believe that if you want to be with someone for the rest of your life, you have to accept that there are going to be "episodes." i realize i'm challenging some ideology here but really, that stuff happens. it sucks that you were right there but hey, you know exactly what happened. you were having a threesome. that's what it is about. 3 people having sex, no holds barred.

it is a little messed up that he penetrated her. i agree with your friends somewhat. i had a threesome with a guy and we were kinda talking, not really dating, you know? well he wouldn't have sex with my friend because he thought it might bother me. i don't know if it would have because he didn't do it. but we weren't knee walking drunk. were you very drunk or just buzzed? if he was very drunk i can definitely see him just doing whatever and being into it.

did you tell him that you feel a little betrayed and that you feel like you're satisfying him? chances are he'll tell you he was just in the moment, drunk, willing to do whatever you said. is the penetration ALL that bothered you? did it bother you when they were touching? did they kiss?

you have to make a decision, is this something that is bound to never go unforgiven and will always bother you to a point where you can't be with him? or are you willing to let it go and charge it to experience?

[sfalexi]

it is a little messed up that he penetrated her....were you very drunk or just buzzed? if he was very drunk i can definitely see him just doing whatever and being into it.

On the contrary, whether he was drunk or not, you OK'ed him penetrating her, so he did it. Therefore, there's no reason for you to be mad at him, but rather at yourself. If you can't come to grips with it, then the threesome was a bad idea and ultimately did you in. Also, you'll know never to have a threesome with someone you care about again. Sucks, but you've learned the hard way.

Rod Steele

[IKnowEverything]

Swinging is fun!

[Junket]

Guys will always want to have sex with other women, most just don't see a good oppurtunity to do so (there's always the guilt afterwards or the chance of being caught) when they have a girlfriend or wife. You gave him permission and were even there to observer, and thus he is at NO fault.

[Killerbabe]

I wasn't playing headgames, up to that point I was quite turned on, I even thought i wanted to see him be with her. I had know idea the emotions that followed, and after I said yes and they were going at it I didn't know how to stop it. We have been talking and he understands how i feel and is deeply sorry and like I said I told him I am not mad at him or angry just having a lot of doubts and insecurities and need some time. I was hoping for more insight on why i am feeling this way, wasn;t expecting everyone to say i'm in the wrong here. Thanks anyway

Problemgirl,

As girl I understand how you feel of course. But I think I know why you did this... I think you're slightly masochistic, and secretly enjoy being the victim. You're right - you're probably insecure and I bet you sort of "like" imagining that your boyfriend is cheating on you. You want to know that he loves you and only you, so you challenge him with a threesome, thinking it would turn you on. In reality, you just can't believe that he loves you that much and you want to put him to a test and when he fails it, you want to say triumphantly "I knew it!!! Bastard!" Afterwards feel very sorry for yourself and throw yourself a nice pity party.

Truth is, as everyone said, he was just drunk. And unfortunately (or fotunately?) guys don't give so much scrupulous thought to their actions, especially when it comes to sex. You have to understand that having sex with that girl didn't mean anything to him, not on an emotional level. He didn't have sex with her because you can't fulfill his desires, either. He did it because she was right there, they had already started fooling around, and she was just like means of getting to an orgasm. He sort of used her instead of his hand.

But I feel bad for you though. That sucks, anyway. Hope you get over it as soon as possible.

[Marlo]

I'm not really educated on 3somes, but shouldn't ALL 3 of you been together in some form all at the same time? Not just him and her?

[some1there]

I can't be arsed reading everyone else's replies...but...

These things have huge impacts on relationships, either make or break a relationship. Couples are really eager to keep their sex life stimulating and exciting and its natural to consider these "kinky" things.

I guess it's not always too easy to anticipate your reaction before the actual event. Obviously, during the actual act you've realised a jealously of another women having sex with your man.

Unfortunately, your going to have to chalk this one down to experience. The alcohol probably made you feel over confident about the situation too. Therefore, you shouldn't really blame yourself (or your bf for that matter as you encouraged him).

[JennyMac]

Hey,

I know you seem to be freaking out But you must also remember that men and women are just basically wired differently. Most (and mean most, but not all) women do not have the capacity to separate sex from emotion. Most men are not like that. Love/Emotion and sex are two totally different things. They can have sex and not have any feelings at all for the person they are having sex with, a mechanical arousing response, basically the same as if they were masturbating, but feels better. Get what I mean? They can totally separate the two most of the time, and most of us simply can't do that ie: Sex=Emotional connection. You should sit down and have a very detailed discussion about what happened. Tell him you are upset and it wasn't how you thought it would be. Make him tell you everything that he felt and what he thought about her and work it out, sister! You told him he could. I know you are in emotional turmoil right now, but if you listen to him and understand that he probably didn't feel anything at all about this girl, you will be better off. Understand that he didn't "make love" to her, he had SEX with her, there is a HUGE difference.

Jennifer

[Cybog]