Originally Posted by
uncertain777
If I meet her in person... I may just fall apart. I know she will end up crying, and she will do anything she can to mend the relationship.... but I don't want to yo-yo back and forth. I want to break up with her, but am afraid I will take a step back and apologize if I see her cry in person. Right now I am contemplating what to say, and I feel sick to my stomach, knowing I will be willingly hurting her feelings for my own selfish reasons...
NOT breaking up with someone as soon as you are sure you don't share their feelings is by far more cruel.
Yes, breakups suck. Yes, you are going to need to bear the brunt of her anger, sadness, tears, etc b/c you are the one wanting the split.
In person is best if you can. Phone is a far second, but sometimes necessary due to distance. But don't be a coward if you actually have the opportunity to do this face to face. Do it someplace pseduo-private (i.e. a quiet, but public place if you think she'll freak out).
I think one can tell a lot about someone by how they treat their exes (or exes to be). Be honest, but be kind. Thank her for the good times. Wish her well. Tell her that your breakup is NOT a judgement about her as a person, just that you don't feel there's a good fit for a *relationship*. Do NOT give her any reason for false hope if there is none. Break up with class & let her keep her dignity without sacrificing yours.
Second thoughts can generally be amended with judicious action; injudicious actions can seldom be recovered with second thoughts.
--Cyteen by C.J.Cherryh