French kissing a friend...

[peshkunta]

Killerbabe, "good"...LOL...
What kinda response is that : )

[Jay-Tea]

must've been good then :0) if it's confusing, ask...talk to him about it :0) or simply tell him how you felt. maybe then he'll want to tell you how he felt too

[peshkunta]

No, I'm a guy, not a girl.

The first time after it happened I stopped the kiss after a short time and was like, "I gotta go to bed" and I left. We never talked about it and I liked it that way. I didn't wanna discuss it at all - didn't wanna complicate things. I didn't really talk to her the next day although the whole day we were together with other mutual friends of ours. (I never talked to her first - when we first met she started talking to me and initiated the friendship.) That same day she asked me, "Why didn't you talk to me the whole day?" I didn't really give an answer, but turned it around with the comment that she didn't talk to me. I don't know why I didn't talk to her, but I think I felt weird about the whole thing happening. We were supposed to be friends - and you don't just make out with your friend like that. She tryed to talk about it with slight hints, but I just brushed them off by changing the subject or in another clever way, but in a way that it wouldn't be noticeable that I'm avoiding it. I don't know how we got to even do it again and this time it lasted "forever" (over half an hour - and I mean, not separating our lips, or taking brakes, or even stopping for a second). You know how you talk and all of a sudden you stop talking and just look at each other and then you slowly get closer and closer. Then when we got really close it was happening slow and we weren't saying a word. As our faces almost touched I closed my eyes to kinda hint to her to close hers to numb the tension. And she seemed to understand, because she closed hers, too. I never knew friends could kiss so passionately. My lips hurt after that and were swolen. And again, we never talked about it. We would e-mail and stuff after that and for the first time she finished her e-mail with "I love you, *and her name here*" Usually she would finish with "Love" or "Love ya" - you know like friends. Although we were friends, she always thought I was "very conseited" (I'm not sure why). And I would openly talk about other girls with her (we were still "friends" right!?) And she would tell me that someone liked her and I would tell her to go for it, like a friend would. Well, somehow she distanced herself from me and wouldn't freely talk to me. Then it got really weird and we started acting like strangers. When we would see eachother we wouldn't talk unless there was someone there we mutually knew that we were both talking to. In the very begining of this phase when we still e-mailed she stopped even finishing her e-mails with "Love" or "Love ya." It kinda changed to "bye" or "gotta go."

To be continued...

Let me know what you think so far and then I'll tell you how it ended.
Thanks!

Me:

[URL=http://www.members.aol.com/ilievbub/private/peteriliev/index.html]http://www.members.aol.com/ilievbub/private/peteriliev/index.html[/URL]

A temporary link.

[Jay-Tea]

yikes! sorry! thought you're a "she"! so sorry!

hmmmm....one question.... do you want her just as a friend and nothing more? or do you want her to be your girlfriend? or (worse) are you you willing to lose her? you see, the more you avoid talking about "the incident" the more distant both of you will become. and believe me, before you know it, you'll end up pretending to be "strangers" to each other. you'll never know what the other person feels and vice versa unless you talk about it. i know it's quite difficult but it's the only way...unless if it's ok with you to just grow cold towards each other or if both of you just pretend like nothing happened and still remain to be the kind of friends you used to be. i think your friend has feelings for you more than friendship. it's just quite awkward for a girl to initiate talking about it. so i guess it's mosty up to you

[peshkunta]

This should answer your questions:

After a while we started seeing eachother less and less untill finally we weren't talking at all. One time we saw eachother at "an event" and there were mutual friends of ours and we talked a little, but it wasn't like a normal frendship talk - it was different, weird in a way, like the atmosphere was that we knew so much and so much was unsaid. The thing is, non of our mutual friends even know what happened. I have told my best friend and that's about it; and she doesn't know him. So, it's like we have that secret and noone knows what happened. After a long while we kept seeing eachother at different places and what we were doing at the time required us to be in the same atmosphere of people. During that time something hit me and I think I developed feelings for that girl. After one of the events, I saw her and I felt so weird that we used to be friends and now we are not talking anymore. So, I wrote her an e-mail and in it was this: "...It's so weird that we're not taking anymore. Like we met yesterday or something. Kinda like with Audrey except you don't like me that way, do you?" [Audrey was a mutual friend of ours that liked me as more than a friend, but I told her that I would like us to just be friends and she ruined our friendship and isn't talking to me]. When I asked the question, I was hoping she would tell me if she likes me "that way"/as more than a friend, or not. Well she ignored the question totally. Then one time she was going to come to "an event" that I was going to and I told her that if she comes, after the "event" we could go to a movie or something. She didn't come. Then, in one e-mail, in between everything else I said, I also wrote: "You know it's crazy, but I think I have feelings for you." Again ignored it like I have never said it...I'm not saying she didn't write back, but when she answered my e-mail she didn't mention anything about this. I thought that was silly, because it's not gonna kill me if she mentions it and sais that she doesn't feel more than friendship towards me. In fact I take those things so lightly that I'm really amazed. I have friends that suffer when that happenes to them, but I would be more than happy to just be her friend. So I thought I'll put an end to this silliness and ask her straght up in this letter. First I'll explain what I'm talking about in the begining: I've lost alot of friends just because they wanted to be more than friends and I didn't, and It's hard sometimes for me to make new friends because they turn weird on me and are mad at me for no reason. In my post "Problems with girls at work!" in the "General discussion" section I kinda explain my situaion with girls. So, I wrote her about my problem and she gave me an advice and she basically said that I need to show interest in their lives and to put effort, not wait for them to do everything, so this is what I answered:
***
"Hey,

Look, I don't even have time to be interested in them, by the time I start being interested in their lives, they are already not talking to me. You are no different then they are. You were the one that started talking to me in the first place and had you not done it, I would have known you today same as I know the other girls that walk down the halls. And then you got weird and stopped talking to me which was fine for a while but then I think I developed feelings for you and wanted to know why. I hinted in one letter with when I mentioned Audrey and said "but, you don't like me that way, do you?" expecting you'd say "no, I don't like you that way" or "yes, I like you that way" and you totally ignored me, then I told you that I think I have feelings for you in another letter and again you totally ignored me, which was very unnecessary. You should have just told me, "Peter, I don't like you that way, I like you just as a friend" and I would have smiled and said, "Let's be friends than!" God is my witness, I won't get hurt at all - I don't know why I'm like that, but I don't suffer like other people do - I take things like that very lightly, and would love to be just your friend that's all that matters in the first place. That's why I couldn't understand why Audrey couldn't just be my friend. I always wanted to have a friend (a girl) who I could share everything with and tell her about the girls I like and she would try and help me with them and stuff and tell me what to do and what not to, and she would tell me about the guys she likes and I would help her, too..............................
Take care sweetness, Peter
"
***
She answered me with this e-mail:
***
"....... no, i don't like you and i'm sorry i blew you off. but i
know you are never serious about things, and, as you said, wouldn't really care either way so i just didn't even address it.
i've got a headache so i'm going to go bury my head in a pillow and cry, or just smash it to pieces w/ a hammer. i havn't decided yet. you have a good night."
***
I thought that was fine and I was hoping we could be friends and start talking again, but she stopped writing to me or wanting to spend time with me. I don't understand, I'm not asking anything of her...a friends love is unconditional love. She could be in love with another guy and I would still wanna be her friend because I enjoy her company. I don't understand what's so wrong with that.

[Jay-Tea]

guess the best thing you can do about this is talk to her face to face. make your approach gentle and appropriate. be careful not to embarass her or appear offensive in any way. be sensitive

[peshkunta]

I don't think there is anything more to talk about. She was quite clear in her answer.

I don't get it, it seems she doesn't want to be more than friends, but she doesn't want to be friends either. The thing is that she was the one that started our friendship, not me.

If she is not physically attracted to me, then how could she FRENCH kiss me for so long and not only once. It just makes no sense.

In fact she has told me before that I have "very beautiful eyes," and that I look like a "Calvin Klein model." One time she was telling me that she had gone to a party and had met some really nice guy and she had alot of fun and that he had beautiful eyes...and she then said, "But he wasn't as beautiful as you"

I mean, how can she not like me when she said all that!?!?!

I got to talk to her recently and she told me she got a boyfriend. So I asked her, "So, is he cute?" And she goes, "Ummnnn, he treats me nice." She couldn't even say he was cute. Then, she goes "Hot guys they treat you like crap"

I can't understand why she did this and doesn't like me. Or does she? I don't understand why women run away from me -- I'm not a monster.


Me:
[URL=http://www.members.aol.com/ilievbub/private/peteriliev/index.html]http://www.members.aol.com/ilievbub/private/peteriliev/index.html[/URL]
A temporary link.

[Jay-Tea]

There must be something in your actions or the way you act around girls that gives them the wrong impression about you. Based on what you said, i'm quite convinced she has feelings for you...more than friendship.
You have two choices: ignore it and pretend that it never happened (besides she has a boyfriend already) OR deal with it and get rid with your confusion once and for all. If you choose the second option, there's no other way but to talk to her and ask what's wrong. Or you could simply tell her you don't want to lose your friendship. Either ways, just be completely honest. You might still not get the exact results you want right away. But believe me, you will get her thinking...and you'll spare yourself from bigger "regrets".

[peshkunta]

I just don't want to pressure her. What if she doesn't have feelings for me?!

Audrey the mutual friend of ours that stopped talking to me because I rejected her, told me that she had told Audrey that I was "like a brother" to her. I was surprised because she had said that after all that happened. When Audrey told me that I was thinking to myself, "Ohm, is that how she kisses her brother!"

I think I should let it go...I've tried. I can't make her be my friend if she doesn't want to be and I don't want to make anyone do anything they don't want to.

[Killerbabe]

*Killerbabe takes a huge bammer and bangs it against peshkunta's head*

HELLO?? Any contact with the real world?! Insensitivity? Check. Inferiority complexes come in contact with misunderstanding? Check. You silly little thing~!!! You don't know nothing! So sit quiet and liten to ME.

I can totally relate to how this poor girl feels. She obviously has a HUGE CRUSH on you and she is MORE THAN just physically attracted to you - she loves you. A perfect love - friendship+mutual(!) attraction. You think friends can't be lovers?! That's stupid! Freinds are the best lovers!!! That girl obiously is SUFFERING now! You act as if you don't have feelings for her by asking LEADING questions such as "I hope you DON'T have any feelings for me, right?" then of course, she tries to ignore it!! If she says "yes" she'll lie, if she says "no" (that is she does have feelings for you) then you'll tell her that you don't have feelings for her. So she just tries to escape it by ignoring you all the time - she hopes that the less she sees you, the less she likes you. She's just trying to get over you, cause you made her believe that you DON'T like her!!! It's very hard to be friends with someone you're in love with, trust me, I know. I tried to be friends with my ex for overa year and nothing good turned out, believe me.

"....... no, i don't like you and i'm sorry i blew you off. but i
know you are never serious about things, and, as you said, wouldn't really care either way so i just didn't even address it.
i've got a headache so i'm going to go bury my head in a pillow and cry, or just smash it to pieces w/ a hammer. i havn't decided yet. you have a good night."
***
She's screaming for help!! That poor girl!! "I'm sorry I blew you offf" of course...she was just trying to fall out of love by not seeing you, and is quite surprised that you even CARE. She told you that you wouldn't even care either way, now HERE she is obviously accusing you of indifference. She thinks that you don't have feelings for her, so it wouldn't e such a big deal for you if you guys wouldn't be together - you're fine with being friends. Now if you really love her, trust me (tyou might not realize it yourself), it would be really hard to be simply friends, so you two would end up making out all the time. So stop fooling yourself around and face the truth, if you like her, you should tell her (face to face)and apologize for being such a bone head.

The second part abput the letter - she has a headache and she wants to cry? She's depressed!!! She's not alright!! And you didn't get the CUE!! Of course she'll try to ignore you until, you my dear, will stop acting as though you're fine with things just as they are. The choice is up to you. Stay friends and make her suffer unconditional love (torturous feeling trust me), or you could engage yourself into something more which you definitely want, darling.

There. Phew. Get it? Got it? Good. Now run and call her or something. Or better see her. Forget about her "boyfriend".

[peshkunta]

I'm confused.



I never said: "I hope you DON'T have any feelings for me, right?"
I just was letting her know that she should hook up with that guy that likes her. He is her best friend and he is crazy about her. They've known eachother forever. She said that she doesn't have any feelings for him beyound friendship, though.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say to her. If you are wrong that would suck so bad. And how do you know all this?

What should I say to her?

PS Your response was very cute, except the part with the hammer banging against my head.

[Zekk_T_Strife]

What's a bammer? Is it like a hammer? Does it hurt or is it cushioned?

[peshkunta]

Thanks, Zekk, you're big help.

Makes me wish I could delete posts....

[Killerbabe]

I meant hammer.

[Zekk_T_Strife]

Whoa, relax buddy, I was just making fun of Killers post. No need to get excited.