scared, lost, confused and broken

[Chazza2k]

Hey Tech thats not a nice position to be in and I hope the legal problems you can work out, just keep fighting.

Theres alot of simularity about your story and how things played out with me and my Ex GF. She had a history of mental problems (manic depression) a very difficult childhood and had a string of failed relationships and a 6yo child. Im pretty niave but i did fall for in love with her, like you id describe myself the opposite of a player, reserved and also im in IT. We didnt last and it all ended when she met someone else...

You say you would often go home or leave when she would confront you or get angry, I'd do the same, I found thats probably a mistake, in my case every time I backed off things would escalate. I thought I was being calm and didnt want to upset her any more but in my case she saw it as a form of rejection, me leaving etc. You also said she told you she was "comfortable" and felt "sane" with you, the Ex told me the exact same line... Perhaps she appricated the support you were providing, money, emotional support and the encouragament. Why contact the guy for the one night stand? probably to see your reaction and how you'd deal with her, I suspect she is very insecure about everything?

I'd agree with shheadz here totally, these kind of women literally suck the life out of every man they get involved with, when you fall for someone its so hard to remain objective you see things so one sided. Try stepping back and thinking, actions tend to be much more genuine than any kind word she ever told you. As for why would she do this to you after everything you did for her? Who knows its probably just the way she is and always will be. Dont waste time on trying to make sense out of it, you'll probably get a few answers blaming her bad past etc, but really now thats her issues to deal with and not yours.

Best of luck with the court case, remember to keep fighting and don't stoop down to her levels in this, when its all over with and it will be, move forward and dont ever look back.

[lhn]

Chazza2k and shheadz are both correct and I can't really add anything further tbh.

It sounds like your typical case of someone offering the world and delivering nothing. You end up with the worst bitter taste because... did any of it mean anything?! was any of it real?!.
Like Chazza said, try not to make sense of it. You wont be able to. Just try your best to move on and mentally prepare yourself for the court case. As crappy as the court system can be, its rarely wrong. Stick to the whole truth and you should come out fine. lets just hope she sees sense before it gets to court. Would save a lot of hassle and stress.

[Gigabitch]

Hey Tech. Remember I told you my brother was going through the same thing? Well, his case went really well. The judge basically threw it right out, since it was so obvious his ex was lying.

[Tech]

Glad to hear that gigabitch. im VERY happy for you. VERY happy for you Good job.

unfortunately in the UK, the rules are more stricter than the states. Given the fact of what had happened at xmas time, there is no way the judge will throw it out. its definately heading for the trial and dates will be confirmed in march.

im just so lost and scared as I said. words cannot describe that feeling at all. there "is a case" to answer they say over here which means, at no point will the case be dropped especially since it involves a serious (but minor) charge against a woman (domestic) which never happened any way!

[Gigabitch]

His case wasn't dropped- it went all the way to court. The judge heard both sides and determined that there was no way her version of events could have happened and that was that. This could happen to you, Tech. Don't give up hope. You didn't beat her and it's possible that the courts will see this.

Judges don't actually look too kindly on women using the court system, wasting taxpayers' money, just to punish their exes.

[Tech]

well I would hope so. but in today's society it is common for men to "abuse" women sadly and do the things she has alleged. she knows i dont believe in things like that which again is one of many reasons why she fell for me as its just not within me, not my nature.

i just hope and pray it will get dropped (unlikely) or I win.

[kai]

Wow, that's one f*cked up situation. I hope you'll get out clean.

[Tech]

indeed its messed up but dont think ill get out clean to be honest. im so messed up in the mind because of her. makes no sense.

[whyme87]

Wow.Good luck.I feel for you.
I know the feeling of being messed up in the mind.My heads a mess and i'm sick of not sleeping.

Really I hope all goes well my friend.

[Tech]

my "story" just isnt believable is it? ive just had someone say that to me.
great. just...great.
just as i thought/suspected that even though you try to be a good person and know you are, is never good enough. i may as well just plead guilty and not only get a record as well as the punishment, but also be on the offenders list for something i did not do.

[Tech]

damn. i still keep seeing/remembering how great we were and what we usually do together, me being a gent and taking her out, having a break away from her kids. be it going for a walk, or watching a movie, or taking her out for a meal.

I still remember that during the summer, I took her to this little place which had a small river stream and a shopping mall around it, with restaurants outside and we sat outside of one of the restaurants and had dinner. was absolutely wonderful, and remember seeing smiles on her face and how she held my hand.

Then we would come back to mine and just curl up on the sofa together, before getting ready for bed.

jeez. i really should shoot myself. all the things ive ever dreamt about I did with that woman and meant heck of a lot to me, and her. what a waste.

[curves222]

Hi--

I'm sorry to hear you are in such pain. I agree with the others on this board that it sounds like she is pretty damaged and, in a sick way, wants to keep it that way. Sometimes it is easier to stay with "what you know", than change for the better.

Much as we humans want to believe in "forever", it doesn't necessarily exist. I have no doubt she was sincere in all her talks with you when she told you of her love and undying devotion, but people can change.

That doesn't mean we have to stop trying or stop believing in people. It just means we need to always be able to rely on ourselves also...for our own happiness and own self worth.

As hard as it is, do not have any more contact with this women at all...even if she contacts you first. You're in trouble and you need to preserve your own welfare.

I know you thought she was the right women for you and I know how terribly it hurts to find out she is not. You're not alone and, it's hard to believe now, but I promise the pain will lessen over time.

[IndiReloaded]

Tech, if you are really going to court you'd better delete your thread (just delete the first post you made). Despite the directions against, juries DO research the internet & your post has enough specifics that it could be found.

Just saying.

[Tech]

thanks. I appreciate that.

you maybe right indiReloaded but the jury wont know anything about this or who is involved until about maybe 2 weeks before the trial. but they still would have to stick to the facts given on the day and nothing else.

i will edit the first post and if anyone wants to ask what it was, feel free to PM me.

[IndiReloaded]

Yes, but the mighty Google crawls non-stop these days. If you left it much longer it would definitely be cached, might already be. Hopefully not, good luck with everything.