3 1/2 Years. And so it ended...

[bluesummer]

Well see, I'm trying to enlighten you.

What can you do to cope? Don't contact her. Get involved in some hobbies to take your mind off it. Talk to your friends. Maybe start talking to your mom again. It sounds like you need family support, and you really need to re-establish that connection, even if only for your own good right now.

[vashti]

You're telling me this, and yea it isen't making me feel any better at all. What can I do to cope? All these explanations of the situation but no solution to the problem. "Just move on" is very easy to say, I have to have a method of coping. What can I do for myself? What ever happened to true love? Have people not been together all of their life after high school before? It's happened, my grandparents are prime examples of this.

I respect your opinions and analysis, but I really need some way to cope. Dissecting this precious part of my life and shooting realism to me enlights me, but it dosen't make me feel any better.

That's like telling me my grandfather died. He's dead, he's not coming back, deal with it.

Well, sorry, but there is not any other way to deal with this except through the passage of time. That is the only thing that will make you feel better. Your grandparents may have been high school sweethearts, but the vast majority of people do not marry their high school sweethearts. Haven't you heard that times have changed?

[clynn]

Yes, I know lots of people that married their high school sweethearts. They are in very strong and stable relationships. I also know lots of people that didn't marry their high school sweethearts.

Yes, it is akin to someone telling you that somebody has died.

When you break up with someone it is like a death. You lose the person and you will grieve and you will go through many of the same emotions as one does when grieving a death.

Only thing is - add to that the fact that the person is still alive. So you also sometimes feel unrealistic hopes and expectations. You also feel rejection and the pain that comes with that.

It really sucks. A lot. And it probably will for a while. But one day, in the future, you will start to feel better.

Also, I hurt very much when my heart has been broken, and I'm a girl. I don't think that it is fair to say that guys hurt more than girls do or take longer to get over it than girls do.

Ususally it depends which side of the break up you were on.

[DutchBoY]

That's like telling me my grandfather died. He's dead, he's not coming back, deal with it.

Welcome to real life. The sooner you realise that life isn't about second chances and self pity, the better you're off. I've seen some shit in my life, I've been through hell the last couple of years, and I know where you're coming from. From that point of view, "deal with it" is the only sane thing to say. In which way you want to deal with it is something you have to figure out for yourself. Your best bet is to get your mind off things by engaging in other activities. Just make sure you're not running away from your feelings, cause eventually they'll catch up with you and deal the damage tenfold. So ye, deal with it.

[FreeAgent2098]

Well.. I bought a big batch of red roses, just looking at them makes me happy I'm not so bummed out anymore, things always work out

[bluesummer]

There you go. That's a start.

[FreeAgent2098]

I've been doing a lot of thinking. And it's going to take me a week to change into a better person. I know now why I did the things I did. Im 19, almost 20. I think it's time for me to learn. I'm going to give her a week before I talk to her. I'll tell her that i've changed. It would be foolish not to, almost 4 years is not something you can throw away so easily.

Well. I bought her the ring. I'm going to wait a week, tell her how I feel, that I will never hurt her like I have before, and then i'll give her the new promise ring. And if she dosen't take, well, I still have the receipt, and experience to move on.

I ****ed up. yes. but I need to forgive myself before I can go to her.

Here is the ring I bought her...

[url]http://www.kay.com/images/en_US/products/detail/021737200.jpg[/url]

[bluesummer]

Whoa there. You obviously have not been thinking about this as long and hard as you say. Nobody 'changes' in a week. Maybe you realize your faults, but it takes time to exercise your new train of thought before you can consider yourself truly changed.

I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be harsh, but you reallly really sound like you are talking and acting out of sheer desperation right now. A week solves nothing. When we say take some time, we're talking a month minimum, and even that's probably not enough.

[crazyhorse]

what will be will be my friend. it would be nice to think she will come back to you but she wont if you force the issue. show her you have a life apart from her. if you are too intense she will back away like a caged tiger, second chances are rare, dont blow it, ps the ring is a big no no at this moment in time, keep it for a while, u need some chill time, so does she. if she loves u and wants to be with u in future she will let u know, u cant make it happen. good luck

[clynn]

I wouldn't propose if I were you.

[fauglo]

I've been doing a lot of thinking. And it's going to take me a week to change into a better person. I know now why I did the things I did. Im 19, almost 20. I think it's time for me to learn. I'm going to give her a week before I talk to her. I'll tell her that i've changed. It would be foolish not to, almost 4 years is not something you can throw away so easily.

Well. I bought her the ring. I'm going to wait a week, tell her how I feel, that I will never hurt her like I have before, and then i'll give her the new promise ring. And if she dosen't take, well, I still have the receipt, and experience to move on.

I ****ed up. yes. but I need to forgive myself before I can go to her.

Here is the ring I bought her...

[url]http://www.kay.com/images/en_US/products/detail/021737200.jpg[/url]

You can definitely return the ring? I sure hope so. If I were you I'd use the money for some therapy and after a few sessions (in about 2-3 months), you can go to her and tell her you've changed and are working on issues through therapy. That would mean more to me than a ring, but maybe that's just me. My guess is after 2-3 months you will feel differently too, and time can only help you feel better and to grow on your own. IF you've never been single, now is the time! Welcome to becoming an adult.

[jaslovesant]

I've been reading this thread because it's so important for this lad to get over the big changes, has anyone heard from him? Is he ok?

[Rob26]

I'm curious, too.

[clynn]

Perhaps he is too busy planning the wedding.............