Confused after 4 years with older man

[molly930]

Thanks so much for this wonderful response. You're 100% right about depression, and your candour is quite appreciated.

[molly930]

Thanks so much for your post! I was actually 19 when I met him-- I'll be 24 this year. I very much appreciate your comments, though, and you're quite right.

[molly930]

He has, and he really does want to change. He's had a few false starts-- quitting, doing well, and then sort of having a relapse. He is, though, very open to trying.

[Wakeup]

He has, and he really does want to change. He's had a few false starts-- quitting, doing well, and then sort of having a relapse. He is, though, very open to trying.

Molly, I'm not sure which of your replies goes with which response but I'm going to respond to the one above because I feel in your thoughts,you're being too concerned with what he has/is doing and in your concern for him, you're neglecting yourself and what you have to do to make yourself happy with your lot.

This poem is a good one for you to cut out and put on your vanity mirror so you see it every morning before you start your day:

grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

Al-anon will help You to accept the things you cannot change and the strength to make your own changes (for yourself) if he won't get professional help with his addiction.. Starting and Stopping is just another symptom of his desease... It means nothing as long as he keeps starting again.

Be well and look after yourself first through eductation about codependency, enabling and alchololism... You can't help him unless he wants to Truly help himself.

[Rowen]

Completely disagree with this statement. It matters tremendously and can mean the difference between life and death.

Depends on how you mean that... If you mean by someone trying to be supportive and a doctor, yes. However, what I meant was that it's an internal battle. No one can fight it for you. Thus, in the end, the person can have all the support they need, but it doesn't necessarily mean that they'll make it, sadly...