How to forgive him?

[purple flowers]

Thank you all SO much for your straightforward answers. I wish I'd found this board right after I left him....for a couple of months there I fell into a depression so deep, I let this one person's feelings about me destroy my sense of self-worth. I've been keeping a journal of my feelings ever since things started to go foul but months of writing in that hasn't helped me as much as a couple of posts in this forum.

I do realize that he's pathetic and that I should feel sorry for him. One of my friends thinks he's one chromosome away from being a serial killer. Seriously. But it still pisses me off that an asshole like that could reject me and that anger keeps me from really feeling sorry for him. Does that make sense?

I guess I just feel like, right or wrong, I have to forgive him in order to move on emotionally. That's just me though. Gandhi syndrome maybe. Who knows.

Carl, you are a sage indeed.

And Indi, LMAO....you are so right on! Boo hoo sleaze boy doesn't want me. I should be glad and eventually will be.

[Cain]

I wanted to stay friends with my ex when we first broke up, but you can't be friends with someone that you don't have respect for or doesn't respect you.

You were around him for so long that you have a hard time letting go completely. You're willing to hold on to him any way you can, even if you wouldn't have considered being friends with him had you never dated.

[Smack02]

Hi,

Your look must be paid enough attention. He will be more likely to get back to you if you really know how to take care of your looks. Make a proper inquire in the concerned group to know whether he will respond positively when heard your words “I want you back”.

[plexus]

I had been wanting to post about the topic of "communicating to outsiders" and this a great thread to bring it up. The idea comes from relationship therapy and is covered in the book "it is your parents fault" (the title is tongue-in-cheek). the idea is that when you communicate to outsiders, meaning people outside of your relationship, you run a high risk of reinforcing your own self-righteousness. This can also downplay your own role in the relationship problems. For example in the original post, purple flowers said that her ex lost his sex drive and was "probably cheating". then, in subsequent posts by other people much was said about him being a cheater. doesnt sound like we know that he was actually cheating. maybe his side of the story can tell us why he lost his sex drive? maybe it was just some bastardly thing. maybe there wasnt a reason for it. afterall, there are posts about people who dont want to have sex with their partners because of emotional problems in the relationship, a common problem.

there are two sides to every story and it can valuable to not fixate on your own perspective. as hard as it is to accept and acknowledge, each party has a role to play and if you explore it honestly, you might find that there are good reasons why your partner pulls away.