Made things awkward - need help

[searock]

You guys are happy now but you worked hard at that and, your boyfriend (if I remember correctly) was confused with why you were waiting so long to finally give in. I understand why he would be now because sleeping with someone you're doing everything but intercourse with would make any guy confused, IMO.

Cheers, Sea.

He wasn't confused because we slept in the same bed. At the time, we both knew that it was way too early to get to the next level. The confusion bit happened a couple months later, in a different situation. Actually when he was confused, I was too: we both felt that the time was right, but external reasons were stopping me from "giving in". That's why it felt "wrong" (to both of us): we still wanted the same thing, which was to have sex, but didn't get it because of external reasons (which btw we also got over through communication).

Anyway, the point is that during the first month and a half of our relationship, it felt perfectly right to sleep in the same bed without having sex (not even foreplay!) - because we both knew what we wanted and we knew we wanted the same thing : ).

I think the foreplay bit is the most confusing thing, not so much the sleeping together bit. They were having heated foreplay while sleeping in the same bed after a great night, pretty much anyone would have thought that they were about to have intercourse, in a similar situation. Which is why, as I said, unless they had previously discussed it, the OP's partner had no reason to take offense.

[Wakeup]

He wasn't confused because we slept in the same bed. At the time, we both knew that it was way too early to get to the next level. The confusion bit happened a couple months later, in a different situation. Actually when he was confused, I was too: we both felt that the time was right, but external reasons were stopping me from "giving in". That's why it felt "wrong" (to both of us): we still wanted the same thing, which was to have sex, but didn't get it because of external reasons (which we also got over through communication).

Anyway, the point is that during the first month and a half of our relationship, it felt perfectly right to sleep in the same bed without having sex - because we both knew what we wanted and we knew we wanted the same thing : ).

As I said, unless they had previously discussed it, the OP's date had no reason to take offense. Pretty much anyone would have thought that they were about to have intercourse, in a similar situation.

That's fine. We can agree to disagree. No harm in that. I however still think that had Op stayed out of her bed then he wouldn't be in this predicament nor would half the guys who post here who find themselves on the friends ladder ;o)

If I had a son, I'd councel him to never sleep with a girl that he's not yet had sex with because more times than not the action is misunderstoond by one or the other. Not only about if the gal is there to go all the way, but in false feelings being evoked.

She shouldn't be sleeping in your bed without expecting that you to think it might lead to sex, especially if she is naked. Her being offended is ridiculous, unless she is still a teenager and too stupid/inexperienced to know better.

Indeed! At the very least she should have been clear that she's not ready for intercourse. If nothing else, She's stupid to be angry with you for misunderstanding, Op. Red flag No. 1 as far as I'm concerned.

[searock]

Actually I agree, but I think that sleeping together with no sex is just one particular miscommunication problem, rather than a problem itself. If two persons have great communication skills and understand each other perfectly, the risk of misunderstandings and hurt feelings is pretty much non-existent even if they sleep together.

I think it goes like this: two persons don't understand each other --> each person doesn't understand what sleeping together means to the other person --> awkward situation. In most cases, bad communication and understanding is exactly what happens, so that's why it is, as a general "rule", preferable to not sleep together before sex.

Just not *all* the times - sometimes, there is perfect understanding and great communication, so "anything" can happen, with virtually no risk. JMO ; ).

[Wakeup]

Actually I agree, but I think that sleeping together with no sex is just one particular miscommunication problem, rather than a problem itself. If two persons have great communication skills and understand each other perfectly, the risk of misunderstandings and hurt feelings is pretty much non-existent even if they sleep together.

IMO lack of communication is the biggest reason why divorce rates are so high. Lack of communication is an epidemic so I suggest to all that you refrain from getting the wrong idea about your emotional connection and whether or not sex is going to happen by NOT sleeping with your cuddly bear until you are certain of your love for one another and you are having sex. Miscommunication as well as not knowing without a doubt that you love one another prior to sleeping to gether is the problem. Sleeping together gives you a bonding affect that gives you the wrong idea about someone before you have actually fallen for one another. I've seen it over and over and over again. You say it worked for you which is fine but it doesn't mean that it's the right thing to do because the Op's in forums shows that it is not. That this sort of thing happens often. In our day the guys would call her a cock-teaser. (as vile as that is.)

I think it goes like this: two persons don't understand each other --> each person doesn't understand what sleeping together means to the other person --> awkward situation. In most cases, bad communication and understanding is exactly what happens, so that's why it is, as a general "rule", preferable to not sleep together before sex.

Exactly so don't do it is my recommendation.

Just not *all* the times - sometimes, there is perfect understanding and great communication, so "anything" can happen, with virtually no risk. JMO ; ).

Yea, and how many people are blessed with 'perfect' understanding and communication abilities? *sighs* :o)

I suppose it's up to Op how he conducts himself... just something to think about in his future is all.

[smackie9]

The adult thing to do is communication. Stop her from walking to bed with you and communicate with her to what the intention is. If she can't discuss it like an adult and freaks out then that is a big fat red flag. She isn't mature enough to have an adult relationship with you. Dump her before she calls rape on you.....she's a flake.