Is he trying to screw with my head?!

[DarkAzrael]

DarkAzrael, that is THE only reason I would consider getting back with him - because I know that the turmoil and distress we went through from the miscarriage (it DEEPLY affected us both) was the turning point in our relationship. Everything about our relationship was perfect before that point. We just didn't know how to deal with what had happened. I wanted to get some counseling together, and he refused, so that probably says something. He kind of shoved it under the rug while I dealt with what happened and every emotion that comes along with it. That's just cruel of him to tell me he wanted me to get pregnant again, though and seemed sincere - and he told me if I did get pregnant, we would HAVE to be officially back together right then.

BUT, I don't think his motives behind speaking to me suddenly have anything to do with that, or me for that matter. They're all about him. And if he truly loved me, he would not have walked away from me. TWICE. He had his chances and threw me away both times. I will admit, though, that I had broken up with him twice before and he claims that the second time I did it, was the turning point in our relationship, not the pregnancy. So somehow I find myself blaming myself. UGH.

Well it's up to you what you do. I will say that letting your pride get in the way of you heart is something you end up regretting for life. At some point you have the break the cycle of "he hurt me so I have to hurt him". Life is too short to spend it looking back with regret and wondering.

What helped me get over the loss was having a funeral. It didn't seem right to me that someone so important "didn't exist". Having a funeral and burying the toys I had bought allowed me to move on and grieve.

If you say that he just suppressed his feelings and showed it all down deeply and ended up hurting you, I can speak from experience and say that the further down you push the pain the deeper it seeps into you. It eats away at you and tears you apart. You try to not show emotion or vulnerability because that's what we are told to do since childhood. Then when you're alone you spend all of your time crying alone.

He's probably still very in love with you, but scared out of his mind. More than that he probably beats himself up for failing you. He blames himself for you losing the baby and feels he should have been able to protect you, to fix everything.

As boys we are taught to never cry, to fix what is broken, and protect. Women will never really understand but the thought alone that he failed you makes him feel responsible, hurts him just as much as losing the baby.

[Thelovedoctor]

Maybe it's just me being very negative, but something is very fishy here, considering I know somebody who has done the same thing to his now ex-girlfriend as this guy is doing to you. each time, when he broke up with his girl, he was screwing around with other girls, and even banged a few when they were still together. Every single time he was done having his way with the girls he wanted, he would go kissing up to his girlfriend again with the same type of messages like "I miss you" and "I didn't mean to hurt you" e.t.c.

this happened every month or two, so your man may be ok, which in that case, if he is, I'd say you give him another chance, and if it happens a third time, stay broken up with him, and find yourself a new man.

[Heartstillfeels]

I think no contact and moving on was strong I also think that your questioning his motives about contacting you are good. Obviously you cared about him but have come to the realization that what he had to offer wasn't good enough. I think if he is interested he needs to get it together and be clear with you and I also think u r right it is about him... he hasn't thought about you. Keep strong and be proud of the boundries you have built. Also, because of the past ... it is easy to wonder what they are up to etc but you can't really tell other than he was lonely. Looks like he was feeling you out to see if you minded seeing him in person. I think your response was good.