need a mans opinion

[mindsecho]

I wouldnt be totally opposed to counseling but he is into this catholic church counseling..sorry...if we are going to talk to someone i want to talk to a PROFESSIONAL not a priest or sister. And he insists that it isnt him that needs help its me that needs help with my "anger" issues with him...well DUH after 8 years of this crap, YES I AM ANGRY about being shoved aside all the time! Basicly unless i see changes soon, i will give up and move on...i have been hurt over and over..he's always sorry when its too late and the time cant be regained. And G he was reading your post because he wanted to make sure people were saying i was wrong and he was right basicly. Time will tell i guess...hopefully he will pull his head out of his ass...i'm waiting to hear that "popping sound" when he does

[GrkScorp]

Definitely a lot of anger bottled up.., and that's understandable.., that's what happens with miscommunication & misunderstanding.., everything keeps building up.., inside.., all this pressure.., and then either here and there.., or just one day.., BAM! it has to come out.., as for casting blame back and forth.., that's good.., it's funny how long both of you may go at it.., until you realize something about that back and forth.., that it's not one-way.., communication works both ways.., communicating.., and understanding.., and if both of those don't work together.., there's a breakdown in the whole process..

You BOTH need to effectively communicate to the other person.., and you BOTH need to effectively understand the other person..., a breakdown in the process is not just one person's fault..

Best,

GrkScorp

[vashti]

If my kid's family was about to fall apart, I think even *I* would be willing to see a priest for counseling before I took the jump. What harm could it cause? You can still be mad afterwards if you want.

I think he may be right about your anger issues.

[GrkScorp]

And G he was reading your post because he wanted to make sure people were saying i was wrong and he was right basicly.

You are both equally wrong.., as you both are equally right.., but if you both knew that.., then there wouldn't be any misunderstanding now hmm?

[bohemiandonut]

I feel like counseling will only be another way for you guys to try to prove eachother wrong. Divorce is rough on a kid but so is a hostile home environment where Mommy and Daddy are constantly undermining eachother.

By the way, if guy is reading I hope he realizes that from what you posted, he sounds like an ass. If I were in his position, I wouldn't be concerned with who is right, but rather that you feel this way about things. If he cares about this family unit he will be willing to work with you to save it. But maybe he's too busy having dinner with his uncle.

Ugh.

[Lipp]

In my experience choices and prioritizing can act as a good indicator of a person's interest (which sucks since a girl I got a crush on hasn't shown any interest in tagging along to events...Oh well), and while it might sometimes be temporary it does seem as if he prioritizes work (unless he explains why rather than a simple "Nah, I got to work" each time) and family more it is very possible that he has lost interest.

So, to go from there I'd always suggest that talking things through is the best approach (am personally sick and tired of a relationship with someone who never wants to talk things through, just ignore and let it fester), and if he blatantly refuses to talk it through in a sensible manner he's a bastard or it was a poorly chosen time to do it.

If you prefer to avoid a conflict you could try to take measures to spice things up in the relationship and see whether he responds to it, but that requires more creativity and can be difficult to go through with.

At the end of the day, what you should avoid is the relationship turning from an affectionate couple to a couple who just live together and stop caring for one another.

Hope it helps.

[Gigabitch]

Your son is learning how to be a man by his example. This is how he will treat his girlfriends in the future, and the mother of your grandchildren.

Either go to counseling (and a priest will tell you you're both going to hell for living in sin, just so you know) or leave him, but whatever you do, do NOT get into another relationship before you learn to start respecting yourself.

This isn't just about your lame-ass boyfriend. It's about you and what you expect. This hasn't gone on for eight years without you putting up with it. Eight ****ing years and you're just sick of it NOW? You've contributed to this circumstance.

Before you walk out, make sure you've got somewhere better to go or you're going to end up with another chode just like the one you've already got.

[anachronistic]

If my kid's family was about to fall apart, I think even *I* would be willing to see a priest for counseling before I took the jump. What harm could it cause? You can still be mad afterwards if you want.

I think he may be right about your anger issues.

There's only one song to sing for this occasion.


*CLAP*

Billie Jean is not my lover *sucking whine*

[Tashi]

Wow, sounds... horrible.

From what i understood of this, he is one of these "friends lasts forever, but girlfriends doesn't"-types. That is pretty much the lamest qoute I've EVER heard. I bet you will stay with your girlfriend for FAR longer than you will with your friends, especially if you are married and have kids. This man, is a kid. To me he sounds like a cross between a 15 years old, who treats his girlfriend like a trophy, and a 70 years old man, who no longer cares about a sexual relationship.

I do, however, fail to see WHY he would keep you. As a trophy? no human being deserves to be treated that way, and if he did indeed read this, and still think what he is doing is right, he is not someone you should waste your time on.

I don't want to make you suspect him or anything, but from what I've heard, people who take "extended work" and lots of "suprise" buisness trips, usually have someone else. It would also explain why he don't care about being together with you. But from what YOU said, it sounds more like he is just plain stupid, to be frank. I don't mean to sound offensive, but I honestly don't get people that place the love of their life below their friends, or even work... one thing is familie, but only if you rarely see them. To me it sounds like he sees his brother more than he sees you. I would, regardless of the kid, get rid of that guy. If he still don't realize how stupid he is after having read your anger outbursts of frustration, he deserves a punch so hard, that it will leave a never-recovering wound, which says "goodbye".

My opinion. Nothing is more horrible than loving someone who doesn't love you back. One-sided love in my dictionary mean "torture" :/

[veinteuno]

i agree with the person above that stated prioritization indicates interest. you seem to be expressing a desire to spend time together, and your guy isn't giving you that. and it doesn't seem to be an isolated thing. i wouldn't blame you for moving on.

[that guy]

i am the guy that is being bashed on this thread and as you might have guessed there is always two sides of the story and some where in the middle always lies the truth. i must say some of what i have read has been some down right good advice/material and honestly i have said much of this type of info to minsecho before...in fact many times over. the rest of the posts are from people who have obviously picked sides on a subject that they know nothing about. by the way we dont live together. i'd rather not live together with another woman until the "i do's" are done.

because there has been so much past between her and i, i have been told by friends and family that i could write a pretty damn good soap opera with the experiences i have had with her; i have been lied to about things ranging from her family, not being told about a second daughter, being told i am the father of the little boy that she has made mention of here, her going to court for petty things like writting bad checks and God knows what else, causing problems for herself with my friends and family to the point of not being welcomed to those places, i have been physically abused, and she has publically humiliated me in my home town on more than one occassion.

people when i tell you there is alot more i mean there is alot more that you dont know than what you do know. i can remember a day when she broke up and got back together with me 8 times in one day.

first of all not all 8 years have sucked. the years when i didnt know she was lying were the best. second why do i stay...because i am gulible. but most of all i have grown to care about her and her little boy. trust me when i say i have more reason to hate her than to love her. i wake up almost every day thinking about her and i and whether or not this is really ever going to go any where. every day i come up with the same damn answer...i dont know. i guess i am ashamed to admit it but i am afraid of life with out her. some times i think she feels/thinks the same and that is why we have done what we have for as long as we have.

as far as the situation that she has brought to your attention and whether or not it is even true...i would have to say yes for the most part but she has left out some details that dont necessarily label me an asshole as some of you have said i am or deserve being called. although i am stuborn.

the night she is refering to i did communicated to her my plans, as i most often do, and i would have invited her to my brother's house but she has created a situation for herself that makes her unwelcome there.

in short earlier in the day there was an arguement about going and doing what she wanted to do and i siad i was going to supper at my brother's first and then sure we could do what ever she wanted. then she gave me an ultimatum and i am not one for being given ultimatums and she knows it. she said be there by 7 and i left at 8 and called her on the way home and said i would be ready in 20 minutes. she said dont bother. so i didnt. i decided to stay home for the night. thats when my uncle showed up and i sat and talked to him. she called and said throw him out and get my looser ass up there this instant and then hung up on me. i finished having good conversassion with my uncle instead. and why not do as i did? what is the sense in sitting in a public place so she can act all pissy and throw a fit in public as she has done before? sorry but i wasnt going to play that game...been there done that before.

she showed up around 11 that evening after i said screw it and went to bed. she pounded on the door until i let her in and did her usual screaming and yelling at me with her finger in my chest. i stood there and took it until she ended the relatinship yet again and walked out the door. after all that i went back to bed.

the fight isnt about who is wrong or who is right but about some really piss poor communication and trying to relay that to her is next to impossible. would have it been so hard to say oh ok well what time do you think you are going to be back; or per haos can you be back by 7?

try loving some one that hates your family and friends and tries to dictate to you when and where you will go to please her. every last thought needs to be made having her in mind. can you imagine having to think every time you need to get something done that you need to keep the other person in mind before you go do it? i am not one to be dictated to at all and i appreciate having some freedoms in life. i am some one that wants to be asked. i want the feeling of being respected and more than likely i will do what ever it is that you want and if i cant then i usually have a damn good reason why i wont or cant.

the reason i work so much is because i am trying to start my own business on top of having a day job. the day job gets damn busy at times and when there is work to at my business it has to be done on top of getting things moved into an adequate place to work out of. it is hard to balance finding time for her and all that she want to do, my son, family, job, the business and myself. there is always something that needs to be done with something or some one. if you cant take of #1 then how can you take care of anything else

as far as counseling goes....i beleive she does need some and i am willing to support her and participate as much as i can. i do believe that she has some other emtional problems that stem from before i even knew her and i think it does trickle into the girl i know today. does the couseling have to be a preist or done at a catholic family services? no it does not? i have gone through a "divorced, widows and singles" relationship counseling before and that is where i have learned the communication that i have learned and yes i have tried to communicate with her in that regard.

i could probably go on alot more than i have but honestly i doubt any one will care enough to read this far. all i can say from here on out is that i have put my faith in God and have asked for his help that i do His will through my day. whether i or not i ever succeed i never know. take care and draw your conclussions as you please. remember that i am only human and i do make mistakes.

[that guy]

by the way i dont feel like i have to defend myself to all you people because but i do think that you should know a little bit about the other side of the story before start making judements and drawing conclussions.

[vashti]

I read the whole thing, and as you might have guessed, I suspected there was more to this story than was being told.

I agree that the person not originally posting is often villified.

Good luck with this relationship. It sounds like a soap opera. What a shame there are kids involved.

[that guy]

i am no angle and i take blame where i have fault in what has happened between us through out the years of being together. after all it took two to make it this far. honestly i have tried to comunnicate my wants, needs, values and morals that i feel are important to me in a relationship. i cant make her like them or listen to what i have to say.

[mindsecho]

All i can say is *cough* *bullshit*
If it makes ya feel better, how about the cheating the last 4 years...and screwing the town whore...do you really want to go there? Start giving more than a piece of ass and you will get respect..until then...NOT. Try to make yourself look better...you can try....only the people close to us know THE TRUTH "that guy" You really dont like hearing ANYONE tell you that you are WRONG...its sad. You will be very lonely.