I work, why can't i come home and watch tv all night?

[carl1222]

He cooks every day and does all the grocery shopping, waters the plants, cleans the stove (I hate that job), etc. We're very fair.

IMO, the OP thinks housework is for chicks. That pisses me off.

Really, Giga?? I didn't get any sense from his OP that he was complaining about the TYPE of work at all ... just that he thought it was unfair that she complains about him not pitching in on simple chores when he does more than his fair share of the work.

Carl.

[Gigabitch]

He seems to feel that his fair share is done as soon as his ass hits the couch at six.

[Indignant]

He cooks every day and does all the grocery shopping, waters the plants, cleans the stove (I hate that job), etc. We're very fair.
I still do dishes every day and clean the litter box, do laundry, etc.

Why? Because I'm not some lazy ass who expects someone else to take care of me.

that was really misleading to me.

[Gigabitch]

My point there is that I don't plop my ass down as soon as I get home and feel that I'm done for the day, switch on the TV and expect to be waited on. ****, who does that these days? This guy was born 60 years too late.

[carl1222]

He seems to feel that his fair share is done as soon as his ass hits the couch at six.

Five days a week, it is!

How do you define "fair share"?

Carl.

[Indignant]

Five days a week, it is!

How do you define "fair share"?

Carl.

i think that his fiancee should try and put herself in his shoes before she takes it out on him. maybe he should stay home and go to school and do little chores around the house, and she in turn can go and work her ass off.

[bluesummer]

You know, I work only 15 hours a week and go to school, while my fiance works 40+ hours a week. I make sure he's taken care of - I have meals on the table when he gets home from work. When I have time during the day, I do chores. But being a student doesn't mean I sit around all day with my finger up my ass. My schoolwork is number one priority - it's going to raise our household income significantly when I'm done. So MY fiancee is only happy to share the housework with me. He WANTS me to focus on school, he doesn't even care how much I work. In fact, he'd probably be unhappy if he came home and found I'd been cleaning all day instead of working on my papers.

My point is, going to school is work too. So there's no June Cleaver type situation going on - it's not like she's sitting home doing shit all every day. I agree with having an hour or two to relax when you get home from a long day of work. Fine. But get your ass up and clear dishes after dinner or take out the garbage. Seriously. Either that or when she's finished her master's and earning her share of the income, you better be ready for picking up your share of the work.

[carl1222]

My point there is that I don't plop my ass down as soon as I get home and feel that I'm done for the day, switch on the TV and expect to be waited on. ****, who does that these days? This guy was born 60 years too late.

Again, I don't see anything in the OP that suggests that he asks her to wait on him or treats her like a servant. Quite the opposite ... I think he's just asking to be left alone and not nagged to do trivial chores after an eleven hour day when she has far more precious liesure time than he does.

I also think that using all their time together in doing something so solitary as vegging in front of the TV is not the best way to promote a good relationship, but that's a whole other topic.

Carl.

[Aeradalia]

Short Version: I work a lot more than my fiance so why is it that when I come home from work I can't just sit on my ass and eat her dinner and watch tv? Rather, why do I have to come home and do work when she could do it while i'm working to pay for our life? Every girl I talk to seems to agree with her!

Long Version: So, I work my ass off at work every day and I come home to my fiance who spends nearly all of her time when I'm away at her parent's house with her siblings. She does some work for her mother, but at most 15 hours a week. She is also spending about 5 hours a week working on her master's thesis. I work in downtown Cleveland, far from the suburbs where we live. I work 9-10 hour days on average and I drive about another hour total there and back - and I provide us a very nice lifestyle. So when I come home, why does my fiance gripe about shit like the garbage, dishes... etc. In any other type of situation, I would have a valid complaint. However, every girl I seem to ask says that the guy should come home and work... I don't get it?

I do not know the full extent of the daily schedule for you and your fiance. My suggestion would be to discuss this with her. Both of you provide a list of what you do and how much time is dedicated to this. Also give a list of reasons why you think this is worthwhile and beneficial to the relationship.

After that is compiled, make a list of all the household chores that need to be done on a daily and weekly basis. Then make a list of all the benefits having those chores completed can have on the relationship.

Once both lists are done... look at the first list and whoever seems to be insufficient, add some of these 'beneficial' relationship-helping household chores to their daily schedule. However, be sure to add some household chores to the other as well, if for no other reason than to encourage the other (i.e... see I'm doing something too...).

I think both of you fail to see how much of an impact household chores can have on a relationship. Failing to set up a routine and the disputes resulting have been the ruin of many a relationship. It would be such a waste to hear of yet another relationship failing because nobody could agree to take out the trash.

[Gribble]

If a man is working 40 hours a week to put a roof over a woman's head, pay her bills, buy the food in her fridge and the clothes in her closet, I think it's damn low of her not to show some appreciation by having the laundry done and putting a meal on the table. I'm all for the empowerment of women but this isn't a male/female thing. This is a lack of appreciation and respect. If the tables were reversed I'd expect the man to have the chores done and the meal waiting.

Maybe the guy is exaggerating, though. Maybe she's busting her ass a lot more than he assumes. I dunno. But if what he says is true and if she's putting in about 20 hours of work to his 50-60 and unwilling to handle chores and cooking, well, that's pretty twisted.

[CompletePimp]

Have to agree with Gigabitch here. She is not your maid. Ofcourse she could do something things in the house, but it's a responsibility of both still. If you really don't like how this is going you can always make some sort of schedule like some people seem to do?

Relationships and marriages are about compromise and working as a team. If the man works 3 times as much as she does and spends a total of 12 hours a day driving to work, working driving back then he is entitled to REST at the end of the day. (ESPECIALLY if the woman only works 15 hours a week) It's not a "WOMEN SHOULD BE IN THE KITCHEN" argument. If the woman was working more than the man should help more around the house. If he provides the house, money and food. She should provide some of the daily chores if she isn't working as much. And see things from his perspective.

It's the same when I was living with my mother. I worked full time while she sat her ass at home drinking and sleeping. And when I came home she always thought as if I was out partying for 8 hours and not working my ass off and wanted me to do all these house chores as if I wasn't already working all day and wanted to rest. And her ass wouldn't do ANYTHING at home. She'd tell me I sit home "all day" and watch tv or play games, when it was like WTF I was working ALL day while you were doing NOTHING. (not saying his situation is this bad)

Just gotta have some perspective. Again, if the woman was providing more work time for the household then the man should help more with house chores.

[Indignant]

It's the same when I was living with my mother. I worked full time while she sat her ass at home drinking and sleeping. And when I came home she always thought as if I was out partying for 8 hours and not working my ass off and wanted me to do all these house chores as if I wasn't already working all day and wanted to rest. And her ass wouldn't do ANYTHING at home. She'd tell me I sit home "all day" and watch tv or play games, when it was like WTF I was working ALL day while you were doing NOTHING. (not saying his situation is this bad)

I feel you on this subject. I had the same issue with my mom. Now we have reached an agreement that she cooks and i clean, and pay her for cooking.

[CompletePimp]

I feel you on this subject. I had the same issue with my mom. Now we have reached an agreement that she cooks and i clean, and pay her for cooking.

Yeah it's almost as if if they don't SEE you working or what youre doing at work then they just assume that you're just out of existence for those 8 hours a day. People need to be more considerate.
I don't have this problem in my relationship. I always put myself in my gf's shoes, even if she's being a little unfair and rude I try to ask myself what happened that day/week that might have made her on edge, usually there is a good reason. If not, then I'll tell her she's being a .. "brat" lol

[Lahrell]

Relationships and marriages are about compromise and working as a team. If the man works 3 times as much as she does and spends a total of 12 hours a day driving to work, working driving back then he is entitled to REST at the end of the day. (ESPECIALLY if the woman only works 15 hours a week) It's not a "WOMEN SHOULD BE IN THE KITCHEN" argument. If the woman was working more than the man should help more around the house. If he provides the house, money and food. She should provide some of the daily chores if she isn't working as much. And see things from his perspective.

It's the same when I was living with my mother. I worked full time while she sat her ass at home drinking and sleeping. And when I came home she always thought as if I was out partying for 8 hours and not working my ass off and wanted me to do all these house chores as if I wasn't already working all day and wanted to rest. And her ass wouldn't do ANYTHING at home. She'd tell me I sit home "all day" and watch tv or play games, when it was like WTF I was working ALL day while you were doing NOTHING. (not saying his situation is this bad)

Just gotta have some perspective. Again, if the woman was providing more work time for the household then the man should help more with house chores.

Thing is you don't know what she actually is doing with school at all. Perhaps she spends ALOT more time in it. Also who knows what she does already in the household. I don't think it's too much of her to ask him to take out the trash for example.

I can understand where you're coming from as well, but I know plenty of guys who work just as much as their girlfriend and they expect the girl to do EVERYTHING. Including cooking/ cleaning and he doesn't do jack shit but play some online game or hang on the couch and watch tv.

[vashti]

This is a stupid, lazy man's argument. There aren't any kids around, so they should each be responsible for cleaning up after themselves. If he has a problem with her not contributing more financially to the relationship, he should tell her, and quit expecting that he bought himself a maid.