Trapped in a relationship

[lesa]

I sense that this was a very casual relationship that ended up with an unexpected pregnancy. It's probably better to work out a plan to live separately but equally divide in child care.

On a side note: you have to be very careful with people who say that they cannot have children. I have had 3 men tell me that! Never assume unless you don't have the gadgets if you know what I mean.

[divinechaos]

Well I guess that's news to me...I never knew that you weren't really attracted to me, I thought it just started when I gained 10lbs right before I got pregnant....What a depressing thought....Also you say that I intentionally lied to you...It wasn't like that....the thought that I could get pregnant never crossed my mind....In my mind I knew only one thing and that I couldn't get pregnant...it only really dawned on me when I read the test and saw the lines that I really could get pregnant......I just don't know what to do Michael......

[IndiReloaded]

No, staying together for the child's sake when neither of you really want a relationship is not a good idea.

Can you be civil towards each other? Are you both able to make a living in the area where you are currently?

If so, then I would suggest you both go visit a mediator & work out some kind of fair child support plan. This agreement will also determine your child custody and what happens in various situations (job relocation, etc.).

Good luck to you both.

[Junket]

My mother and step father went to counseling several times throughout my child hood.

They hated each other.

And I remember my step father had said they've stayed together "for the kids".

I hated him.

I hated them both.

They made my and my siblings lives so miserable, screaming, fighting, hating every day, every night.

They thought they were being so f*cking noble, that stupid f*ck rarely kept a job and gave up on it altogether before I left.

Thanks a lot you dead beat motherf*ckers.

I haven't spoken to my mother in a year.

[secretlife]

i vote for go apart, but ONLY after the financial basis for the child is assured!!!
both parents are responsible for her, so they must sit down and make an agreement how her life is assured after they go apart. then go apart.

[Jade Altair]

My mother and step father went to counseling several times throughout my child hood.

They hated each other.

And I remember my step father had said they've stayed together "for the kids".

I hated him.

I hated them both.

They made my and my siblings lives so miserable, screaming, fighting, hating every day, every night.

They thought they were being so f*cking noble, that stupid f*ck rarely kept a job and gave up on it altogether before I left.

Thanks a lot you dead beat motherf*ckers.

I haven't spoken to my mother in a year.

I would hate to have my son ever spill such words.

[profchaos71]

See,thats what i'm talking about.I do not nor will i ever believe that you really were convinced that you couldnt get pregnant.You know thats a lie,you wrote in that journal before we hooked up about wanting a baby before you were 21,thats how i made you confess that your infertility was a lie.Remember? any person that believes in their head(falsley or otherwise) that they cant have kids isnt writing in a journal about plans to have a child before they turn 21.Bet anyone reading this agrees with me and thinks your full of it.What i meant by the attraction thing is when we reconnected i didnt find you as attractive. When we first met originally i did find you somewhat attractive. Lesa,you are correct in saying this was a casual relationship.We were both on the rebound,we had hooked up a year before for sex only. We reconnected and began what i would call a casual/sexual arrangement. She would drive up on a friday or saturday i would get drunk with my roomate and she would hang out until we went to bed.Then we would have sex and then she would drive home the next afternoon.We had a big discussion in which i told her that i didnt really want to continue what we were doing for both compatibility reasons and weight/attraction issues,she cried i felt bad we went and picked her up for what was going to be in my mind the last time.We had sex and she ended up pregnant.I decided to end the relationship due to these compatibility issues but right away the phone fighting started,threats about moving out of state,threats about child support, so given the fact that i had to move out of where i was staying soon and the fact that things related to being in this childs future were rapidly deteriorating i decided to give living together and getting married a try against the advice of every person that actually knows the situation.Thats how we got here today folks!

[IndiReloaded]

Well, Pro, if you are the father you will have to pay child support.

However, that doesn't mean *she* is entitled to your support. You weren't married, you don't owe her any spousal support. This is where a mediator will help you. You can put in the agreement a time limit for her to get herself established (so she can share more in the child support).

Or, if you think she is being unfair or conditions are unsuitable for your child, you can claim custody until she is better off. She can't just take off to a different state (nor you) unless one of you gives up custody.

Depends, really, on how important this child, and being a part of his/her life, is to you. Its a VERY important decision, so be honest with yourself. I know some kids whose lives would have been better off if their barely-interested parent had just split, instead of sticking around out of some misplaced sense of 'duty'.

[IndiReloaded]

Thats how we got here today folks!

Regardless of what's past, the only thing to focus on now is your child's future. Its clear neither of you want a relationship together, so I would leave that out of the equation.

[Junket]

I would hate to have my son ever spill such words.

Haha.

Like you would ever have a child!

[divinechaos]

You make me sound like the worst person in the world there....We've talked about it and I told you why I wrote that...because I wanted to have a baby, but I knew it wouldn't happen...I tried and tried with my ex but nothing happened so it just made me not being able to have kids ever more of a reality...I don't know why I even bother saying anything about it... I can't really justify it, it was horrible, I am horrible but as of a result of that..........the best thing that has and will ever happen to us happened. You will never forgive me.. I understand that...As for me moving out of state, I was pregnant, emotional, and homeless so I wanted what any girl in that state would want... I wanted my mom...who lives in North Carolina....(also this isn't the time to bring up my mom problems so lets leave it at that) Once I get a job...I'll be gone and we'll figure out how divide the time with Madi...and you won't have to bear the burden or having me under your roof ever again

[vashti]

Thats how we got here today folks!

Oh my god! What were you doing ****ing around with such a young girl?!?!

I feel really sorry for the baby. She's really going to be the one who gets screwed in the end.

[divinechaos]

Oh my god! What were you doing ****ing around with such a young girl?!?!

I feel really sorry for the baby. She's really going to be the one who gets screwed in the end.

I wouldn't say that I am very young... I have a lot of life experience and am very mature to my age and he will even testify to that.....But our goal is to do whatever is best for her no matter what it is...

[vashti]

No offense chaos, but if I had a dollar for every girl your age who thought they were more mature than their peers, I'd be rich. In fact *I* thought I was more mature than my peers at your age. The thing I didn't know then (that I know now) is that maturity is multi-faceted. You can be very mature in one way, and absurdly immature in another. The fact that you got yourself into this predicament (casually sleeping with men who are just about old enough to be your father and ending up with a "surprise" pregnancy) is a testament to your psychological development.

Your man should have known better at his age.

[divinechaos]

No offense chaos, but if I had a dollar for every girl your age who thought they were more mature than their peers, I'd be rich. In fact *I* thought I was more mature than my peers at your age. The thing I didn't know then (that I know now) is that maturity is multi-faceted. You can be very mature in one way, and absurdly immature in another. The fact that you got yourself into this predicament (casually sleeping with men who are just about old enough to be your father and ending up with a "surprise" pregnancy) is a testament to your psychological development.

Your man should have known better at his age.

There are special circumstances that lead to our casual sexual relationship...I know you said that you thought you were mature for your age and later found out that you really weren't... Every one can have a lapse in judgment whether they are mature or not but the fact that I became a mother at the age of 16 to my siblings while my mother was in Iraq put my life on a fast froward and I had to mature and be responsible sooner then most...So maybe its the fact that I'm not psychologically developed but that I am psychologically damaged...or at least I was in that point in my life