she's not attracted to me but wants to date

[anitacole77]

For your relationship trouble contact the love spell caster at dr clinton through his email [email]clintonmaggs@gmail.com[/email], i did and i got my steven back to me, you dont need to die in silent, there is no wrong in trial

[anitacole77]

My husband got me and the kids for the last 8 months now abandoned, and refuse to go back because I was on hold for a woman he just met, therefore, I and my children have been and heel-Suffering has been fighting, but I decided to make every effort to make sure my family get together as before, then went online ai there I saw many good talk about this pitcher spell whose name is clintron, so I had to contact him through his email [email]clintonmaggs@gmail.com[/email] and in just three days as I promised, my husband came home and his behavior was completely changed, he knew I was the one he fell inlove with. I am so happy that God used this spell caster to get my love back to me and I can not thank enough this spell caster for what I did for me, I am very grateful. Contact him and see what you get out of your heart desires.

[TheEvilJester]

....Okay, so with the further details you have shared I have to say she sounds like she is bat$h*t frigging crazy. She tells you that she does not find you attractive.... yet SHE is the one trying to pursue you? How does that make any sense? I still am not sure I get why you gave her a chance at that point. Imagine trying to ask a girl out like that. "Hey, I don't find you attractive, but you wanna go on a date anyway and see if maybe there's a spark?"

Still, you decided it was worth giving it a shot and I don't blame you for that. That was your decision. To be honest, I think you'd had enough evidence that she wasn't worth your time just within the first couple dates, but if it wasn't sufficient enough for you then, I hope it is now after this last date and the events after. You respectfully break things off because it is going nowhere and yet again she loses her temper at you like a petulant child. Glad to hear you broke it off with her. Personally, my advice would be to NEVER think twice about that. Stick to it and remove this gal from your life permanently. It was perhaps a worthwhile experiment, but one that is not worth continuing. Good luck to you.

EDIT:

For the record, starting as friends and later becoming more certainly can, has, and sometimes does happen. It isn't necessarily the best way to go about it, especially because you run the risk of falling into what people call the "friend zone." However, it certainly can work. I wouldn't recommend it as a method for trying to go out with somebody to try befriending them first, though. More so, if it works, it usually works because the two started as friends before they even thought of dating, or at a time when one or both of them was not available.

[Alopolo]

....Okay, so with the further details you have shared I have to say she sounds like she is bat$h*t frigging crazy. She tells you that she does not find you attractive.... yet SHE is the one trying to pursue you? How does that make any sense? I still am not sure I get why you gave her a chance at that point. Imagine trying to ask a girl out like that. "Hey, I don't find you attractive, but you wanna go on a date anyway and see if maybe there's a spark?"

Still, you decided it was worth giving it a shot and I don't blame you for that. That was your decision. To be honest, I think you'd had enough evidence that she wasn't worth your time just within the first couple dates, but if it wasn't sufficient enough for you then, I hope it is now after this last date and the events after. You respectfully break things off because it is going nowhere and yet again she loses her temper at you like a petulant child. Glad to hear you broke it off with her. Personally, my advice would be to NEVER think twice about that. Stick to it and remove this gal from your life permanently. It was perhaps a worthwhile experiment, but one that is not worth continuing. Good luck to you.

EDIT:

For the record, starting as friends and later becoming more certainly can, has, and sometimes does happen. It isn't necessarily the best way to go about it, especially because you run the risk of falling into what people call the "friend zone." However, it certainly can work. I wouldn't recommend it as a method for trying to go out with somebody to try befriending them first, though. More so, if it works, it usually works because the two started as friends before they even thought of dating, or at a time when one or both of them was not available.

Yes I did ask her out as I said but that was that just one simple text and it was after she came to me. Yet she would call and text regularly. After the denial of intimate contact (kiss test) I knew it was a waste of time.

Yes I can only see friendship working in case of unavailability since most 'successfull' women generally do not date friends.

[melancholia]

Nobody ever dates their friends. People who say that are kidding themselves. Once you cross the boundary from platonic friendship to a sexual relationship, it changes the dynamics of that relationship and you can't come back from it. Sometimes it turns out well, other times, not so much.

If you have decided it's a waste of time, then that is what it is and I suggest you move on. There are far better things to focus your attention on than someone who doesn't have enough interest in dating you.

[fearoflove]

ps. i never heard of this relationship through friendship phenomenon. i have always managed to secure a kiss by second date latest. i also dont know anyone who was friends with a girl before they became romantically engaged. so im not sure how this friendship thing works? it also sounds too risky.

My fiance was my friend for years before we started dating. I was that girl who always thought that I am either attracted to a guy or I am not and that it doesn't change. But then, my fiance kept pursuing me even though he knew that and that is what changed my mind about these sort of situations. Yes, it is risky. I mean, many guys don't manage to change a girl's mind but it can also go the other way. Honestly, right now, me and my fiance decide to have sex after we get married but these days leading up to that, my attraction for him grew. I think for some girls, as they became more comfortable with a guy and more secure, their attraction can grow.

But hey, if you have other options and if you decide she isn't worth the risk, then all the power to you.

[Alopolo]

im sorry but your fiance probably had no other choice. im not trying to be mean, but no man finding worth of his time would pursue a woman for 3 years. i had a friend who did something similar and he has 2 kids with her now but at the cost of 4 years of failure in college and potential career lost in exchange for love on welfare. to each his own way but i went a different route and i still think friendzone is dangerous.

[benfletcher82]

im sorry but your fiance probably had no other choice. im not trying to be mean, but no man finding worth of his time would pursue a woman for 3 years. i had a friend who did something similar and he has 2 kids with her now but at the cost of 4 years of failure in college and potential career lost in exchange for love on welfare. to each his own way but i went a different route and i still think friendzone is dangerous.

Is it that bad to be someone's friend before you date them? I was friends with my girlfriend before becoming her boyfriend. It's dangerous from your experience with it but one bad experience doesn't mean it's bad for everyone?

[Alopolo]

Is it that bad to be someone's friend before you date them? I was friends with my girlfriend before becoming her boyfriend. It's dangerous from your experience with it but one bad experience doesn't mean it's bad for everyone?

sure it does. im just saying you can get hurt and waste time a lot more if you become friends first and then find yourself in the unescapable and often inevitable friendzone. as long as there is mutual respect, love and happiness any relarionship is fine. my longest relationship was with a girl which i asked to go out with me within 15 minutes of meeting me and letting her know i don't want to be just friends. but im sure being friends first is also healthy except not sure how it exactly works.

[TheEvilJester]

I think those saying it NEVER works are making things WAY too black and white. Life isn't black and white. Life isn't square. It comes in many shapes and it comes in many colors. Friends CAN go from being friends to being more. Heck, sometimes that can lead to the best kind of relationship. After all, you should practically be best friends with your significant other anyway, so why wouldn't it sometimes be good to wind up dating a friend?

I definitely do agree, though, that it is NOT a good idea to intentionally try to make that happen. In other words, it is NOT a good idea to become friends with somebody you like as more than friends just hoping that it will lead to something more. I think in the cases where a transition like that DOES work, more often than not it is because the two really did just start as friends and it later became more. In other words, it isn't like one of them was secretly hanging around HOPING it would become more. THOSE are the situations that, more often than not, end in heart-break. Which also isn't to say they NEVER work either, it's just really not a good idea to intentionally enter into such a situation.

Yes, there is danger in dating a friend. If it doesn't work out, it is nearly impossible to go back to being just friends. Again, nothing is 100% impossible, but more likely than not the friendship would be lost as well. So, again, I wouldn't call that an ideal situation like you should intentionally try to date a friend, I'm just saying I think it is too simplistic to say it never works.

All that said.... to be honest, I think it is irrelevant to this particular case. In this case, I don't even think Alopolo should bother being friends with this particular woman. Maybe it is just me, but I don't even see the value of having somebody like this in your life, regardless of the capacity. Again, though, to each his/her own. Whatever seems right/best to you is what you should do. Good luck.

[Alopolo]

im not seeing it as black and white im just saying its not a good idea to friendzone a girl you like.

anyway as an update I ended up goin out with her couple more times and we ended up having amazing sex. Even still she doesnt seem to be into me. it seems like she does make the effort to go on dates with me and makeout but she doesnt want to get serious. sometimes she tells me about guys she finds hot which i just agree with so i dont give her any leverage in case its her tests. sometimes she tells me type of guys she likes which is not me which i simply laugh at. she also doesnt initiate contact as much as i do. so im thinking she only wants to have a purely sexual relationship. never met any girl like this and im thinking if theres any chance now to get into a proper relationship with a girl that has sex with me only? she only goes out on dates with me. however i will say a lot of progress has been made since the first date when she wouldnt even kiss me. it just bothers me the days when we are not on a date she never says anything nice to me or doesnt compliments me. correction - she never compliments me. she also has a lot of guy friends that she spends time with.

[melancholia]

I certainly agree that life, relationships, and love are not black and white. I think the more important question you should be asking yourself, is whether or not you feel like you are wasting your time with this woman. If she isn't capable of giving you what you need from a relationship, why would you bother? You could be missing out on a chance to be with someone who values you, and who appreciates what you have to offer them. If you are happy to keep things where they are at with this person, and if you feel like she is putting the same level of effort in as you are, then you're on the right track. But if you feel like you are the only one who is reaching out, or the only one to take chances and ask for what you want/need, then she may not be the right person for you.

[Alopolo]

I certainly agree that life, relationships, and love are not black and white. I think the more important question you should be asking yourself, is whether or not you feel like you are wasting your time with this woman. If she isn't capable of giving you what you need from a relationship, why would you bother? You could be missing out on a chance to be with someone who values you, and who appreciates what you have to offer them. If you are happy to keep things where they are at with this person, and if you feel like she is putting the same level of effort in as you are, then you're on the right track. But if you feel like you are the only one who is reaching out, or the only one to take chances and ask for what you want/need, then she may not be the right person for you.

i agree i spoke about this to her. she says I don't understand her and I am too intense and the word 'date' stresses her out. However she wants to go out with me? I don't understand what this means and when I asked her to call me to talk about this she declined. Therefore I told her there is no point for us to continue this and i don't want to be friends either. To this she replied that I am giving up and she doesn't want us to end! WTF? I'm not sure whether she wants to date or not?? i have learned that women don't like to reason or use logic to talk about their feelings so I did not pursue the conversation further. Even still she randomly texts me through out the day and tells me about herself....i have never been so confused.

[melancholia]

It's no wonder you are so confused! It sounds like this person has no idea what she wants. Clearly, this has become too confusing, and too challenging for you to carry forward. I think you should call it a loss and try and move on. Please, try not to assume that every woman thinks like this particular woman. It is not true at all that "all women don't like to use logic or talk about their feelings". There are plenty of women out there who know what they want (and what they don't want), and who are logical, able to discuss their feelings, and be clear when it comes to communicating those things. I think you should take some time for yourself. Just focus on things you enjoy doing. When we focus our energy on positive things that bring us joy, it boosts our confidence and makes us feel more positive. It can be hard when we are sad, frustrated, or confused... but don't give up! You deserve better than what this person has to offer you (which is nothing). I believe there are plenty of women out there who would be lucky to date you. You just need to take your time to find them.

Best of luck to you, OP!

Big Love,
Melancholia

[Alopolo]

It's no wonder you are so confused! It sounds like this person has no idea what she wants. Clearly, this has become too confusing, and too challenging for you to carry forward. I think you should call it a loss and try and move on. Please, try not to assume that every woman thinks like this particular woman. It is not true at all that "all women don't like to use logic or talk about their feelings". There are plenty of women out there who know what they want (and what they don't want), and who are logical, able to discuss their feelings, and be clear when it comes to communicating those things. I think you should take some time for yourself. Just focus on things you enjoy doing. When we focus our energy on positive things that bring us joy, it boosts our confidence and makes us feel more positive. It can be hard when we are sad, frustrated, or confused... but don't give up! You deserve better than what this person has to offer you (which is nothing). I believe there are plenty of women out there who would be lucky to date you. You just need to take your time to find them.

Best of luck to you, OP!

Big Love,
Melancholia

Thank you Melancholia, I have actually given up on this today. I actually have no more feelings for her and only thing i regret is the time and money I spent past few months with her. I'm going to simply ignore any text messages she sends my way.