Should we have a conversation about why we broke up?

[meloveu]

Dude, the pendulum swings both ways. Good luck and dont be arrogant or stubborn. Life has a way of working itself out.

[TheEvilJester]

There's a big difference between being punctual and disregarding somebody else's feelings/wishes. I myself tend to be very punctual... but that "punctual" would not include showing up to somebody's place nearly an hour early. Especially given the way you apparently worded it to him. It isn't like you said "Oh, I don't know, maybe around 3:00." You said "Come by at 3:00 because that gives me enough time to get ready."

So, in my personal opinion, I absolutely agree it is rude to come THAT early. You told him to come at 3:00 so you had time to get ready. So, essentially, whether this was his intention or not, that's basically like him saying "I don't care if you are ready or not. You be ready on MY time."

I think calling it "abusive" may be a bit of a stretch. At least as far as his being their way too early. Inconsiderate, yes, but abusive, I don't know. ...However it sounds like his reaction to you not being happy about it COULD very well be described as abusive. Now, I don't know exactly how it is you handled it with him in the first place. It could be possible maybe you over-reacted a bit and that put him on the defensive. I don't know. I wasn't there to witness it. It just doesn't make his reaction okay even if you did.

I definitely do understand what some of the other folks have said. Being early should be seen as a good quality.... when somebody is early within a reasonable time frame. Ten minutes... okay, maybe a little annoying, but I wouldn't say that is early enough that you should get annoyed about it. ...But almost an hour early?! Yeah, I'm with you on that. Anyway, sounds like you got all the closure you need now based on him not even bothering to give you the chance to talk. So, good for you. You probably are better off to just move on to somebody else anyway. Good luck to you.

[Hooo!]

So he gets mad at you
And you react by quitting the relationship?

I intentionally directed this advice to YOU
Since you are responsible and have to be the one changing if you want results

[madotnw_nihs]

We don't know the thing that he did and unwilling to compromise. At the end of the day, you ended the relationship. There's nothing to be said unless you want to get back with him.

[blabla]

There's a big difference between being punctual and disregarding somebody else's feelings/wishes. I myself tend to be very punctual... but that "punctual" would not include showing up to somebody's place nearly an hour early. Especially given the way you apparently worded it to him. It isn't like you said "Oh, I don't know, maybe around 3:00." You said "Come by at 3:00 because that gives me enough time to get ready."

So, in my personal opinion, I absolutely agree it is rude to come THAT early. You told him to come at 3:00 so you had time to get ready. So, essentially, whether this was his intention or not, that's basically like him saying "I don't care if you are ready or not. You be ready on MY time."

I think calling it "abusive" may be a bit of a stretch. At least as far as his being their way too early. Inconsiderate, yes, but abusive, I don't know. ...However it sounds like his reaction to you not being happy about it COULD very well be described as abusive. Now, I don't know exactly how it is you handled it with him in the first place. It could be possible maybe you over-reacted a bit and that put him on the defensive. I don't know. I wasn't there to witness it. It just doesn't make his reaction okay even if you did.

I definitely do understand what some of the other folks have said. Being early should be seen as a good quality.... when somebody is early within a reasonable time frame. Ten minutes... okay, maybe a little annoying, but I wouldn't say that is early enough that you should get annoyed about it. ...But almost an hour early?! Yeah, I'm with you on that. Anyway, sounds like you got all the closure you need now based on him not even bothering to give you the chance to talk. So, good for you. You probably are better off to just move on to somebody else anyway. Good luck to you.

I think he acted like a child to be honest. He was so keen and eager to see me that he didn't even think that it would be disrespectful to come so early.

I know he didn't do it because he is a bad person, but he didn't think before he acted either.

Yes I was annoyed when I talked to him but I was being assertive, not agressive. Anyway, I think if he didn't overreacted we could have talked things through and get to a compromise because it was never my intention to break up in the first place.

I also guess that the way he reacted (angry and defensive) pulled my triggers and I got on a "fight or flight mode", because I used to have those kind of arguments with my ex-husband and I can't stand it nowadays.

[pcmaster]

I also guess that the way he reacted (angry and defensive) pulled my triggers and I got on a "fight or flight mode", because I used to have those kind of arguments with my ex-husband and I can't stand it nowadays.

Its seems like you both had baggage from past that did stand in a way here.

[blabla]

We don't know the thing that he did and unwilling to compromise. At the end of the day, you ended the relationship. There's nothing to be said unless you want to get back with him.

My intention that day wasn't to end the relationship. I got scared by the way he reacted and just wanted to get away from it. Basically I entered into a "fight or flight" mode.

Yes I do miss him now and would like to have a conversation with him about it (a normal peaceful conversation), but he refused to accept my Facebook friend invite 2 days ago, so I guess he moved on and want nothing to do with me now.

- - - Updated - - -

Its seems like you both had baggage from past that did stand in a way here.

Yes, absolutely.

[Hooo!]

Then since you can’t work on his baggage
Work on your own

[blabla]

Then since you can’t work on his baggage
Work on your own

Yes that's what I am trying to do.

[TheEvilJester]

I think he acted like a child to be honest. He was so keen and eager to see me that he didn't even think that it would be disrespectful to come so early.

I know he didn't do it because he is a bad person, but he didn't think before he acted either.

Yes I was annoyed when I talked to him but I was being assertive, not agressive. Anyway, I think if he didn't overreacted we could have talked things through and get to a compromise because it was never my intention to break up in the first place.

I also guess that the way he reacted (angry and defensive) pulled my triggers and I got on a "fight or flight mode", because I used to have those kind of arguments with my ex-husband and I can't stand it nowadays.

And again, since none of us were there to witness it, we can't necessarily say if it was enough of a reason to break up with somebody in OUR opinions. ...But here's the thing. It is your life. Not ours. It WAS enough of a reason to end things TO YOU. As far as I am concerned, that is all that matters. And to be honest, I can't blame you. I understand. You were ABSOLUTELY justified to ask him not to come so far in advance of the time you asked him to come. Especially given that you said you were assertive about it but not aggressive. You are probably right in that he PROBABLY doesn't do it in a blatantly disrespectful way. He probably is just obliviously thinking "well, early is better than late." It's just, just as you say, that doesn't make it okay.

And, just as you say, it isn't like that, in and of itself was the problem. You said so yourself that you had no intention of ending the relationship that day. It was his reaction to your reasonable requests that he respect your wishes. It was his over-reaction, getting defensive and angry and bordering on (if not crossing the border) abusive behavior. Now, if that being a deal-breaker for you is partly or even in whole because of past baggage, then it is all well and good to work on that and hope to work past it for future you.... but that still doesn't mean I personally blame you in this case anyway. I can understand why that kind of reaction would be make or break for you.

And yet, even after all that, you were still willing to at least talk it out. To me, that shows the sign of a mature, responsible adult. He wouldn't even give you the chance, which says all you need to know, I think. Anyway, that was a lot of blah blah blah to basically say that I think you did the right thing for you. And I think you will be fine in time. You'll find somebody better. Never hurts to work on self-improvement along the way, of course.... But, in time you will find somebody who will mesh better with you anyway. Good luck to you.

[GLYC]

I'd leave him be in all honesty, no letter, at most, I would send a message just saying you would like to talk about things and clear things up or work things out.

He did mess up, you're in a situation where you have things that needed to be done. He should have just apologized and agreed with you in that situation, it was a good time for him to compromise. Instead, it sounds like he just got all mad and upset. And how does that help the situation. It does well the opposite.

[pcmaster]

Its funny how many relationships end because of misunderstanding and unsaid words. But in the relationship is as strong as strong is communication. There's just so much time to say things and if you don't say them the well you don't say them and often there is no second chance.

[Minikimini]

Me and this guy met online and dated for 2 months.

We were really close but around a week ago we had an ugly argument about something we didn't agree. He did something I didn't like and he thought he did nothing wrong and was quite defensive and argumentative, I got scared and I broke up with him.

The next day we met so I could return his stuff he left at my house. After I gave him the things, he asked me "that's it"? I think he wanted to talk, but I was really mad at him and said "yeah that's it", and left.

I unfriended him on social media and both me and him deleted all photos of each other from social media. We just didn't delete phone numbers, as I can still see him on whatsapp.

Now a week and a half later I miss him, although I'm not sure I would want to get back together. I would like though to have a proper conversation with him about what happened, because we didn't have one. I guess that would help me (and maybe him too) move on.

I was thinking in adding him again as a friend on Facebook and see if he accepts, before I contact him and say I would like to have a conversation, because at this point I don't even know if he wants to speak to me ever again.

Any advice? Thank you.

Don't do it. The conversation isn't going to go the way you're envisioning it.

The moment to have had that conversation sailed when you said "yeah, that's it".

[omgtotallyxo]

These are minor problems that could have been resolved if you two have a proper conversation about it. Instead, it was blown up to a huge fight that led to a break-up. But that is usually how relationships end. It happens a lot. Maybe he will calm down and want to talk about this in the future or maybe he won't ever want to talk to you again. If he refuse to talk to you, there is nothing you can do. Just try to learn from this and communicate better next time.

[blabla]

Hi everyone, thank you for your replies.

Well after 1 month he sent a text message 2 days ago saying he feels uncomfortable with how things ended between us, that he has no bad feelings from him, he enjoyed our time together, that I inspired him in many ways and he respects that. And that he is still my friend if I want him to be.

I responded saying there are no bad feelings from me either and I'm happy to be friends. He responded saying that's great, and sent me an invite to be friends again on Facebook which I accepted. We haven't talked again since that.

I just realised that I do miss him and I still feel I would like to have a conversation with him about what happened. But I'm not sure about him, if that's what he wants too. Maybe he really just want us to stay friends and nothing else, because he would have said something else if he wanted, right?