Dating long term friend w/ VERY, VERY scandalous past - should I bring it up?

[vashti]

The man is married to another woman and has 2 previous kids. The most likely scenario is that the wife will either dump him when she finds out about the girlfriend and kid on the side, or she will demand he gets rid of the girlfriend and kid to preserve her own family.

[meh]

No, you missed the point. Of what VALUE is the information? Does he plan to run the guy off if he is NOT the biological father, despite his having stuck around through all the men that apparently run into (and out of) this woman's life?

If this man IS the biological father, does 2and2 plan to go tell his wife, thus destroying an intact family and making it likely that dad will discontinue contact with the kid?

Honestly, I am not looking at what benefits the original poster or the woman he is dating. I am thinking about what is good for the kid because the kid's needs are more important that everyone else at this point.

Perhaps it is because some people are genuinely interested in finding out the truth, for the sake of knowing the truth.

Perhaps it is because the OP likes/loves this woman so much that he wants to find out everything about her.

Or perhaps he knows himself well enough to know that if, say, she was still having sex with the boss, or God only knows what other information might surface, he might want to end the relationship. So, better find out now than two years later when they're a lot more involved.

Or perhaps he is just the kind of guy who likes to able to confide in his SO, and have his SO confide in him, instead of having a distant and frigid relationship which is starting more and more to seem the underlying cause for your bitchy posts.

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Also, this has nothing to do with "the kid" because as I understand it, it's not the OP's intention to make the results of his inquiry public. It's just information he needs to know about the person he is (perhaps) going to spend the better part of his adult life with.

[vashti]

I question his motivation. He already knows what kind of woman he is getting involved with.

[meh]

He knows what kind of a woman she was. From his posts it seems that she appears to have changed/settled down.

His motivation seems obvious and justified. To know for sure if that promiscuous woman from 5 years ago is still the one here, hidden behind the mother's mask, or if she truly has "come to her senses".

[2and2is5]

I think you all are completely missing the point here. Of course I wouldn't want to do anything to mess w/ the kids life in anyway, nor do I want to mess w/ her boss's life or hers for that matter. I am worrried about my life here in terms of getting involved w/ someone who has the ability to carry out a life w/ massively complex deceptions involved.

Doesn't anyone find it disturbing that she could have been having a relationship w/ her boss for at least 6 years while going out w/ other guys at the same time (one of them - living w/ him, having a child w/ him, and dating for 2 years)? That takes a lot of energy or an almost shell-shocked denial to live a life like that.

[2and2is5]

exactly THANKS MEH - that's what I'm trying to determine here!

[meh]

You're welcome. Let us know how it goes if you decide to go through with it.

[Only-virgins]

I think you all are completely missing the point here. Of course I wouldn't want to do anything to mess w/ the kids life in anyway, nor do I want to mess w/ her boss's life or hers for that matter. I am worrried about my life here in terms of getting involved w/ someone who has the ability to carry out a life w/ massively complex deceptions involved.

Yea, she is deceptive and is capable of doing things behind your back, you already started to date her though so I figured you accepted that and didn't care.

[Gigabitch]

Well, 2and2, it's too bad you lied about still being in touch with your ex. Makes it pretty hard for you to demand full disclosure from her, doesn't it?

She seems to me to be a Plan B kind of girl, maybe even a Plan C kind of girl. She'll always have some other guy on the back burner, waiting his turn. For a long time, that was you. Now, it's probably somebody else. That doesn't mean she's necessarily sleeping with him, but that she might at any moment.

I can see why you're so focused on her boss, I really can, but IMO, he's not the real problem here. It's her. If she didn't have the boss, there would be someone else like him. It's who she is.

And no, people don't change. Not really.

[vashti]

I was wondering how long it would take Giga to come and see things (basically) my way.

[Only-virgins]

And no, people don't change. Not really.

Can I use this next time we are talking about a girls past? Cause I believe you and vash always argued that people change so they need a second chance. Why is everyone such a hypocrite these days? OV people change....2and2..people never change!

[Gigabitch]

I was wondering how long it would take Giga to come and see things (basically) my way.

I'm older than you, so it's MY WAY.

Can I use this next time we are talking about a girls past? Cause I believe you and vash always argued that people change so they need a second chance. Why is everyone such a hypocrite these days? OV people change....2and2..people never change!

I don't think having a sexual history makes someone a slut. No need to change.

People can learn from their mistakes, but I don't think they really change.

[2and2is5]

Giga - I think there's a massive difference between a person who would lie about keeping in touch w/ their ex via email (especially when the current gf hates the ex) and a person who would date 4 guys over the span of 5-7 years, while, during the whole time, seeing their boss and possibly having a kid w/ him and telling a boyfriend that that kid was definitely his.

[vashti]

The question you should be asking yourself is WHY are you interested in dating a woman with that kind of history? It doesn't sound to me like you can handle it (not that I can blame you). Why don't you just admit to yourself that you have a problem with her history and move on?

[Gigabitch]

Giga - I think there's a massive difference between a person who would lie about keeping in touch w/ their ex via email (especially when the current gf hates the ex) and a person who would date 4 guys over the span of 5-7 years, while, during the whole time, seeing their boss and possibly having a kid w/ him and telling a boyfriend that that kid was definitely his.

The point is, you can't demand that someone be truthful if you aren't, no matter what the lie is about.