backwards situation

[carl1222]

Lite, please quit being idealistic. yes, some good men do lose jobs everyday. what makes them good is not sitting around the house playing games but actually being involved with their families. helping with kids, around the house. such is not a case as described by the annoyed.

True, Indignant ... but before we put him in the stocks, it's important to know how long he has been unemployed and how hard he tried in the early stages. She indicates that he really did try ... even to the point of seeking menial jobs without success.

Many people eventually become discouraged and drop out ... apparently what this guy has done. If so, the better, more loving advice is not to remind him what a "loser" he has become but instead to give him a great pep talk and encourage him to believe in himself again.

Carl.

[Indignant]

True, Indignant ... but before we put him in the stocks, it's important to know how long he has been unemployed and how hard he tried in the early stages. She indicates that he really did try ... even to the point of seeking menial jobs without success.

Many people eventually become discouraged and drop out ... apparently what this guy has done. If so, the better, more loving advice is not to remind him what a "loser" he has become but instead to give him a great pep talk and encourage him to believe in himself again.

Carl.

you can not drop on your family and menial jobs are not hard to get

[Lite]

you can not drop on your family and menial jobs are not hard to get

People are not robots. If one gets discouraged enough, one stops trying. Hell, people kill themselves over such things. And even the menial jobs are getting to be in tight supply these days. There's a reason that thousands of "undocumented workers" are going back South. They can't find employment either.

[Indignant]

People are not robots. If one gets discouraged enough, one stops trying. Hell, people kill themselves over such things. And even the menial jobs are getting to be in tight supply these days. There's a reason that thousands of "undocumented workers" are going back South. They can't find employment either.

are you kidding me? one never stops trying. i had to quit school and work full time at the age of 13 (really) when both my parents lost jobs and it was much easier for a young girl to get one. i worked at a restaurant till my mom found a job. then me and my mom had to clean apartments part time at night to support our family of 4.

[IndiReloaded]

If he isn't working, he should be going to school to gain skills so he CAN get a job. The economy isn't going to stay like this forever.

There are ALWAYS jobs for those who are willing and able to work for them.

In really hard times, men (or women) LEAVE their families to find work so they can help support their families. I know someone from China who did exactly this and then brought her family to Canada a year afterward.

Staying home to look after your child while you work is valuable, but what about the rest of the time? Playing video games? That is not what a responsible adult does, sorry.

[Lite]

If he isn't working, he should be going to school to gain skills so he CAN get a job. The economy isn't going to stay like this forever.

There are ALWAYS jobs for those who are willing and able to work for them.

In really hard times, men (or women) LEAVE their families to find work so they can help support their families. I know someone from China who did exactly this and then brought her family to Canada a year afterward.

Staying home to look after your child while you work is valuable, but what about the rest of the time? Playing video games? That is not what a responsible adult does, sorry.

is he playing video games and cleaning, or just playing video games? As for responsible adults, the average age of video game players is over 35 now and growing.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

I read in the OP's post that he feels that when she is home he can sit and play video games all day and she still has to take care of the baby alone. She feels like she is doing it on her own. But when we say he is not being helpful, she says we dont know his side of the story so we can not judge him, when she clearly is making it sound that way herself.

From what I read, he just sits at home and does nothing. If thats not what you are trying to say, then reword your post.

[annoyed23]

the agreement was that the housework would be done by him...he has done the dishes once or twice, and thats it...and he tidies up on occasion. I got up at 7 on saturday and cleaned the house from top to bottom while he layed in bed wondering what I was doing... I understand that he is very dissapointed that he cant find work...he is trying as hard as he can with what he has. I have even filled out applications for him...and still, nobody is calling back. whats frustrating is that I need his support and he doesnt understand that. He thinks that I have un wavering energy and time and resources to get whatever we need, but i dont...I am human too!! I feel like he is expecting me to be super woman.

[Indignant]

the agreement was that the housework would be done by him...he has done the dishes once or twice, and thats it...and he tidies up on occasion. I got up at 7 on saturday and cleaned the house from top to bottom while he layed in bed wondering what I was doing... I understand that he is very dissapointed that he cant find work...he is trying as hard as he can with what he has. I have even filled out applications for him...and still, nobody is calling back. whats frustrating is that I need his support and he doesnt understand that. He thinks that I have un wavering energy and time and resources to get whatever we need, but i dont...I am human too!! I feel like he is expecting me to be super woman.

what kind of work does he do?

[annoyed23]

he is in retail. he can do anything!!! from manager, all the way down to cashier. he would take anything at this point.

[Indignant]

he is in retail. he can do anything!!! from manager, all the way down to cashier. he would take anything at this point.

maybe I can help him with his resume?

[annoyed23]

I havent even looked at his resume, so thats the plan for this weekend. If it looks fine to me..maybe i'll take you up on that offer.

[Indignant]

I havent even looked at his resume, so thats the plan for this weekend. If it looks fine to me..maybe i'll take you up on that offer.

i worked as a recruiter for 3 years for one of the largest employment agencies - VOLT, check them out as well.

[Lite]

I am human too!! I feel like he is expecting me to be super woman.

Now this doesn't justify his behavior or not living up to his personal commitment about chores around the house. Many men are raised in an environment that places them in a position to expect to be the provider for the family. If something happens and he is no longer able to be the provider... Well that can trigger some pretty severe issues as we're not exactly raised to talk about feeling like failures, or feeling like we're not being a good provider, or that we feel defeated about trying to find a job.

We're pretty much not encouraged at any point during our truly formative years to be OK with feeling any of the above, let alone actually talk about it. This is why a lot of long-term unemployed men end up with a shotgun in their mouths. We're not allowed to talk about how we feel... We're not encouraged to talk about how we feel... We're not permitted to develop mechanisms with which we can gradually release stress as it happens. There is a reason men have a higher instance of heart disease and it isn't all genetic or diet related.

Have you suggested that he talk to someone about his frustration? Someone other than you? A priest, a parent, a (male) friend?

Pretty much it sounds like he's depressed and lacks personal perspective on his situation. Which includes how much he's hurting, frustrating, and stressing your relationship with him. When you are depressed, you're usually not very capable of being empathetic towards the needs of others.

It needs to be clearly communicated to him that he needs a job, ANY job, no matter how menial, temporarily until he finds a better position. That's just how it works.

Is he still getting unemployment? Depending on what he's getting it may affect future unemployment earnings negatively if he accepts a position that is too low in pay. There is some weird tricky math that goes on which varies from state to state about this.

[Indignant]

Pretty much it sounds like he's depressed and lacks personal perspective on his situation. Which includes how much he's hurting, frustrating, and stressing your relationship with him. When you are depressed, you're usually not very capable of being empathetic towards the needs of others.

as an objectivist, i don't believe in the above mentioned states of mind. those "feelings" are basically laziness and egoism.