Don't know where to ask this... Could use some advice...

[Graham Berkeley]

Bleh. There are so many healthy people to interact with. Unless you are planning to sleep with her, what is your motive for hanging around this gal? Psychology experiment?

I like being in her company. I like her intelligence. I like her talents. I like her as a human being... Try having a relationship with someone of the opposite gender for purposes other than sex. Its enlightening...

[Sanctuary]

I like being in her company. I like her intelligence. I like her talents. I like her as a human being... Try having a relationship with someone of the opposite gender for purposes other than sex. Its enlightening...

Given the chance to, and if there were no consequences whatsoever (in fact you even have a time machine if things go wrong), would you want to have sex with her?

Be honest.

[vashti]

I have a number of friends of the opposite sex. Given the chance, and if there were no consequences, I'd probably have sex with all of them.

[Gigabitch]

If you want to keep this friendship, Graham, you should check in with her. Keep your boundaries solid, no emotional tampon stuff, but she's probably mortified about breaking down in front of you and probably thinks she's destroyed all respect for her you may have had.

[Sanctuary]

I have a number of friends of the opposite sex. Given the chance, and if there were no consequences, I'd probably have sex with all of them.

Lol I think someone said in another post that you're married? Nothing wrong with what you wanna do but..

See guys? Just because there's a goalie doesn't mean you can't score.

[vashti]

Lol I think someone said in another post that you're married? Nothing wrong with what you wanna do but..

See guys? Just because there's a goalie doesn't mean you can't score.

You missed the part where I said IF there were no consequences!

[Graham Berkeley]

So I thought I would post an update... She avoided me for a week then called me to say she was gona come over Thursday night. Didn't hear from her till Saturday where she told me via e-mail she was really sick. I asked her if she wanted me to bring her anything she said no. Sunday late afternoon she left me a message saying she was really REALLY sick. I called her and when she picked up she not only didn't sound sick but it sounded like she was at a party... She seemed surprised I called. I ended the conversation saying she sounds fine with me and then she got weird and dramatic over text messages saying she went out and then got sick over a friends house. I told her to give me a call when she felt better and then she said something about me needing to ignore whatever drama i had invented in my head... It was like she thought she was arguing with a boyfriend...

I let it go and talked a little to her via text over the next few days. She texts me this afternoon that she ran into her Ex. I told her if she wanted to get away for a night she could come over and watch something with me. She ends the convo saying "Yeah I'll be free around 7. We'll be in touch." well here it is 11:30 and i hasn't heard anything from her... At this point I'm feeling manipulated and don't know if its time i establish a firm boundary or just "Delete" her from my life altogether. This is starting to feel weird for me.

[Mish]

If you want an honest opinion, I think you've moved so far away from friends towards crush that you can't even see the line anymore. I think it's too late for boundaries, you need to take a break from her for at least a week, that's at a minimum. That's a week of no contact. Then after that move very slowly.

[Lulu]

I agree! A lot of people have bad experiences in life- but why is she sleeping around with other men and just "friends" with you? You are in the friend zone, buddy- not her idea of relationship material. You are her ego boost when she is feeling lonely and bad about herself. I've been there- I've dated a guy once that I got physical with, but ended up not feeling that way about him. I enjoyed talking to him, hanging out with him, telling him about my day to day stuff, problems, etc. but I did not want to be intimate with him because it just wasn't there for me. Realize that you are just her comfort blanket, whatever you call it, and try to get out of her turmoil- you are just a free therapist and an ego boost.

[Graham Berkeley]

I agree! A lot of people have bad experiences in life- but why is she sleeping around with other men and just "friends" with you? You are in the friend zone, buddy- not her idea of relationship material. You are her ego boost when she is feeling lonely and bad about herself. I've been there- I've dated a guy once that I got physical with, but ended up not feeling that way about him. I enjoyed talking to him, hanging out with him, telling him about my day to day stuff, problems, etc. but I did not want to be intimate with him because it just wasn't there for me. Realize that you are just her comfort blanket, whatever you call it, and try to get out of her turmoil- you are just a free therapist and an ego boost.

What are you agreeing with if your opinion is 180 degrees different from the above poster?

Well I'd rather be a friend than a crush. I don't see her as anything more than friends. I just wish she wasn't playing these games. I just don't have time for this. I think shes an awesome person but she can't expect me to keep this crap up. This "relationship" of friendship needs to be flowing in both ways and frankly it just isn't right now.

Why does she keep setting things up only to blow me off? The least she could do is tell me she got hung up on things. I'm fine with that.

[Gigabitch]

She's a pain in the ass. Damn.

[Graham Berkeley]

What is this game she is playing? Why is she playing it?

[Gigabitch]

Who gives a shit? Just limit your exposure. She's some kind of drama vampire or something.

[Mish]

What is this game she is playing? Why is she playing it?

I don't know this woman but if I had to speculate I'd say she's playing "give me some space" game.

I could be wrong, but my conclusion is based on this

So I thought I would post an update... She avoided me for a week then called me to say she was gona come over Thursday night. Didn't hear from her till Saturday where she told me via e-mail she was really sick. I asked her if she wanted me to bring her anything she said no.

She's been avoiding you for a week, that means she is not very interested in seeing you. She told you she will come over on Thursday and then didn't without any explanation or notification. This should have prompted a dissatisfied inquiring response from you or no response at all. You should have either communicated that you are not happy with this behaviour or ignored her at all. Because even if she is sick there is a common courtesy to let the other person know that they are unavailable. Instead you chose to appease her. I think the obvious question is why did you do that?

Sunday late afternoon she left me a message saying she was really REALLY sick. I called her and when she picked up she not only didn't sound sick but it sounded like she was at a party... She seemed surprised I called. I ended the conversation saying she sounds fine with me and then she got weird and dramatic over text messages saying she went out and then got sick over a friends house.

I think it's quite obvious that she is lying. She lied to you by saying she was sick on Thursday, she wasn't. She then lied to you by saying she was sick on Sunday, she wasn't. She then lied to you by saying she got sick over a friend's house when you caught her red handed. I'll be surprised if she was sick then. These lies are very obvious, the only reason someone would say them is because they are 100% sure the other person would buy them. That means they are 100% certain they have this control over the other person. Why she was 100% certain you would buy it, I think the answer is the same as why you chose to appease her when she behaved rudely to you.

I told her to give me a call when she felt better and then she said something about me needing to ignore whatever drama i had invented in my head... It was like she thought she was arguing with a boyfriend...

This here is not even about being rude anymore, this is about control. She saw some type of resistance from you to her lies, so she attacked you with brute force, accusing you of being crazy and creating delusions in your head. It's not her fault that she lied, it's your fault for questioning her.

I let it go and talked a little to her via text over the next few days. She texts me this afternoon that she ran into her Ex. I told her if she wanted to get away for a night she could come over and watch something with me. She ends the convo saying "Yeah I'll be free around 7. We'll be in touch." well here it is 11:30 and i hasn't heard anything from her... At this point I'm feeling manipulated and don't know if its time i establish a firm boundary or just "Delete" her from my life altogether. This is starting to feel weird for me.

In other words you submitted to her. She told you lies, she mistreated you, she attacked you and then you raised the white flag.

You might as well put a sign on your head reading "Mistreat me if you want to, I just want to make sure you are okay". Weak, it's very weak. Why are you doing this? Your motivations for so many concessions for someone treating you this badly is very suspicious.

[Graham Berkeley]

Truthfully I want to believe she is a good person who is just a little mixed up. The reason I put up with this is kinda selfish... She has very particular skills that I've been trying to work a mutually beneficial situation for. I don't want to imply I boil people who I make friends with down into functions of how they can help me but...