In Love With Best Friend Who I Think Will Marry Someone Else

[makaveli001]

post deleted

[indigosoul]

Follow this advice and your fixing to get your teeth knocked out.
I bet her boyfriend of three years won't take offense to you hitting on her just because there not married and dont have kids.

No, you would rather they get married when she has feelings for this other guy and end up having an affair, get divorced after they have a couple of kids or what have you.

She obviously needs to make a decision about who she really wants, of course, but remember: being someones b/f g/f doesn't imply ownership. Finesse. Be honest, be clear. But the decision must come from her. Once she makes it, support her and respect her, as the situation dictates.

Good luck.

[indigosoul]

That is one thing I am worried about if we were to get together. I guess I am shooting for the stars to much... life isn't perfect

Honestly, it doesn't sound like you really want to be together that much. If you did, this would be a non-issue. Believe it. If you're not sure, move on.

[Mish]

Geeze.

I think I would just lay it on the line, tell her you love her and want her to be your exclusive girlfriend. If she can't and doesn't want to get rid of the German guy then I think you are going to have to stop talking and spending time with her. At least for a long period of time, because you care too much about her and you won't be able to have just friends feelings for her.

I agree with this post...

Clynn, for your information your post has been carefully analyzed for comparable similarities with my own point of view and has passed the check of being the most compatible!

makaveli001 I now hereby declare you fully capable of carrying out the above task... You shall do as written above without questions asked and will report on your status once accomplished!

[Chronos]

Simply said,

"Go upto her and speak. Don't forget to turn your brain off."

If you don't have the guts, or 'can't find the right words', or you keep putting it off every opportunity...well, why torture yourself mate?

Break all contact and move on...s'the collection of what everyone's sayin'.

Put up or shut up, either way you see the road over the hump, jus' don't park there tho.

[Tone]

Wait - so you guys are in Michigan and her boyfriend is in Germany?

6 months ago you had a chance at her, when she's been dating him for 3 years?

I probably missed something here, but I didn't see any part where you said she's getting married? But it's in the topic?

Okay - if you had a chance at her 6 months ago, why don't you have a chance now. **** it, just lay it all out and get all those feelings pent up for her off your chest.

[Rosebud]

Prior to CMU where did you live in Michigan?

[indigosoul]

I probably missed something here, but I didn't see any part where you said she's getting married? But it's in the topic?

Hi Tone, that was my fault. All he said was that he could see himself marrying this girl...which says a lot about his depth of feeling toward her.

I simply said that she isn't married YET. Meaning that if they have been together for 3 years, this might be the natural next step.

Perhaps there are those that disagree, but I believe that until one is married (or formally committed, same thing), that one can leave the relationship at anytime w/o any guilt, etc. In fact, traditionally that is what the engagement period is for: to find out if you are really compatible. It can be called off up to the moment "I do"s are exchanged.

There are many who, through a misplaced sense of responsibility or honour, would give up longterm happiness to "do the right thing". Which includes staying in a relationship simply b/c of a little thing called TIME.

Another way to think about it: what advice would you give if they had "only" been together 3 months, or 6, or 18?? Wheres the "cutoff"?

Unless she's married, dude, anything goes. Best, and try to keep your teeth.

[Tone]

Hi Indi, no it's not your fault!

The title of his thread is "In Love With Best Friend Who I Think Will Marry Someone Else"

That's what threw me off ;p

[carpflounder]

Another way to think about it: what advice would you give if they had "only" been together 3 months, or 6, or 18?? Wheres the "cutoff"?Unless she's married, dude, anything goes. Best, and try to keep your teeth.

So you dont think that there is a cut off, so to speak, unless they are married?

If a couple had been together for 7 years (basically a common law marriage) but had never been married..then they are both fair game?

Thats some lovely logic...I guess I never cheated on a girlfriend.

[indigosoul]

So you dont think that there is a cut off, so to speak, unless they are married?

If a couple had been together for 7 years (basically a common law marriage) but had never been married..then they are both fair game?

Thats some lovely logic...I guess I never cheated on a girlfriend.

1. They aren't living together. A requirement for Common Law.
2. There isn't a commitment agreement. Usually present in some form w/LTR of the sort you mention. I did mention this as an alternative. Sorry for the confusion. Marriage is certainly not the only way to demonstrate relationship commitment.
3. I NEVER said cheat. I clearly said she needs to choose. Breaking up w/someone, while hurtful, has nothing to do with cheating. Noone should feel forced to stay where they don't want to be.

If a couple were together for 7 years w/o any formalized agreement, you bet I would say either is fair game for moving on if they choose. Thats a loong time to stay perched on the fence... IMHO, of course.

[updraft]

"In Love With Best Friend Who I Think Will Marry Someone Else"

Didnt they make a movie about this 7 years ago with Julia Roberts and Cameron Diaz in it??

[Lloyd95]

"My Best Friend's Wedding"

[updraft]

Yep thats the one !

[Tone]

I love that movie ^_^