Is my husband gay?

[doppelgaenger]

If he was gay, he would be watching gay porn. Ever consider that?

[starbuck]

I agree with ftm in that someone who watches porn obviously has some kind of a sex drive. But a different kind of sex drive. He favors pleasuring himself with no real intimacy involved. The question is why does he not want intimacy?

What do you think your husband gets out of your marriage? Do you financially support him? Are you helping putting him through school? Is it a somehow a marriage of convenience for him?

[Gigabitch]

^^^ What she said.

[Incognito]

Hmmm, this is so sad and yet so familiar. I am in the same boat as you Render. It really makes you feel unloved when your marriage mate has no desire for you. I personally cannot bring myself to divorce without my wife either cheating or flat out leaving me because of the moral implications. A few things to think about:

1. You CANNOT change someone. Only they can change IF they truly want to. Even if you talked him into having sex more often you will be right back in this situation after a while unless he really wants to change this.

2. Porn is a problem for some people. My best friend had almost the same problem. He didn't have sex with his girlfried as often as he masturbated to porn because, and I quote, "I can pop in a dvd and have any woman I want, anytime I want, as many times as I want....I only have one girlfriend and it gets boring sometimes". Perhaps he feels the same way.

3. Men with low sex drives are in the minority. Testosterone affects sex drive and most men have a higher testosterone to estrogen ratio than women, and consequently have moderate to high sex drives.

[Incognito]

I'm not sure how productive this will be, but perhaps you should ask him if he is gay. That doesn't appear to be the case, but straight men don't want anyone to think (even for a second) that they might be gay. Perhaps that question would make him want to prove his "straightness" by having more sex. Depending on the type of person that he is and how events unfold he may keep the trend going. That is only speculation though.

[Sonrisa]

1. You CANNOT change someone. Only they can change IF they truly want to. Even if you talked him into having sex more often you will be right back in this situation after a while unless he really wants to change this.

Inc, in reality you CAN change anyone. there's nothing a little manipulation can't do. try it. i can give you some good guidance on HOW TO.
seriously, my friend was complaining about his wife not wanting to have any and that is all changed now.

[Incognito]

Inc, in reality you CAN change anyone. there's nothing a little manipulation can't do. try it. i can give you some good guidance on HOW TO.
seriously, my friend was complaining about his wife not wanting to have any and that is all changed now.

Perhaps I should have said that one can't truly change someone. Sure there is no doubt in my mind that you can get the results you desire through manipulation, but those changes won't be real and won't last as long as they would if the person was actually self motivated to uphold those changes. Sure you can threaten a lazy husband with divorce if he refuses to keep a job, and get the desired result (him getting and keeping a job for a while). However, if he is only doing it because of external stimulai then his heart won't be in it, and he'll eventually go back to his former lazy ways. Its the same with excercise. Many start because they want to look/feel better or the doctor told them to, but their heart isn't truly in it. They only want the result, or are simply following orders. Most of those people fail and stop excercising. Manipulation does work, but its only temporary. Like duct taping a leaky pipe.

[Sonrisa]

Perhaps I should have said that truly chage someone. Sure there is no doubt in my mind that you can get the results you desire through manipulation, but those changes won't be real and won't last as long as they would if the person was actually self motivated to uphold those changes. Sure you can threaten a lazy husband with divorce if he refuses to keep a job, and get the desired result (him getting and keeping a job for a while). However, if he is only doing it because of external stimulai then his heart won't be in it, and he'll eventually go back to his former lazy ways. Its the same with excercise. Many start because they want to look/feel better, but their heart isn't truly in it. They only want the result. Most of those people fail and stop excercising. Manipulation does work, but its only temporary. Like duct taping a leaky pipe.

well, I vouch for what I have seen and I've seen men and women who have changed and stayed the same for the last 5 years at least.

[Incognito]

Five years is not a long time in the grand scheme of things, or as far as a marriage goes. I agree that you can get changes through manipulation, but those changes have great potential of being reversed if the person 's heart isn't it in or if they are only changing because of fear of reprisal.