Cheating boyfriend

[rubywoo]

Time is not a matter, if he respects and love you he will let you take all the time you need. Hes right by not telling you by text or email what he has done as this shows disrepect to you. he does need to tell you to your face and if he is truly sorry you will be able to know by his eyes and body language. I would say tell him you need some space to sort your head out, which you do, then arange a meet in a public palce, cafe etc and see how he reacts when he tells you. Its easy to put on fake emotions in private but if he truly loves you and sorry he will show his emotions will show any where

That I will definately do, I told him my head isnt clear and to leave me alone and I think he has accepted that I need space, I think hes taking on board the magnitude of the situation

[rubywoo]

If I was with someone who was cheating on me I would have definatelly never given them a single chance. This is me (maybe because I would have never cheated on them)

its very easy to say that, but there is a whole spectrum of feelings that i need to take into consideration. we really did have something very special as cliche as it sounds. i had my first love a while back so in comparison my head is alot clearer and iam far more controlled, but the fact we had something special still rings true. its all a mess though without a doubt

[rubywoo]

I value affection way too much to be able to overlook the fact he'd given my affection to another woman. I just really don't think I could honestly ever look past it. Especially when he refuses to fess up and admit to his wrong doing and accept the blame. Well not so much because it wouldn't matter if he admitted it or not, I couldn't look past it.

The only way you'll ever get on with him is if you truely believe you can forgive him, never throw that in his face and learn how to trust him again (with time). Goodluck.

very true, im still not sure if i could look past it, i just need to clear my head and eventually see him face to face and see what he has to say for himself

[sapha1]

you can always forgive but can never FORGET!

my boyfriend broke up with me for a month, went with another girl, STILL hasnt told me but a few of his mates have accidentally mentioned stuff without realising ive overheard, we got back together, ive confronted him about this and he still to this day denies it. i can forgive him ,and untill hes honest with me i can start to trust him again. every morning and night this niggles at me , its even pushing me away .

all i can say is would you be able to cope with these niggling games that your mind plays, all these thoughts that never leave your mind ?
it slowly but shortly creeps up on you , after me finding out but one of his friends its took two months for all this to creep up .

and now im struggling to cope with it and decide what it is i want.

[SelflessnHumble]

Let's be clear here...You are still hung up on "what we had was incredibly special." Not him.
2nd, you had to snoop through his phone (and invade his privacy) in order to find out what he had been doing.
Both of you lack open and honest communication, not what I'd call genuine nor incredibly special. You allowed him to avoid you
based on the convenience of having hectic work schedules. People change. You cannot change this.

"You pretty much knew" is bullshit and NOT a valid defense...Feelings LIE to us all the time...
Unless he confesses, OR you talked to the girl in person: you do NOT know for certain what really happened...
What I don't get is that if you had his phone why didn't you text the girl and say, "I really love the way you kiss" just to see her reply?

When you confronted him: it sounds as though you failed to ask the right question(s) Example:
When I found your cell and saw all those dirty a$$ texts: Did you at any point kiss her? The correct answer is *No* not, "there is no one else."

Now, we get to the heart of the matter. You aren't really in love with him...You are in love with all that you had done, accomplished and planned "together."

You "WERE" so in love: not now. Big difference.
You can live without him: you just didn't pick a winner.

The fact is: words in life = bullshit.
Actions = intent. Did he love you when he texted those dirty texts to another girl? NOPE!

You already dumped him: now you are debating on dumping him??? I'm confused.
The fact of the matter is: It's up to you. It has been my vast experience that people do NOT change unless they want and choose to.
His ego has been bruised so getting you back becomes a game: not a selfless act where he actually steps up (like a real man) looks you in the eye:

and takes responsibility for EVERYTHING he did to you: and humbly apologize to you for the pain he caused... <----this is what a real man does....
He's a little boy.

[SelflessnHumble]

you can always forgive but can never FORGET!

This is not always true just because YOU know it to be.
People who have pride, ego and issues with self confidence can't forget, don't forget that.

my boyfriend broke up with me for a month, went with another girl, STILL hasnt told me but a few of his mates have accidentally mentioned stuff without realising ive overheard, we got back together, ive confronted him about this and he still to this day denies it. i can forgive him ,and untill hes honest with me i can start to trust him again. every morning and night this niggles at me , its even pushing me away.

The fact is: your boyfriend is an insecure coward.
He will deny it because: he thinks you are stupid, naive and not intelligent enough to "know" what happened simply
because you weren't "told" about it...You cannot have a relationship built on LIES. If you are able to forgive a liar who hasn't confessed then you must have low standards just to be with a man who doesn't in turn respect you.

all i can say is would you be able to cope with these niggling games that your mind plays, all these thoughts that never leave your mind ?
it slowly but shortly creeps up on you , after me finding out but one of his friends its took two months for all this to creep up .and now im struggling to cope with it and decide what it is i want.

Did you know that you can control your mind? Yes, it's true.
The fact is: he's lied to you before and he knows he can and will lie to you again when there is a need to.
You deserve better than this, so why are you settling?

It's not his fault that you cannot trust him: it's yours.