Agh, I'm such a chicken!

[Only-virgins]

Shyness is a sign of being afraid of failure or rejection. Failure is a sign of knowing what you want are reaching out for it. Never try, and you'll never learn.

How do you separate a shy personality from a quiet one?

[Chronos]

This thread could have been started by me! All this sounds so familiar, eerie actually. I see what all of you are saying, but let me try and put in from my perspective. Let's situate this in a real scenario.

You walk into a nightclub, you've just paid cover, checked your coat and you can hear the music getting louder as you walk into one of the rooms. Thump thump thump goes the bass. You look around, its crowded, you walk upto the bar and order a (insert favorite drink name). You take it, down it, turn around and suddenly see someone you really really want ot talk to. She's dancing on the floor, probably with a few friends. You so want to go and join them...but...**blank**

You are waiting for a subway train, a couple of steps away from you, you see a beautiful, attractive person and you're dying to say something. You make eye contact, she holds it before looking away. What do you go and say to her? What about all the rest of the crowd standing there?

I understand rejection is not easy, I understand you should not care about the rest of the people out there, heck, my friend even made me read emails by some guy name daniel defranco or something (which all made sense), but in the end, at the moment of truth, when you're standing facing someone looking directly into your eyes, expecting you to say something, and your mind feels emptier than Siberia in winter, when every legible thought is gone, when your mouth is dry so that even when you try to speak, all that comes out is a hoarse whisper...what the **** do you do???

I'm sure all this sounds very confused, but this is haze that I have to live through in my attempts to find, and I hate saying this, simple companionship. It's not even about sex, its just about being confident enough to follow through on your thoughts and actions.

Ah well, if anyone has any ideas, great...if not, then such is life.

Cheers

[whaywardj]

All I can say is welcome to the existence you end with when you're reared in a culture that promotes suspicion at the expense of trust.

[Chronos]

All I can say is welcome to the existence you end with when you're reared in a culture that promotes suspicion at the expense of trust.

Explain....

[whaywardj]

Why are any of us ever nervous about meeting strangers?

[Only-virgins]

All I can say is welcome to the existence you end with when you're reared in a culture that promotes suspicion at the expense of trust.

That is true. I like your sayings Hayward.

Why are any of us ever nervous about meeting strangers?

I am not nervous. I seem to be annoyed when I meet strangers. I do have a tendancy to think everyone is stupid though. I think shy people over think the negative consequences. They never think of the good that might come from the interacation.

Explain....

Are you serious? do you really need him too? Ask yourself...what do you think of someone when they come up to you and ask you for a few dollars because they have no money for a bus home. You will have your answer why you or others probably would hesitate to ask someone for money in that position.

[whaywardj]

Yes, well, you're a refreshing exception to the rule, OV. And I, too, thought an explanation was a ridiculous thing to ask for. But, it's like this Chronos: If you weren't predisposed to be threatened by strangers, you wouldn't be apprehensive over introducing yourself to a girl.

[Mike]

I totally agree OV - it is stupid; I am stupid. I know it, but my instinct doesn't want to listen. What's even more stupid is that we cannot perceive that it's not remotely likely for anything bad to happen anyway. Guess I gotta keep trying

[mini696]

How do you separate a shy personality from a quiet one?

A shy person will not put themselves in a position to fail. A quiet person will at least ask someone out (they may just whisper it).

[jaye]

Hah, I always knew I was like.. totally crap with girls.. but I still didn't realise I was this bad.

It may be wise to read my 1 or 2 previous threads here.

What's troubling me is, I'm unbelievably shy of girls, absolutely and completely, including when I just want to be friends! I've never had a girl really even as a friend that I can talk to in person without feeling nervous or being overly analytical. I can honestly say I know in my mind what I should do but, when it comes to it I'm just too chicken to do it.

I find it tongue-bitingly hard to start a conversation with a girl, and when one starts a conversation with me, my lack of tact is exceptional



The weekend preceding today I was texting a girl and knowing I was such a crap talker I decided to end the conversation with 'speak to you on monday', in the hope I'd just forget all my fears and do it. I had a perfect oppurtunity to talk to her. She was not talking with anyone and neither was I particularly. Yet all I did was sit there, staring at walls around her, fiddling with my lunch and such. She looked so bored. And still, all I can do is sit there nervous.

It's not unusual for me to do this either, wanting so badly to talk to a girl and just being too confused to see they don't mind if I did so



Though I still don't get for what reason exactly that I'm nervous because when completely alone with a girl I can start a conversation pretty freely - whether it's tact is another matter. It's just starting one in front of other people I find difficult.

Obviously where I'm lacking is experience, and therefore starting to talk to girls at all is an absolute necessity if I'm ever to find it easy to pluck up a topic with them. However this is just the point, I'm too scared and nothing ever seems to be getting better.

Any thoughts?

Simple; Just start dating guys..............