five months later....the first visit.

[jay12]

If you go it will be a weekend full of emotional turmoil.

If you dont go it will be a weekend full of emotional turmoil.

[Jsnowman]

Whayward, I'm 29 so I know what you mean. I'm getting too old to be making love mistakes. I think that when I talk to her though, I will tell her my intentions for wanting to come see her. If she can't handel it, then I won't go. But at least if she knows that I want to see her because of my feelings and not because I want some sort of friendship I'd feel better. I'm sure she knows how I feel, but I will be better able to respect myself for not going and being honest with her. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't have the same feelings for me so the logical choice would be to let go. And Tone, you're right. It is easy to give advice rather than to follow it yourself Either way, I appreciate your advice. Unfortunately, all you guys, my friends here, and my family all think this is a bad idea. I'm the only one who thinks it's a good idea because I'm thinking with my heart on this one and not my brain. But if I had to look down the road and read the signs along the way, the outlook is not good. I think I want to go and see her so I can convice myself it's over. But now I think I don't need to do that. The answer has been in front of my face the whole time.....just let go. So even as I write this post, I'm sad because I know what I have to do.

[artyemi]

It's so hard to do. We always want some kind of resolution, but we never get them.

[missguided.rose]

People can tell you the obvious, people can tell you what to do, they can be damn right in where theyre coming from, it can make sense and be logical to believe them and not go.. but ultimately..its up to you. I think you probably knew what you were going to do before you even posted.

[Jsnowman]

Well, tonight she is supposed to call. I don't know what she'll say about coming to see her but I guess i will tell her either way that it's probably a bad idea and close the book on this one. Life does suck sometimes. I'll keep ya'll posted.

[whaywardj]

I'm thinking with my heart on this one and not my brain.

No, no, no, no. The heart FEELS. The brain thinks. Two different things. You gamble with one. You PLAN with the other. Don't get'em mixed up, man. If you do, you'll just piss off your brain and break your heart. Then where'd'ja be? Mad AND sad, instead of just sad.

[Jsnowman]

I am mad and sad. Mad because she does not have the courage to see the changes that have occured within me. Sad because it took this long for me to make the changes. I'm still waiting for her call. I really want to see her but I'm worried that it will set me back to the beginning of this whole ordeal. Nonetheless, I still want to see her because I think she still has feelings for me. I don't know...I'll let fate decide.

[Jsnowman]

She finally called, at 11:00. Her excuse, her parents are getting a divorce and she is at home with her parents. I don't know what to make of this. She said she would call tomorrow. ****!!! I have to assume this is the truth. God I am screwed in the head. I want to see her so bad. I don't know if I should back off or be there for her now since this will be hard on her. Jesus, I don't want to feel this way anymore but I can't make myself not care. I think about her everyday and I don't know how to stop. Someone please help with this and don't tell me to just stop thinking about her...I've tried, it doesn't work.

[missguided.rose]

Time heals all wounds.. if you keep talking to her, keep seeing her, you're going to be like this for a very long time =/

[boobaa]

She wants a relationship, but she doesn't want to confess it. Every people have those damn barriers to not get back together after relationship break...

There was a couple who broke up, both started to look new partner. And then they met again via dating service. They didn't know it was each other they were talking but when they met...



But well, women are always strange. They brake up with someone, and after that they have some problems and they are always drunk and call to the person who they broke up with, even just for asking a ride...

[Chlorine]

jsnowman----"I want to see her so bad. I don't know if I should back off or be there for her now since this will be hard on her.....think about her everyday and I don't know how to stop."

She's got stuff on her mind, and she said she'll call you tomorrow. You can choose to wait by the phone and keep agonising, or you can go do something more constructive. If she calls, than you're a happy man. If she doesn't, at least you did something other than wait by the phone.

You are torturing yourself. Stop doing that. You're keeping the memories alive. Do you want to move on? If the answer is 'yes', than shut her out of your life.

[Tommy]

Having hope is a good attribute in a person.

What you must realize is what of happiness? Have you progressively gotten more happy during the 5 month period? Do you feel she IS without a DOUBT the one for you? Do you have any idea in your mind if she has/or did EVER feel this way about you?

I haven't posted in a couple days, but the hope I have kept and some keen advice on many members parts have made it possible that my relationship may be saved. I'll post more on the topic in my thread, but YOU must do what makes YOU happy.

Obviously you're not happy again since she re-appeared in her life.

I will repeat some advice that a good friend on here told me. Don't talk about the relationship of the past, don't talk about love... Talk about what you've been doing with your life, what you have done, what she has done. Ask her how she's been etc etc.... Don't bring back old memories as they will only cloud any chance you have with the reason why SHE dumped YOU.

The past is the past, it cannot be changed, but the futur is always uncertain. Don't play games (thanks to hayward, tone and those guys) because games will only make her and yourself more confused.

If YOU feel you SHOULD go there, that's your choice. Like previously stated one of 3 things will happend (at least imho). You two will re-kindle the relationship hopefully turning a new and better page then before, She will want to be your FRIEND when you want her as a lover OR (this one is harsh but reality) You will build RESENTMENT for her not wanting to be with you, say things you truly don't mean and diminish ANY hope you ever held to get back with this girl. There are risks involved with love, usually at the exspense of the dumpeeeees heart, some people can handle them some cannot.

You must find in yourself if you're willing to take the RISK of having your heart healed or destroyed all over again. You know her best, as we only know a description of her and her actions. It's your choice man, I hope whatever happens it comes out on top.

Like once said to me "maybe god is giving you something you NEED not WANT".

[Jsnowman]

Well, I pretty much shot myself in the foot this time. She called me on her way back home from her parents house after staying with her mom, comforting her through this rough time. We talked and I told her that perhaps it would be best if I didn't come see her at all. I told her this because I still had feelings for her and that if I went up there, part of the way I would behave would be because of my feelings for her. She, on the otherhand, stated that she did not have feelings for me. She was glad I told her this before I came up. I told her that I should move on and it would be best to leave this in the past. She got very quite and didn't say much and eventually said ok but asked if she should not call me anymore. I said she should give me some time to heal. She agreed. We hung up the phone and that was that.
I wish I could tell you that this is the end of the story but unfortunately, it is not.
I called her back two minutes later..............lol...jesus
I told her that I wanted to see her that I didn't want her out of my life. She was confused now....stating that I just said it needed to end. My head was spinning....wtf had I just done. I was desperate. I asked for a date...anything to see her...I did not want the pain to seep back in...didn't want to be alone...
I spilled my guts to her, she listened. At the end of each my little speeches she always stood her ground though. She did not want a relationship. No feelings for me. Eventually I stopped. I got quiet, calmed down. Told her it was a mistake for me to call her back. She understood. We left it at that. So no more calling her, time to move on. I will not be going to see her...not anytime soon at least. A friend once told me to give her a gift. Give her the gift of missing you. I thought I had been doing that but I have not. I call her at least once a week, or she called me.
Now is the time to start...even if it is five months later. Anyone reading this, don't make the same mistakes I have done. I feel like i've waisted five months of my life

[Tone]

Been there, done that. I feel for you.

Just have to be strong, stop calling her. Move on.

[Jsnowman]

Thanks guys for all your posts. Even if I knew the answers to all my questions, even five months ago, it helps because you guys are objective. True you guys don't know every intimate detail, but enough to give sound advice.
Today felt like the first day of the rest of my life so to speak. I don't worry about calling her or her calling me. Allthough it feels like I'm starting over, I know this time it will go quicker with the firm rule of NC. One final question for everyone:
If someday she calls, perhaps in the next couple weeks. Should you answer the phone , let VM pick up, return the call? If she does the contacting, are you breaking NC by answering? Not too clear on how that works. Thanks for the info guys.
-peace-