does she just want attention ? i want to have a serious relationship with her

[TheEvilJester]

It feels good because you are getting attention, in some form or another, from another human being. We all want that. We all crave that. So, of course it feels good. But she's using you. Even if she doesn't realize it, she's using you. She has a boyfriend already. Whether they are blissfully happy together and bound for eventual marriage, or desperately miserable and bound for eventual break-up... or even somewhere in between... it doesn't change the fact that she is presently with somebody else.

Most people need time to get over a relationship before they can seriously enter into another. You can't have that time to get over the relationship WHILE STILL IN IT.

Believe me, I am 100% not judging you here. I completely understand why you may have a hard time letting go. You thought maybe you saw something in her that is worthwhile. You thought maybe there could be something special between you two. It can be hard to look past that. Think of it this way, though... if there IS something there... if you two truly could be something real... well, then that would still be the case once she has dealt with her current relationship. Once she has broken up with him once and for all (if that ultimately is her decision). Once she has taken some time to heal, to grow, to get back up.

There are just way too many risks by getting involved with somebody in a situation like this. She could be using you as just a rebound (intentionally or perhaps without even realizing she's doing it). She could be somebody who just loves getting attention from guys and doesn't care about their feelings. Or, heck, there even could be a chance for you two given the right time and distance from her current situation... but rushing things could wind up ruining what could have been something great.

You ultimately have to do what feels right for you. We can't tell you what to do, you have to live your life. But, I just personally would never suggest continuing a situation like this. If you can honestly be 100% okay with currently just assuming nothing will ever happen between you two and thereby go back to just being friends, then great. Do that. You never know what may happen in time, but at least that way you aren't just waiting for her hoping she'll decide she wants to be with you. BUT, if being around her even as a friend would just make it too hard for you not to want more, than I think you'd be better off away from her for now. Which, again, could even change in the future if her situation changes. But, it would just be better for you not to get involved in this sort of thing. More often than not this kind of situation only leads to hurt. Not that it is 100% the only possible conclusion, it's just that so often a situation like this does not end well.

Good luck to you either way.

[MsLondonB]

Stop being her "white knight"!!!!!

You only look foolish and she will have no respect for you.

[smackie09]

she has something special i cant really put my finger on it

She is special to all the boys, (open your eyes!!)you are not the only one.......she knows how to play you all very well. Just because you want a relationship, doesn't mean it's going to happen. What to do? Keep slamming her until you get tired of her bs. The only thing you did wrong was get emotionally involved. She doesn't want any of that, and the more mushy you get about her, the more she's gonna set up shop somewhere else.

[pcmaster]

That's spot on Smackie! These guys really putting this cheap girl on a pedestal and running after her like dogs after sausage.

[justme1990]

She is special to all the boys, (open your eyes!!)you are not the only one.......she knows how to play you all very well. Just because you want a relationship, doesn't mean it's going to happen. What to do? Keep slamming her until you get tired of her bs. The only thing you did wrong was get emotionally involved. She doesn't want any of that, and the more mushy you get about her, the more she's gonna set up shop somewhere else.

if she doesnt want ant serious relationship why does she stay with her boyfriend ? wouldnt it be easier if she could just flirt with everyone without hiding from her boyfriend?

[smackie09]

She isn't really "staying" with her BF. She's using him for attention as well as everyone else. She's got you in her back pocket does she not? There is an expression people use in situations like this...she can have her cake and eat it too.

[TheEvilJester]

Agreed with smackie. She may not actually be any more serious with her "boyfriend" than she is with any other guys she plays these games with. That, or maybe she is more serious with him but still enjoys the attention she gets from other guys. Or, maybe she gets something from him that she wants and it therefore makes it worth her while (in her mind) to stay with him, but she's not really serious with him and would drop him the moment she no longer gets what she wants. Plenty of possible reasons and the vast majority of them aren't terribly flattering.

Sure, there is some change she is actually being honest. That she truly does not mean to play games with you or anybody else. ....IF that is the case, though, then it will also be the case if/when she actually deals with her relationship and ends it (again, if that winds up being her decision). It is never a good idea to get involved with this kind of drama. Let her deal with that stuff on her own, and if she does finally decide to actually end things with her boyfriend, then maybe you can consider giving her another chance. At least that would be my advice.

[justme1990]

She isn't really "staying" with her BF. She's using him for attention as well as everyone else. She's got you in her back pocket does she not? There is an expression people use in situations like this...she can have her cake and eat it too.

wow use him for 5 years ? thats alot of using
guys say that she might actualy like alex alot because they always hangout toghether even at work , he has been to her place from what i heard i asked her and she sayd that they just eat and thats it but considering what she did with me i doubt it that she is telling the truth
and one friend actualy said that he knows for sure that they had sex i told her that too and ofc she said that she is so sick of these rumours about her and alex and that just because they like to hang out doesnt mean they are toghether

- - - Updated - - -

Agreed with smackie. She may not actually be any more serious with her "boyfriend" than she is with any other guys she plays these games with. That, or maybe she is more serious with him but still enjoys the attention she gets from other guys. Or, maybe she gets something from him that she wants and it therefore makes it worth her while (in her mind) to stay with him, but she's not really serious with him and would drop him the moment she no longer gets what she wants. Plenty of possible reasons and the vast majority of them aren't terribly flattering.

Sure, there is some change she is actually being honest. That she truly does not mean to play games with you or anybody else. ....IF that is the case, though, then it will also be the case if/when she actually deals with her relationship and ends it (again, if that winds up being her decision). It is never a good idea to get involved with this kind of drama. Let her deal with that stuff on her own, and if she does finally decide to actually end things with her boyfriend, then maybe you can consider giving her another chance. At least that would be my advice.

he has been in another town for almost 1 year now what can he posibly give her from distance
i think that she might actualy be in love with him because they have been toghether for 5 years and maybe its hard to break things off if that is what she wants
i dont think that i might have the oportunity to give her another because i think alex might be number 2 instead of me

[smackie09]

OK that clears things up....she is just looking for attention to fill in what her BF doesn't provide. So she is using you and whomever else.

[TheEvilJester]

Okay, so they were together for 5 years, but now have been geographically separate for 1 year. With that additional information my best guess would be one of two things. A) She's knowingly using other guys for attention because she loves her boyfriend, but part of her knows it isn't working/something is missing because of the long distance situation.

B) She never had any intention of using anybody/hurting anybody.... but is still very much missing something because of her boyfriend being so far away, and therefore couldn't help herself but seek out that attention in other men.

And, again, I could still be wrong. It could be something else entirely. But those seem the two most likely options to me given the whole picture of things so far. And if it is either one of those two... whether or not she was intentionally using you/other guys, it doesn't change the fact that she was. Even if it wasn't her intention, even if she never meant to hurt anybody... she still has. It is still much better not to get in the middle of all that. And again, I will say that if she ever does finally deal with her relationship... and if she does decide to end it and move on... maybe there could be a chance down the road. It's just, relationships are unlikely to work out in the end if one person isn't fully into it for whatever reason. And if part of her is still in love with her boyfriend... if she still has not gotten over that, then she's not fully into it with you or any other guy.

Best of luck to you in however you do decide to handle this. I don't mean to act like it is so easy. I understand how you feel and how it can be hard to let go. Sometimes, though, letting go is what is best for your own well-being. This may be one of those times.