Friends with benefits

[Tone]

Exactly... stop lettin him play you girl.

Do not hang out with him, or talk to him, and certainly don't have sex with him until he gives you an answer.

Don't let him use this "I need to think over it.. but can we still have sex in the meantime?" BS

[Sugarbabe72]

I certainly will not let that happen again.

Not sure what to message him back with after that reply...

maybe something like :

I can understand your need for wanting to think about this, Im cool with either decision u make ?

[Tone]

Don't say anything, put the ball in his court. Start to move on, darlin.

[Sugarbabe72]

ok, I will leave it at that. I just find it hard not responding to someones msg. I feel the need to write something back, otherwise he will probably think I've got the poo's with him cos he wants to think about it. Know what i mean ?

[Asip4u]

Doesn't matter what he says. He can play you even longer and at the end still dump you when something better comes along. Some people show you how little they care, why do you still not get the clue? You cannot change anyone especially if that person doesn't want to change.

[Tone]

K well maybe say, "Let me know when you've decided." But if he calls or tries to stop by and he aint tryin to talk about you two gettin back together, politely say you can't talk and you have to go.

[Sugarbabe72]

Thanks Tone. Youve been a great help to me this morning. After a long, sleepless night I was ready to call in sick for work and everything but now I feel a bit better. So thankyou once again.

I will say something though, If you remember my post from a month ago, the reason we broke up was because of the way I treated him. I openly admit I was a b*tch to be with, and he really did stick around for longer than he should have. When I look back now Im so ashamed of the way I treated him, but I am definately working on my issues, and getting help as well, because I never want to treat another human being like that ever again. Especially when they dont deserve it.

So in saying that, I can understand why he wants to think about this, because he is being cautious, and I dont really blame him.

But at the same time, I wont be played. Thats why I gave him the decision to make.

Thanks for listening

[Tone]

No prob, Sugarbabe, it's what we're here for!

And that's all fine and dandy... you say it was mostly your fault which may or may not be true. But you acknowledge you have some issues (we all do) and you're willing to work on them. Great. If he's able to have sex with you he should also be able to give you another chance at a relationship.

If you guys are going to try again, be all means, I'll be the first to wish you good luck. But don't let him have his cake and eat it too... we don't wanna see you come back here cryin and a mess cause you guys had been havin sex for a couple weeks/months with the hope of getting back together and he suddenly broke it all off cause he's met someone new.

Stay strong!

[Sugarbabe72]

Yes I agree Tone, if he still wants to be intimate with me and have sex, then yes he should be will to give me another chance. And if he really loved me he would...

So I will let u know what he writes back. If he says lets cut contact, then I think im strong enough now to handle it, and at least that will give me some closure. If he says lets start again slowly, then at least that shows he cares and is willing to give it another go. And I know this time round it will be even harder, cos I know once u break up things are never quite the same. Unless - you both really want it and work hard for it.

So I guess its just a waiting game now, but if he takes his time, I will make the decision for him..cos as much as i love him, i wont be walked all over.

[Tone]

Good for you! That's what we like to hear.

Cause you know out there... there is aa guy who will give you everything you want, who will love and respect you, and won't use you for sex. So why waste your time with any jerkoffs?

Keep us updated, let us know what happens.

[Sugarbabe72]

I certainly will do !

I have a feeling tho he will take a few days to reply.

But will update you as soon as i hear

[Lloyd95]

Ok he just replied and said

I'll have to really think about this"


ARGH !!


Why not think first, then reply....now he wants to keep me hanging i guess.

READ: "I"ll have to really think about this, but in the meantime, can we have some hot, headboard banging sex?"

[Sugarbabe72]

OK those that have been following this thread, here is his reply :

I still feel very strongly for you and I dont want to let go, my gut tells me this time apart is healthy and we should stay in contact but we both need more time. Starting things up again no matter how slowly could inhibit our progess to become better people. I am hoping to eventually wipe the slate clean and thats why we cant be together right now, i need time to heal and become a stronger person.

He also said he doesnt want to string me along, he said he wants me to do what i want to do without shutting each other out , but i have to give him some space and time. He also said Im sorry if this has hurt you, but theres no reason to be sad as im not going anywhere, I just cant give you what you want from me right now.

Hmmmm so what do you all think about this ?

[shh!]

I think he sounds like a royal pain in the @ss, but at least he is being honest about his state of mind. He isn't going to get back together with you, so stop sleeping with him and move on.

I don't advise you stay in contact with him with any regularity. There is no advantage to doing so whatsoever for you.

[Sugarbabe72]

Why do you say that Shh ? Why do you say that he wont get back together with me ? Do you think someone could be genuine when they say they need space and time to heal . In this case I do give him the benefit of the doubt, and I know he is only being cautious, I can understand that he doesnt want to jump straight back into it. But I feel what he is saying to me is genuine. I am just curious to know why you say he wont want to get back together with me. Dont get me wrong, all advice is great, its just hard for me to comprehend at time. Thanks